The Shadows of My Past
by PJ Zatken
Summary: What if you can relive your life, death, and rebirth but are unable to correct the regretful mistakes made along the way...would you be able to withstand the sadness and guilt? Multichapter, Tatsumicentered, 1st person POV fic. TatTari,TatTsu, TsuSoka
1. Going Under

**YAMI NO MATSUEI - DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS**

**The Shadows of My Past**

**Chapter One: Going Under**

* * *

**_To the Reader_**

_Following the tradition of the manga and anime, this Yami no Matsuei / Descendants of Darkness PG-13 fan fiction is shounen-ai (guy/guy relationships and/or hints of guy/guy relationships). The pairings will be obvious, as the story progresses._

_This is the first fic that I'm writing with a first-person POV (it is hard to write first-person POV and it will feel weird for a while, but I'm up for the challenge), so please let me constructively know as to what I can do to improve the story._

_By the way, thanks to Proxima Centauri, Dorian Gray, and Anyuta for their wonderful feedback. Luna-chan and Dorian, I made the changes that you've suggested in your reviews ;-D Hope that all of you guys continue keeping me up on my toes, especially since I'm learning a lot from you._

_I hope that you would enjoy reading this, just as I would normally enjoy writing this fic. Let me know what you think of this Tatsumi-centered fanfic via your reviews. I really need to inspire the muses, so I wrote the first chapter of this long-planned fic before my update for Kyoto Files Revisited._

_I also started a C2 community with Angel of the Eclipse and Dorian Gray. The C2 community will build an archive of good-quality YnM fics that will undergo a review process. We want to highlight those fics, as well as their talented authors. So if a fic is featured in the community, it means that it passed the quality standards set by management and staff. So feel free to email either Angel, Dorian, or me with your recommendation or suggestion - whether it be your own fic, or someone else's fic._

**_Warmest Regards, Zatken_**

* * *

_**Timeline: **Late afternoon, Fall 1999_

_**Location:** Shokan Division, Meifu_

_"Just get it over with, Tatsumi Seiichiro. It's about time that you face this dilemma,"_ I mused, as I pushed back my light-framed glasses towards my face and glanced at the wall clock.

The clock indicated that it was now ten minutes to three...almost time for the office's twenty-minute afternoon break. Two hours and five minutes from now, my one-week hiatus from work called vacation would begin - a frivolous, unwelcome luxury for me if it was not a Division-sponsored activity.

Staring afterwards at the serving tray that I have been busy with for a while, I did a mini-inventory of its contents: a steaming pot filled with fragrant tea, biscuits, porcelain tea cups, and matching porcelain saucers for two.

Good... Everything was now complete.

Once again, the coaxing voices inside my head impatiently said, _"Go on! What are you waiting for? Just get it over with..."_

Letting out another sigh, I carried the tray and strolled outside the office. The lazy afternoon sun, floating sakura petals, and the cool breeze greeted me and granted me some calming comfort that I needed so dearly at this time. Each step that I took away from the office and towards the open field was more calculated and heavy. My eyes scanned for the person that I wanted to have a heart-to-heart talk with for a very long time.

Just as I thought...

Tsuzuki laid on the lush grass underneath the ever-blossoming sakura trees. Using his trademark black trench coat as a mat, he stared at the pinkish-white blossoms and the comforting blue sky just as he always did whenever he wished to ease his mind.

_"I wonder if thoughts about the past - our past - ever comes in your mind on moments such as these..."_ I pondered about Tsuzuki as I served as a silent spectator while he bonded with our surreal surroundings in Meifu. As a half-smile escaped my lips, my mind flashed a very familiar image. My mind's eye vividly saw Tsuzuki's expressive amethyst eyes and the special way that they amplified the good-intentioned purity of his heart.

The tea's aroma mingled with the afternoon air and broke the spell of that mesmerizing vision. After letting out another sigh, I then approached him with a gentle and inviting smile. "I've brought something to keep us warm. Why don't you join me?"

As Tsuzuki sat up, I set the tray on the table and he joined me for tea and biscuits. Once our cups were filled and I handed one to him with the accompanying saucer, I leaned back and enjoyed my share of the hot beverage. My glance stayed with him the entire time as he sipped from his cup and closed his eyes in comforting satisfaction.

Minutes later, he placed his empty cup before me with a slight blush on his cheeks and a semi-pleading glimmer in his eyes.

Recognizing as to what the gesture meant and shaking my head in amusement, I poured a second helping of tea for him. It was just _so_ typical of Tsuzuki to do such mannerisms that would make it so hard for one to say "no" to him.

As I refilled his cup, I thought about one important fact about Tsuzuki...

Tsuzuki was not the same person who isolated himself for days after a retrieval, cried his heart out of guilt and remorse, wished for things that could not be, and almost pulled me down along with him from decades ago. The Tsuzuki that sat across from me was much stronger and more stable thanks to Kurosaki-kun, the latter now serving as his trusted partner and emotional anchor.

For a split second, I felt sad from being reminded of the reality of who I am and how I have been to Tsuzuki. How I wish that I could do the same for Tsuzuki as Kurosaki-kun had unselfishly been willing to do for him. How I wish that I could offer myself for him so readily and so unconditionally. Once the realization set in my heart that I could not do such sacrifices for Tsuzuki, I tried to let go of my guilt-ridden sentiments that very moment and failed.

I did not want to hurt Tsuzuki again, especially since I have done that to him many times. God, please do not let me be the one to make him cry again.

Knowing that he was drinking Tsujiura green tea, one of his favorite treats from Kyoto, Tsuzuki looked up to me with a satisfied sigh. "Thanks, Tatsumi... I needed this today."

Refocusing to the present, our eyes met when I told him in agreement, "Me, too... Good tea always works wonders for the body and soul."

A long period of comfortable silence filled the air between us before he looked up and asked me, "Do you mind if I ask you a question, Tatsumi?"

"Not at all," I replied while placing my cup and saucer on the table.

By this time, Tsuzuki was already leaning forward and resting his elbows on the table. His right index finger playfully and repeatedly circled around the rim of his teacup. "You normally don't drive your car unless you've planned to go far after work. Where _exactly_ are you going for your vacation. How are you planning to spend your time?"

I abruptly stopped for a minute, slightly frowned, and then thoughtfully responded with pursed lips. "I really don't know, Tsuzuki-san. I plan to go where my car would take me."

It was now Tsuzuki's turn to be stunned. His gentle eyes rested on me. "That's so unlike you to go on an unplanned trip, let alone take an actual vacation from the office. Is everything okay with you?"

"Everything's fine with me," I responded as I focused my sights on another group of sakura trees many feet behind him. The trees helped me provide for him the illusion that I was looking into his eyes and telling him the truth. Actually, I did know where I was going two hours from now. I was also avoiding his probing eyes.

A genially smiling Tsuzuki gazed at me for many minutes as I closed my eyes and drank more tea. Although he did not tell me his very thoughts, those eyes of his gave him away...they always did.

With his voice reflecting such vulnerable sensitivity and comforting warmth, Tsuzuki told me, "If there's anything that I can help you with, don't hesitate to tell me. It's the least that I could do for you, Tatsumi..."

When Tsuzuki uttered those words, my heart froze. I could not go on with what I intended to do this very moment. I wanted to tell him what I needed to tell him for decades, especially matters regarding these past few months.

I guess that today was simply not the right time for such revelations.

* * *

Once tea break was over, I marched straight into my office and ignored everything else around me. Entering my safe haven in the Shokan Division, I closed the door behind me, leaned against the wall, and took in slow and deep breaths. I removed my glasses and placed them in my coat pocket, closed my eyes, and pinched the bridge of my nose to relieve some tension. 

My heart was crumbling and burdened. My stomach was in knots. My body trembled out of anger, frustration, and sadness.

_"Work,"_ I mused in resigned desperation while my eyes remained tightly closed. _"I must keep busy and tie up some loose ends before I leave for today..."_

I slipped behind my desk. The paperwork before me, which was neatly arranged in piles, did not provide the solace or isolation that I sought and gained for many years.

Maybe looking at those latest financial statements and projections would lift this dreary feeling. It would be worth a try. Numbers and money mostly gave me a semblance of control and truth, especially on times when life was not making sense to me.

Today happened to be one of those days...

Grabbing the folder propped in the middle of my desk, I combed through the statements and projections that I have been working on for weeks. I should have been happy with what the statements had to tell me. The financial reports indicated that although we were still at a deficit due to Tsuzuki's repeated destruction of property, the negative figure had gone down by forty percent compared to last quarter's reports. My heart sank even deeper knowing all that I could manage for what should have been a major victory was a split-second wry smile.

_Right... _I should have been happy, but why the hell do I still feel so unaccomplished...so empty?

Taking in the deepest breath that my agitated state could muster, I rested my chin on my right hand and kept my eyes shut while my left hand drummed a pencil on my desk. I did not realize how fast my heart had been racing for the past thirty minutes until now.

"Did you tell him?"

The pencil in my hand broke into two and I held back my breath. It took a while before my unaided vision helped me to identify who had been observing me all this time.

Watari Yutaka - the owner of that voice - waited for me to recover, gave me his lighthearted smile, and occupied the chair across from my desk. His tone might have been affectionate and happy, but I knew that it laced a hint of concern. "You should smile more often, especially when you look like that..."

"I look like death warmed over, don't I?" I finished his sentence with a rueful and twisted smile while staring at the financial statements before me.

"No, silly... You look very handsome without your glasses on," Yutaka whispered with a tinge of seduction in his voice.

I glanced upward and tried to hide my face behind financial statements. I tapped over my pockets and fished for my glasses. Once the spectacles were on, I could now clearly see Yutaka's amused expression and 003's happy flapping. The two looking back at me caused me to feel the burning of my cheeks intensify.

Playfully flicking off grayish ashes from his now-crumpled white lab coat, Yutaka reminded me, "I thought that you wanted to talk with Tsuzuki this afternoon. You wanted to tell him about us."

"I wanted to make things right between Tsuzuki and me. I wanted to make things right for us. I tried to tell him about us, but I just couldn't do it," was my tightlipped remark while staring into those spectacled honey-colored eyes. My tone might have sounded matter-of-fact and my face might have shown composure, but I was suffocating inside.

"Seii, I _really_ believe that he'll be okay about us seeing each other. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd be happy for us."

I could not look at Yutaka straight in the eyes when I told him, "I know that about Tsuzuki, but..."

Shaking his head and sweeping away some of the unruly blond hair behind his ear, Yutaka stood up and went behind me. Resting his hand on my shoulder, he bent over and whispered in my ear, "You put too much meaning in everything. Take things in stride. Your vacation officially starts now."

I looked at my wall clock and confirmed that he was right. It was now five in the afternoon.

"Well, I'm not going to hold you up," said Yutaka as he gave me a light peck on the cheek. "Have fun on your vacation. Don't forget to bring back a souvenir for me."

Before Yutaka was able to walk away from me, I held his hand and pulled him closer. "Aren't you going to ask me where I'll be for a week?"

Referring to our agreement of taking matters slow, steady, and sure, Yutaka touched my face. "There's no need. I'll wait until you're good and ready to reveal such things to me."

"Yutaka..."

In the middle of me fumbling through unrecognizable syllables, Yutaka shushed me and leaned closer until he rested his forehead against mine. Our lips eventually touched - one hungrily claiming the other each passing second as we shared another stolen yet comforting moment. The time and my worries seemed inconsequential until he stopped and stared into my eyes.

"What's wrong?" I asked and gazed at him through my fog-filled glasses.

Honey-colored orbs studied me for a while before their owner inquired, "Are you... Are you all right, Seii?"

"You're the _third_ person who had asked me that question," I said with a though-filled sigh as today's dark cloud hovered over my head once more. My stare wandered and rested on the wall clock.

It was now five-thirty in the afternoon.

Without warning, I picked up my leather briefcase, stole another kiss from a still-stunned Yutaka, and told him before I rushed to JuOhCho's employee parking lot, "I_ really_ have to go. I'll call you once I return from vacation. I promise..."

* * *

I finally reached my destination - a lone mansion situated at the outskirts of Meifu. 

For more than an hour, I sat inside my car drumming my fingers against the steering wheel and deciding on whether I should pull through with my plans.

There were times that I cursed and wanted to kick my head for the insane notion that something good would come out of this one-week visit. Why the hell did I feel the need to go through with this one-week vacation when the whole week would have involved matters other than relaxation?

Shaking my head, I mused, _"Right, Tatsumi. You told yourself many times for the past months that you wanted to set things straight with everyone...that you wanted to start anew, especially with Watari being in your life now."_

I could not help but let out a longing sigh. I kept thinking about Yutaka.

Unknown to almost everyone in the Division, Yutaka and I have been spending intimately stolen moments together since our return from the Tsuuri Troy-Kyoto case...moments such as that stolen kiss inside my office.

Chief Konoe, however, knew about my relationship with Yutaka even though he never asked questions or pried for more information. He and I had an unspoken understanding to keep this matter between us. I appreciated and valued the fact that someone else knew about this very important and privy information about me. He was also the only one in the Division who knew where I would be for a week. He intended to keep my whereabouts a well-guarded secret just as he always did regarding Tsuzuki's dark past.

As my eyes narrowed from gathering all the strength inside me, I grabbed my keys and stepped out from the car. My wandering eyes noticed the full moon highlighted by the starless sky. The chilly breeze blew some of the sakura petals and made the loose blossoms float as if they were fragrant feathers.

I tried, for the last time, to sigh and let go of any uncertainties within me. My surroundings struck me as beautiful but also dark and ominous.

Should I take everything that I see and feel as well as everything that had gone so wrong today as signs for me not to go through with my plans?

Marble steps were now before me. Each ascending step that I took towards the heavy antique doors became more calculated. I dug my hands inside my brown trench coat pockets and felt the indentations from my individual keys against my gloved hands. I felt as if I was falling into a trap but how could that be since I was the glutton who had asked for this one-week punishment?

Before I had the chance to ring the bell at eight-thirty in the evening, Watson opened the door for me and said, "Welcome, Tatsumi-san. The Earl is expecting you." After I gave the courteous butler a slight bow of acknowledgement, he then led me to the dining area.

I froze from where I stood - a few feet away from where a sumptuous feast was spread over the long dining table. I looked at Watson, and then glanced over to my host for this one-week vacation. "Y - You _really _didn't have to go through such trouble."

The Earl rose from his seat. "Don't worry, Tatsumi-san. I won't ask you for any _favors_ just as I do with Tsuzuki. I extend the same warm welcome to all my guests. At the same time, I know that your Sensei and Konoe would like for your stay here to be pleasant. After all, the two gentlemen are long-time friends of mine."

A long and awkward silence filled the air as one of us waited for the other to react, move, or respond.

My host eventually gestured his gloved hand at the antique chair nearby me. "Please sit down and feel at home."

I just stood there and stared at the Earl for many minutes, thinking, _"Maybe I should just turn back, go home, and hibernate in my room for a week. Maybe it would be best not to go through this plan that I have in mind."_

Crossing his arms over his chest, the Earl chuckled for a split second before reminding me, "Tatsumi-san, _you _were the one who asked for this favor. I've already agreed to grant your request and you're already here. Why don't we make the most of this experience? Please sit down and enjoy my hospitality."

As much as I knew that my Tsuzuki-crazed host meant every word that he said to me, the fact that he and I squabbled for many decades made the start of my vacation more nerve-wracking. After a good five-minute stare and with neither one moving from where he stood, I relented and joined him at the dining table. I was still awe-struck from the elaborate preparation for my arrival and still wanting to abandon my own plans for the week.

My stomach acid was on overdrive as I persecuted myself for stooping so low and asking the Earl - out of all people - to help me. I pictured the lecher smirking over the fact that Tatsumi Seiichiro must be so desperate to have asked for his help. I hated the notion that the hentai, or anyone, could slap this favor against my face throughout my entire afterlife.

The truth is that I _am_ desperate. I need to put everything in my life to order, once and for all.

Another hour dreadfully passed as the Earl and I ate in silence...the very first time that we sat together without the exchange of acerbic remarks hidden in contrived civility. Admittedly, though, I became more used to the Castle of Candles' rather nostalgic atmosphere.

Since then, the time flew by more painlessly as the Earl gave me a tour around the mansion and then escorted me to a guestroom that was prepared for my planned visit.

By this time, the grandfather clock let out one reverberating chime. Glancing at my wristwatch, I just confirmed that it was now eleven-thirty in the evening.

My host asked me, once the chime was over, "Do you still wish to continue what you've intended to do, even though it means that you might not be able to change anything?"

"Yes, I do."

The Earl's masked moved, hinting that he was looking at the huge metal door at the end of the long and wide hallway directly behind me. He extended his arm and lay open the palm of his right hand. "Give me your right hand."

I gingerly gave him my hand, which he caressed until my open palm rested on top of his hand. My eyes narrowed, as thoughts of my hentai host taking advantage of the situation played within my mind.

With a tone suggesting that I should reconsider my decision, the Earl asked me, "Why do you wish to explore the _Hallways of the Past_?"

My heart pounded more fiercely with anger and frustration. "I want to win back my peace of mind."

As I tried to reclaim my hand, I realized that I could not remove it from where it now rested. I could not even move a single finger or muscle. Panic waved over me and I saw my shadows swirl around us and react to the fear and adrenaline coursing through my veins.

Once again, the Earl asked with a firmer voice, "_The truth,_ Tatsumi-san... Why do you wish to explore the _Hallways of the Past?_"

Many minutes passed with my eyes closed. I concentrated and made my final efforts to maintain a semblance of self-control. The physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual drain brought by today finally caught up with me. My voice quaked as I looked at the Earl straight in the eye and told him, "I don't know..."

My hand tingled and felt heavy. Opening my eyes, I saw a foreign object resting on my palm - an ornate golden key adorned with an eight-pointed star in its tip.

Letting go of my hand, the Earl then told me, "In your hand, Tatsumi-san, is the key to your past. The key would have never appear for you lest you are truthful enough to tell it why you wish to open its doors. The key in your hand will physically exist for one week. After that alloted time, the key would then disappear. I leave it up to you on whether you'd actually use it or not."

Without removing my gaze at the golden key, I let out a troubled sigh. Minutes later, I tightly clutched the key in my hand. "What else do I need to know should I decide to explore the _Hallways?_"

"You'd relive your past as well as all the joys and pains associated with it. During your stay inside the _Hallway_, you'll remember all your present memories. You won't be able to change the course of destiny, even though the years made you wiser. Once you reach the memories replaying the last second before you used the key, the _Hallway_ would release you from its spell but wouldn't allow you to return to this realm until you tell its Guardian the absolute truth."

"I understand..."

"I bid you goodnight, Tatsumi-san. I wish you luck."

The Earl then walked away from me, his booted footsteps echoing against the granite floor.

"Wait..."

Once my host turned around to face me, I turned pale but mustered to ask, "Why did you agree to help me, after -"

"_After_ all the bitter spats between us, most especially that outrageous lawsuit you filed against me months ago?"

I quietly nodded my head.

I saw his floating mask repeatedly shake from left to right before he told me with such melancholy, "We love the same people and are doomed to watch over them at a distance. Our methods of showing how much we care for our loved ones are different. You push away those who you love most, yet you'd protect them with all your might. You would rather have them think that you're an ogre. You would rather have them hate you - all while you have been there fore them watching over them. There is no peace in such a position."

A pause of silence filled the air, only to be broken by the twelve chimes coming from the grandfather clock. The nervous beating of my heart synchronized with the calculated sound. My eyes slightly narrowed as the key in my hand began to glow.

The Earl looked down on the floor and admitted immediately after the last chime was heard, "I don't know what you'd gain from traveling through the _Hallway. _I'm taking a leap of faith that your journey would give you whatever you need. Tsuzuki is _very _special to me. I know that if I help you, or anyone who is special to him, I'll be indirectly helping him. Helping you is one of my ways of showing how much I really care for that child."

I stood for many minutes to absorb the Earl's truthful words. Something within encouraged me to give him a reverent and grateful bow - the first sincere one that I was more than happy to give him since decades past.

As the Earl returned the bow that I have given him and had left me alone the vast hallway to contemplate my decision, my attention was split between the glowing key and its intended door.

Clutching the precious object in my hand, I walked towards the end of the hallway, inserted the key into the hole, and opened the door.

The shadows that served as my servants, defenders, and aggressors for many years swirled around me as a dank and dismal void greeted me.

The door closed behind me, left me in total darkness, and prevented anything - or anyone - from coming in or leaving the room.

The last sensation that I felt were the shadows brushing and swirling around me.

My knees began to weaken.

Eventually, the lack of air sapped out my consciousness and forced me to mingle with the unknown and frightful darkness that embraced me.

**End of Chapter One**

* * *

**_Author's Notes_**

_Ah, what is this fic all about..._

_Little is known of Tatsumi Seiichiro's past - not just to us fans, but also to his fellow YnM characters._

_Using the pieces of information provided by YnM's mangaka as well as my imagination, this fic is my attempt to fill in those many "holes" about his past. This fic is also my interpretation on why he is the person that we know, love, and fawn over as YnM fans._

_By the way, the timeline for this fic is after the Gensoukai story arc. Since Gensoukai is still pending, I'm going to take the position that the Gensoukai arc is over, Hisoka succeeds in getting the powerful dragon shikigami, Tatsumi and Tsuzuki - even though they are in more comfortable terms now - still have unresolved differences from Tatsumi's prior dumping of Tsuzuki, and Tatsumi and Watari's relationship becomes deeper and more intimate._

**_Normal Disclaimer_**

_Yami No Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) and its characters are copyrighted properties of Matsushita Yoko. This fan fiction and the minor original characters that appear within this fan fiction belong to PJ Zatken._


	2. Life Altering Changes

**YAMI NO MATSUEI - DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS**

**The Shadows of My Past**

**Chapter Two: Life-Altering Changes**

* * *

_**Timeline: **__December 27_

_Tatsumi Seiichiro's seventh birthday_

Shadows hovering over me and striking fear in my heart...that was the very first image imbedded in my memories and nightmares when I was a child.

Whenever the shadows crept from the crevices and warped my dreams, which happened every night for the first seven years of my life, there was one benevolent and beautiful savior that came to my rescue…

Mother….

As soon as Mother heard me scream, she would run to my room. Her face graced a gentle smile as she found me crying and quivering in my bed. She cuddled me until the warmth of her tight embrace and soothing voice pacified my fears, lulling me once more to sleep.

The first seven years of my life went by quickly..._too quickly..._

Due to the _Hallway's_ power to bend time, I was now reliving my life. I was fully aware of what I know about life as a human being and as a shinigami. However, I was completely unable to change any of the past events. All that I could be was a silent spectator. I was bound to seeing, feeling, thinking, touching, tasting, smelling, and hearing everything that my younger self was experiencing.

Although I knew how the path of my so-called life would go, it was as if I was experiencing everything for the very first time. The Earl had advised me that I would have the knowledge to discern what I perceive was right or wrong in the way my life would progress, but I would not have the power to change anything.

And even though I had the privilege to change anything these first seven years, I would not change a single thing...even if it meant that my younger sister Inari would stop whining or bugging me.

So far, the events that transpired during the almost-seven years of my life ranged from the mundane to the amusing. I remembered coming across a psychology book that mentioned that the first seven years of a child's life would also serve as his or her defining years.

Before this experience of returning to my past, I did not believe in such a constricting claim. If there was a semblance of truth to this theory, my first seven years of life really defined my fate and identity. The first seven years of my life set those two aspects in stone starting tonight – the eve of my seventh birthday.

My present self, now forced to relive my life through younger eyes, reopened the wounds of the past. I could not help but find myself screaming messages of encouragement and wisdom. I end up feeling helpless and frustrated to see my younger half suffer through the same debilitating emotions that started the cycle of who I became as a person.

I was tired of feeling helpless and frustrated. I was already dead and my afterlife was slowly but surely suffocating and killing me all over again.

This very feeling was the reason why I asked the Earl for such an unprecedented favor.

Since the morning of my birthday, my eyes maintained their melancholic and intently transfixed gaze at the wooden coffin propped in front of me. I did not recall as to how long I sat before the shrine that day. Even though I was reliving this sliver of my life, I still lost track of time. All I knew was that I stayed there for hours and stared at the coffin since mid-day.

_"You're now the man of this household, Seiichiro. Take care of Mother and your younger sister. You're now their provider and protector,"_ said the familiar voice that echoed inside my head since last night...its owner having undergone the last throes before death to ensure that my family would be safe.

What bothered me most was that the owner of that voice had more faith in my abilities than I ever would.

My insides were screaming that day, and for many years after this fated day.

At age seven, I learned that life and fate were so unfair to my family. As much as I had been honored and entrusted with such a responsibility, I knew that I was not ready.

Why did this rite of passage to manhood have to happen so soon for me?

I wanted to cry out to Heaven and tell the gods how cruel they were for sealing my family's fate. However, I felt too suffocated to even fathom how hurt, angry, and sad I was over Father's death.

I repeated my wish inside my head, as if it was a mantra. I wished that this was all a bad dream. I wished that I would wake up very soon from this terrible, cursed, and nebulous haze.

After half a day had already passed by, I resignedly accepted that the fact before me was not a bad dream. Everything – including the cold-looking coffin in front of me – was real.

"Seiichiro, please eat something," proposed Mother as she rested her hand over my left shoulder. Although she used the gentlest voice that she could possibly muster, her efforts failed to comfort me.

"I'm okay, Mother," I replied without removing my gaze at Father's portrait and withholding the tears that were about to fall. Although I knew that such gestures would be fruitless and moot, part of me wished that Father would live again. If the gods would not grant my father's resurrection, I guess that part of me wanted to hold on to the memory of what he looked like when he was still alive.

Miffed and concerned, she pointed out while trying to suppress her tears, "You haven't eaten _anything _since last night! The last thing that I wanted to happen is for you to follow your father!"

I saw the expression of her face and the widening of her eyes the second she said those words. Shock and sadness made her stop as she realized what she just told me. I could not blame her frustration. She had just offered me food for the fifth time since this morning and once again, I refused to listen to her.

I guess that I was just completely numbed and shocked about everything. I was so numb that I never even paid attention to the fact that she had been sitting beside me all the time since this morning.

There was a long silence between us. Mother sat there as her eyes focused on me.

"I..."

Mother shifted from where she sat once she heard me talk. She scooted closer to where I sat.

"I want Father back! This _isn't_ fair!" I cried out as warm tears began to flow down my cheeks and my emotions caved in.

Mother's azure eyes glistened. She drew me close to her and hugged me. The fast-paced beating of her heart did not coincide with her calm demeanor.

As I sobbed, she consolingly rubbed my back and soothingly whispered, "I'm sorry, Seiichiro. I didn't mean to hurt you with my words. I just don't want you to get sick. I'm sure that Father wouldn't want that to happen, either."

"Why did he have to leave us so soon, Mother? Doesn't he want to be with us anymore?" I asked while trying to hide the hurt and emptiness that I felt inside my heart and soul.

Mother gently cupped my face with her soft hands. She stared into my eyes, gave me an empathetic smile, and then hugged me even tighter. "The gods have called your father. It was already his destined time. He has been very sick. The gods didn't wish to prolong his suffering. If he had the choice, he would've wanted to stay with us. He would've loved to watch you and Inari grow up. He would've wished to grow old and to be with us as much as he possibly could. However, we must honor and respect what the gods have deemed for your father."

After a long period of silence between us, Mother kissed my forehead and then continued, "Please remember that Father and I love you and your sister very much. We want to protect you and your sister as much as we could. We'd rather suffer the cruelest of fates, if it meant sparing you and Inari from enduring such misfortune. Your father might have left us in body, but he'll always be with us in spirit. Right now, he needs our love and prayers."

Still resting my head against her chest and finding a small grain of comfort, I told her while my eyes were closed, "I don't know if I could handle being the head of the family, but I'll try..."

Sighing deeply, she remarked, "We have faith in you. You also don't have to handle this burden alone, Seiichiro. I'm here. Inari's also with us."

Shortly thereafter, as I felt some of her teardrops fall on my shoulder and back, I murmured, "I'm going to do my best, Mother. I'm going to do my best so that you and Inari don't have to cry anymore."

As I continued embracing my mother, my mind's eye kept replaying the very moment that changed my family's life...Father's death.

My younger sister and I grew up respecting and adoring our parents. If there were traits that Father was known for by those who truly knew him, it would have been his optimism and wisdom. Others considered such traits as ironic, especially for a man whose family fell to the bottom rung of the social and financial status ladder due to a series of family misfortunes that siphoned his clan's wealth when he was barely thirteen.

Throughout the course of the years, Father saw the immediate members of his family compromise their virtues over money. Out of all the family members, including his parents, Father kept his steadfast principles and believed that if a person was passionate about his craft then the money would follow. As a farmer and businessman, he worked with diligence and honor. As a husband, he tenderly encouraged Mother even though she was not a gifted homemaker...let alone a terrible cook. As a father, he was fair and patient.

My mother, a noble woman, left the comforts of her family status and eloped with Father. She loved her family with all her heart. She might not be a good homemaker or cook, but she made up for her domestic shortcomings with love and understanding.

One fact that I established about them throughout the course of my life, and afterlife, was that my parents truly loved each other. Together, they made a loving heaven out of the financial hell that our family lived in. What was important to them was that they built a home, brought the best out of each other, and did their best to impart those lessons to their children. They defended each other from their respective family's harsh tongue and ostracism.

How I wished that others saw past the poverty that my family was enduring. I wished that everyone had known my parents for the wonderful people that they were. Instead, many people have misjudged my parents.

Mother's parents accused Father for aspiring to remove his parents from impoverished conditions.

Father's family threw scathing remarks against Mother for not being a skilled homemaker. The criticisms became worse when they found out that her parents disowned her.

As silent and forgiving as my parents were about their familial experiences, I knew that their parents' harsh words deeply hurt them. Just as any child, they would have wanted the love and acceptance of their parents. I knew that such denial from their parents had hurt them for many years.

Although I should be finding comfort from Mother's embrace, my eyes narrowed and the blood rushed to my head. Those gossipmongers were all wrong about my parents. With Father's death and Mother's grieving, how I wish that those holier-than-thou people could take back every insult or criticism that they have thrown against my family. I did not care whether some of those people were my relatives.

In my eyes, they owe us an apology.

Someday, as the head of my family, I would reclaim what _rightfully _belonged to us. I swear that I would carry out that much-needed retribution. That retribution might be not now, but in the near or distant future. I would _not_ settle for anything less.

A chill traveled down my spine as I felt a presence watch over Mother and me. Without budging, my eyes scanned the room.

Looking straight ahead at the corner of the room were those shadows that I dreaded in my nightmares. As they seeped through my waking hours and made their presence known, this was the first time that I felt an affiliation with them.

Today, my seventh birthday, was the beginning of my dark life. The day that changed my life and robbed me of my childhood was also the day that I discovered and welcomed my life-long friends.

While the shadows' shapeless forms swirled and danced, I could not help but compare them with the future that was before me...dark, uncertain, mysterious, and dangerous.

**End of Chapter Two

* * *

**

_**Author's Side Note**_

_I hope that you liked the first seven years of Tatsumi Seiichiro's life. Let me know what you think via constructive reviews ;-D._

**_Warmest Regards, PJ Zatken_**

**_Normal Disclaimer_**

_Yami No Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) and its characters are copyrighted properties of Matsushita Yoko. This fan fiction and the original characters that appear within this fan fiction belong to Zatken._


	3. Sibling Rifts

**YAMI NO MATSUEI - DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS**

**The Shadows of My Past**

**Chapter Three - Sibling Rift**

* * *

If it were not for Asukawa Mako, I would not know as to how our family would have survived. I would also not have known as to how I would have handled the responsibility that was left on my shoulders since seven years old. 

Mako-san was Father's business partner long before Father met and married Mother. He also had been my business partner and father figure since Father's death.

There were two words that I could use to describe the elderly man - kind and fair. I witnessed how he treated Father, who was decades his junior, with respect and concern.

When Father died, Mako-san visited my home and had a long talk with Mother. He asked her permission to continue the business arrangement that he and Father had forged. He also proposed that I should be the one to take Father's place.

Mother, knowing how Mako-san was as a businessman and as a person, was more than happy to relent. I remembered how she hugged the man who showed more familial love and concern than her own parents ever did.

The arrangement between Mako-san and me was simple: I attended school in the morning, Mako-san paid for my schooling, he expected excellent grades from me, we planted on his land and my family's field after school, we harvested the crops, we sold our products at the market, and we split the profits fifty-fifty.

To begin with, the arrangement was not fair to Mako-san since his land was twice the size of ours. He, however, seemed to have been more than happy to honor our agreement. There was a time wherein I refused to accept half of the proceeds since our land's crops were destroyed by the storm. Nonetheless, the old man insisted and did not leave the house until I accepted the money.

Upon asking Mako-san as to why he did so much for my family, his short but heartfelt answer was, "Your parents have been my children throughout these years. You have been a child to me since you were born. To honor your father's memory, please allow me to be your father from now on. I know that this arrangement would be what your parents would've wanted. I just hope that I could be half the man that your father had been for you."

Since that day, I treated the old man with love, loyalty, and respect. I worked and studied hard. I wanted a better future for my family. I wanted to fulfill my promise to Father by being a good provider and protector for Mother and Inari. I wanted to be worthy of opportunities such as the arrangement that I have made with Mako-san.

Last, but not the least, I wanted Mako-san to be proud of me as well. I felt that if I make him proud, I have also made Father proud of me.

Ten years had passed by quickly...ten years since I became the patriarch of our financially-deprived family. I thought that I have already learned the lessons essential in survival since Father died. Although I forced myself to master those lessons as fast as I could, what I was not ready for were the emotional repercussions of being the head of the family.

As much as Mother was there for Inari and me, I could not help but feel that I could never be there for her. No matter how hard I have tried, I could not remove the sadness that was in her heart. Instead, there were times that even I get pulled into her dark world...only to harden my heart since I need my fullest mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual capacities to be there for my family.

Shortly after Father's death, my grandparents - Mother's parents - completely disowned her and vehemently cursed her. Mother twice refused their offer of forgiveness when they forced her to marry the person that she was betrothed to when she eloped with Father. She endured the scrutinizing eyes and wagging tongues of gossipmongers as they played uninvited and idiotic matchmakers much to my silent disgust.

To those no-good neighbors of ours, as well as my grandparents, Mother was stupid for letting go of opportunities to live a more comfortable life by marrying another man.

I firmly believe that Mother made the right decision not to marry anyone after Father. To this very day, I could not picture anyone who would be worthy enough to take Father's place. I could not see anyone being good enough to be a husband, friend, and companion for Mother.

Mother, however, was slowly slipping away into depression over Father's death, her parents' ostracism, Inari's immodest antics, and my dark change. Her health and sanity were being eaten away before my eyes.

I found out Mother's state of mind through her mumblings when she thought that I was already asleep. She believed that the gods were surely punishing her for her disobedience. She also felt guiltier since she knew that her disobedience was the stand that she needed to take to be wtih Father. In-between tears, she would say in front of Father's picture that she would defy her parents all over again so that they could be together again. She said on other occasions that if time turned back and the gods had asked her to choose once more between her parents and Father, she would choose Father without forethought.

As the first years of Father's death passed, Mother noticed that dark change inside me. The lingering shadows' frequenting presence around me, raging teenage hormones, and festering unresolved wrath from known and unknown sources made her concern for me grow each day. She began to see how the shadows manifested through my emotions as they continued to torment and consume me. I could see how deep that certain sadness and fright ran in her being as she saw my true self unfold before her very eyes.

Nonetheless, she showed more of that love and concern for me when I least deserved it. In her eyes, I was her loving and precious son. Although I was mostly silent about my feelings, she had an idea as to what thoughts were running in my mind. She loved me the same regardless of whether I was affectionate, tolerable, mischievous, insensitive, or angry at any given day.

As much as I rarely told my family that I loved them dearly, Mother knew that I would do anything to protect them. I did my best to show that she and Inari were precious in my life. The fact that I would do anything – even kill – to protect them made Mother suffer mixed emotions of sadness, fear, and assurance.

Just as Mother saw the depth of my intentions through my eyes, I sensed her selflessness and care through her eyes.

By this time in my life, the shadows and I became more familiar but dubious acquaintances. The passage of time along with extenuating circumstances gave me a sense of arrogant boldness over my dark companions. I learned how to taunt the shadows to do my will from time to time. There were instances, however, that the unbridled shadows would lash out and seep into my nightmares.

I needed a sense of balance within to control the lingering shadows around me.

Inari, my sister, used to provide that sense of balance for me with her sweet and gentle ways. However, she changed into a rebellious and wanton young woman three years ago for reasons unknown to Mother and me. Mother thought that one of the ways that the gods were punishing her was through Inari. Inari's turns for the worse infuriated and frustrated me to no end.

Mako-san's influence in my life kept most of those shadows from totally devouring my soul as he became the father figure and friend that I needed. Nonetheless, his presence and his guidance - as comforting and assuring as it might be - was not enough.

There were nights wherein I stifled my screams and held back my tears from the shadows' ever-changing shapes. My nightmares perpetually blamed me for Inari's wild ways and Mother's descent towards insanity. Bolting out of bed, my chest heaved heavily, my eyes went wide with fright, and my heart pounded mercilessly as I stayed alone in the dark.

This time, no one came to my rescue. I was too stubborn and proud to allow Mother to comfort me as she usually did. My heart, however, would always remain as the child whose heart begged for Mother's embrace.

I did not wish to be a burden to Mother, but I failed. Aside from being the fierce protector of my family, I became the constant source of her sadness and concern for the past ten years. I caused her so many heartaches that I already lost count the number of times that she cried at night in her bedroom, not knowing that I could hear her sobs and that my heart was breaking along with hers.

Tonight happened to be one of those times.

_"Oww..."_

In the most gentle voice that she could possibly muster, Mother said as she patted over the bruises and cuts on my face and lips with a wet cloth, "Seiichiro, why did you get into a fight again? You know that Father and I never approve of such things. Fighting never culminates into anything wholesome."

I kept a brave face in spite of the severe beating that I just endured from five local bullies. I gritted my teeth to hold back the winces of pain every time Mother's wet washcloth touched the sensitive and bleeding parts of my face. "They tried to steal the money from me. Another smart mouth also said something bad about Inari."

Mother cupped her hands on my face and made me look into her eyes. "Son, you and Inari have always been far more important to me than anything else in the world. I don't know how I'd take it if something bad happens to any of you. Please, don't fight anymore."

Looking sideways, I retorted with quiet anger brewing inside me, "It wasn't just the money, Mother. I've worked hard to earn a living for us. Aside from that, those thugs disrespected our family. I could never let anyone get away with that. If you ask me, they deserved that thrashing from me. That, however, would still not be enough to pay for what they did."

Mother shook her head and then explained, "You're seventeen years old now, Seiichiro. I've raised you and your sister to live peaceably with others. Whatever those boys said to you were just mere words. Kind words help the spirit grow. Hurtful words would never reduce who you are as a human being. Learn how to forgive and be patient towards others. Let the gods handle whatever retribution they wish to deliver against those who harm you."

"Father lived by his principles. I'm doing my best to keep his legacy since he died. The gods only help those who help themselves, Mother. There are times that one must protect and fight for what's important. Tonight, when I fought them, happens to be one of those times."

There was a long, tense-filled silence between us. Mother continued to clean up my wounds, her hands becoming shakier as the minutes passed. I could hear her sniffing and I could see how she bit her lip.

"I'm sorry that you have to go though this for your sister's and for my sake. If I have been more..." Mother finally murmured before she choked and broke down into a silent but uncontrollable sob. She clutched the wet washcloth so tightly that her knuckle turned deathly white. Her warm tears dropped on the hardwood floor where she and I have been sitting for the past hour.

Giving her a hug while holding back my tears, I whispered to her in a calm voice, "Mother, please don't cry anymore. We're getting by, aren't we?"

"I wish that I could help more, but I'm not even proficient in housework. I'm your mother. I should be easing your burden. I shouldn't be making things worse for you so that you have to resort to fighting."

"You _shouldn't_ think that way about yourself, Mother. By the way, where's Inari? I need to speak with her."

Mother did not answer my question, which meant that she did not know where Inari had gone to since this morning. Before my eyes narrowed as I stewed in anger, I heard her say to me, "Promise me that you won't get into _any_ fights. I don't want to lose another member of this family."

"But -"

"_Please,_ Seiichiro. No more fights..." begged Mother in a calm but firmer voice as she gazed into my eyes and acknowledged in silence that she understood my reason for resorting into a fistfight.

"I can't promise you that I won't fight anymore. I promise to do my best to avoid them," I muttered as my embrace around Mother tightened. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. My mind kept recalling and reminding my heart as to how much I missed the old Inari. I noticed how much Mother slipped deeper into her despair since my sister's drastic change in behavior.

My thoughts eventually drew me back to Inari - making my teeth clench from anger and reminding me of the many cuts and bruises that I received from those thugs who called her a whore.

I would _definitely _have a word with my wayward sister before this night is through...

* * *

The first signs of dawn began to appear as the owner of deliberately quiet footsteps opened the door to our house. Being careful not to awaken anyone, the new arrival tiptoed on the floor and headed straight towards the empty bedroom. 

"Is _this_ a decent time for a proper young lady to come home?" I asked from the farthest corner of the living room as I saw the new arrival trying - and hoping - to sneak undetected inside the house. By this time, my eyes have already been acquainted seeing in the dark and the shadows have kept me company for many hours

"Oni-sama?" exclaimed Inari with a subtle gasp of surprise.

As I emerged from the darkest corner of the living room and approached her, my eyes narrowed while harshly whispering, "Where have you been all this time, Inari? You haven't been home since yesterday morning. You haven't been in school for days. You made Mother worry again. I've been waiting for you since I came home last night."

The nonchalant reply that I received from her was, "I've been out."

Anger festered inside me when she turned her back and intended to leave me in the living room without resolving this matter. I grabbed her hand, yanked her towards me, and remarked, "We're not done talking yet! Where have you been all this time?"

The second response, much more curt and disrespectful than the previous one, was, "I've been out! Are you deaf?"

For the first time, I have done the unimaginable. I slapped her hard across the face.

Her slate blue eyes flashed in such vile rage as she pushed me away. "You have no right to impose your self-righteous values on me! Not everyone is as saintly as you!"

Grabbing her harder than I did earlier, I pulled her towards me until there was no distance left between us. "Oh, I have _every_ right to do so! You're a member of this family. You'll do your best to uphold and maintain its reputation!"

"I don't give a damn about reputation! I don't give a damn about school!"

The more that Inari fought to pull herself away, the harder that I pulled her towards me. Shaking in anger and losing any sense of calmness, I retorted, "You don't give a damn about anything but you! Do you know that the local thugs call you a whore? Do you know that the neighbors talk about how that lecherous politician's been hanging around you?"

Flinging her hands, Inari dismissively told me, "What they're saying about me is true. I don't care about their talks, so you shouldn't be bothered by them."

Exasperation seeped through my voice. "By the gods, I'm your brother and Mother worries about you! Don't you have at least a token of respect left for others? Don't you have any self-respect? What happened to you that made you want to blatantly throw your life away?"

Inari closed her eyes and looked sideways, her voice dropping down to a defeated whisper. "Let me be, Oni-sama. I'm not as helpless as you think I am. Don't get in trouble anymore on my account. You've been doing a lot for this family by going to school _and _working so hard. Just let me be and let me do my part for this family. You don't have to be everyone's savior."

Feeling as if my jaw was about to lock from clenching my teeth so hard, I spat, "_That's_ the point! I'm doing everything that I can so that no one in our family has to stoop low! When are you going to get it through your thick head that I'm here to protect you!"

"That _is_ the point, Oni-sama! I don't need your protection! I'm already sixteen and I can damn well protect myself!"

After uttering those words, Inari walked out on me and slid her bedroom door shut. I marched as fast as I could after her, my anger spewing over as she closed the door before my face.

"Inari! Come out here!" I screamed behind the door as my fingers tried to pry the door open. Knowing that she was purposefully avoiding me made me so livid...so livid that I did not notice the faint voice that was repeatedly calling my name.

By the time that I turned around and saw Mother, her eyes were wide and reflected such fear while the flickering shadows wrapped around my feet and disappeared into the void.

* * *

"Not bad for a day's work at the market, huh, Tatsumi-kun..." 

"Not bad at all," I said with a reserved smile on my face as I received and counted my share of today's proceeds from Asukawa Mako. The grin on my face grew - the first one that I was able to muster since this morning - as I just confirmed that my usual one-half was in my hands.

Immediately after securing the money inside my deep pockets, I went back to loading the empty crates back into our shared wagon.

Mako-san raised an eyebrow and gave me a probing gaze. "At the rate that you've been making our business grow, I think that you've saved more than enough money for a bright future. You can marry any woman you wish. You can give your new family a good life."

"You exaggerate, old man," I wryly remarked while I teasingly elbowed my business partner, family friend, father figure, and confidante of many years.

"Do you know that you've surpassed your father when it came to making a business lucrative?"

I fell silent for a minute and felt my face turn red. This reaction happened every time someone honored me by comparing me to how Father was when he was still alive. I stammered, "There wasn't much to change. I just implemented what was fair and equitable. We work hard for the crops that we sell and our customers must respect that fact."

"That's why I let you handle that part of our agreement, my boy. You have a stronger disposition to say 'no' to those who wish to abuse their privileges."

I blinked a couple of times before asked, "What privileges?"

A big grin escaped Mako-san's lips. "That's _exactly _what I'm talking about. All those haggling customers stopped their racket ever since we've been working together. You're a smarter businessman than I could ever be. Plus, they're afraid of you."

After pausing for a couple of minutes as I loaded up our cart, I then continued, "I'm still too young to think about such things. Aside from that, Mother and Inari still need me."

After loading another empty wooden crate inside our cart, my business partner slapped my arm just as he normally did whenever he wanted to make a point with me. "You're already seventeen! You're old enough to marry, smart enough to make it on your own, and responsible enough to be a good provider! It has been like that for a very long time. _What_ are you waiting for?"

"I'm happy the way things are, Mako-san. I haven't even thought about marriage until you brought it up."

"Look, my boy. I know how much you love your family, but you need to start thinking about yourself more for a change. I didn't tell you to stop taking care of your mother...and with the way that Inari's conducting herself, she'll be out of your hands very soon."

My vision went dim for a minute as I pondered about the last exchange of words that I had with Inari. My blood began to boil just by thinking about what happened this morning. I pondered as to how Mother hid her sadness and displeasure from seeing Inari and I bicker so often.

Mako-san really knew how to drive a point home where it hurt the most. The observations that he made about my younger sister, Inari, were all true. Nonetheless, he sheepishly stammered after he gave me a quick glance, "I - I'm sorry, Tatsumi-kun. Sometimes, my mouth gets too carried away. Forgive me. I didn't mean any malice behind my comment."

I guess that the old man saw my eyes narrow and my brow furrow - a mannerism that I acquired and maintained as long as I could remember. I did the best that I could to remove or even minimize that habit. During our childhood days, Inari told me that it scared people to see me in such a state.

However, there was an old adage forewarning that old habits were hard to kill...and I have been doing this habit more often, especially since Inari had been acting so rebellious for the past three years and counting.

"It's all right," I said with a light and apologetic half-smile. In my own quiet way of letting him know that I was not angry with him, I looked at the remaining crates and told him while my hand rested on his arm, "Why don't you take a break, Mako-san? There's only a few remaining crates left. I can handle everything by myself."

Mako-san warily eyed at me, still wanting to help and slightly protesting over my proposal. He saw the quiet insistence in my eyes...making him relent, giving me a nod of gratitude, and sitting on top of the crate that we customarily loaded last in our cart.

For the old man who became my teacher and father, being a son to him was only a small consolation for what he had done for me over the years.

I was not angry at Mako-san at all...

Every time that I remembered Inari's defiantly wild ways, it infuriated and saddened me at the same time. I did the best that I could to provide and protect our family, but I could swear that she was born to ruin every good effort that I make to uplift our family's financial and social status. She was spitting on the only wealth that our father had left us - our family honor and our good name. What angered me most about her was the fact that Mother and I loved her very much in spite of everything that she had done, and she repaid that love by wanting and living a life that blemished the Tatsumi name.

Inari was now sixteen. She was young, beautiful, strong-willed, and ambitious. Had she only applied that inner drive to do something constructive with her life, I have no doubt that she would go far in life. She could have found and married a suitable man who deserved her. She could have been a good mother for her children.

Instead, my only living sister earned the reputation of a whore...much to Mother's sadness and my resentment.

Inari used to be kind, considerate, cheerful, optimistic, and proper. Since her drastic change, I felt guilty wishing from time to time that the gods had taken Inari instead of Father. I was thinking that if Inari had died in Father's stead, she would have been saved from her self-destructive ways. Mother could have been happier, especially since Father and I would work together to keep our family peaceful and intact.

Unfortunately, fate had been mostly cruel to my family.

Breaking the ice of silence between us, Mako-san asked, "Isn't there a woman out there that suits your fancy, Tatsumi-kun? I've seen plenty of them circling around our stall, batting their eyelashes and wanting for your attention."

After letting out a sigh, I told him with a wry smile, "I would want someone who has refinement, intelligence, and beauty. I would want someone who would know how to take care of our children and me...someone who I could love deeply and would accept me for who I really am."

The old man shifted his seated position and crossed his arms in front of his chest. His eyes twinkled in amusement over my response. "Do you know that most men become more idealistic as they become older and remain single? It happens most especially when it comes to choosing his mate. You're only seventeen years old and you've already set up such high standards for a potential wife. If you keep being so fussy and choosy, you might end up being like me...old and _never_ married. That would be such a waste."

"If I'm going to choose a mate and the future mother of my children, I might as well choose properly. Not doing such precaution _would_ be the waste..."

Mako-san shook his head while asking me, "Must you treat marriage just as you would make any of your business decisions?"

With quiet certainty laced in my voice, I turned around and inquired, "Isn't that how every decision in life should be made? Shouldn't one be as certain as he possibly could? So far, my plans and decisions for our ventures haven't steered us wrong."

"You _are_ blessed with a sharp mind for business. However, there are times wherein you must take a leap of fate and see what happens next. I admired your father. He was also a good businessman and a keen negotiator, but he was also an eternal optimist."

"Knowing that nothing lasts forever takes the optimism out from life. That's the similarity between money and human life. Money and human life _never_ last forever."

Mako-san's eyes lit up and he lifted an index finger as another pearl of wisdom inspired him to say, "Ah, but wouldn't you agree with me that money is more predictable than life? You would never know when one's life would end. As to money, closely monitoring it could make it stretch longer if one watches the expenses."

Silence transpired since the last crate was loaded in our wagon up to the time that we were halfway to my home.

After thinking and wondering as to why our most recent conversations have been bordering towards rationalism and ideals, I could not help but shake my head, chuckle, and stare at the old man. "What's going on with you, Mako-san? You've never been so philosophical about such things, especially when it comes to money."

Glancing sideways, Mako-san genially smiled. "I guess age opens up a person's life to more truths. For example, what makes you so engrossed with business and mathematics?"

"I never really gave it much thought," I replied as I prodded the horse to slow down its pace.

"Humor an old man and just answer the question."

Another comfortable period of silence passed before I murmured, "I really can't think of an answer right now..."

"Why don't you give me an answer by the end of this week?"

"That's five days from now," I said with a hint of silent protest.

"Five days will give you enough time to reflect."

Smiling and shaking my head, I told him, "Fine. You'll get your answer five days from now."

Inviting Mako-sama to join my family for supper, we finally reached the farm.

After securing all our supplies and feeding the horse, we wearily removed our slippers and quietly stepped inside my home...only to see Mother uncontrollably crying with her head bowed down close to the hardwood floor. She clasped a note with a shaky left hand while her right hand covered her face.

Mako-sama and I ran towards Mother. The old man rested a comforting hand on her back as I knelt before her.

Making her look into my eyes, Mother eventually lifted her face and absentmindedly mumbled, "She left us... She's never coming back..."

I took the note from her hands...frowning as I read it and being left speechless afterwards.

Not knowing whether I should be shocked, angry, or sad, I handed the note over to Mako-sama and hugged Mother as tightly as I could. I closed my eyes as my suffocated feelings tried to wrack my brain. I did not know what to do next.

Inari had once again hurt our family, for that fateful note read...

**_Mother, Oni-sama_**

_I eloped and started a new life._

_Your lives would be better off without me._

_Pray for my happiness, and forget about me._

**_Inari_**

**End of Chapter Three**

* * *

**_Author's Side Note_**

_Chapters One through Three have changes in them. _

_I took out any reference of Tatsumi having two sister...and instead, changed it into one sister - Inari. This, again, is based on Dame Theria's manga translations that Tatsumi has a younger sister in the past (and not sisters...hmmm...I wonder where I came across that he has sisters in the past)._

_Thanks to Theria, Sakura Crisis, and Manon's YnM Yahoo! Groups for tickling my insatiable curiosity for Ynm ;-D You guys, as well as those who support you, are awesome!_

_**Review Responses**_

_Ah, people have asked me what the present-day Tatsumi's role is, as this story about his past unravels. Let me explain, and if it still doesn't make sense then please let me know ;-D_

_Picture your future self - who is invisible and knows exactly every thing that would happen - watching over your past self. As much as your future self has all conceivable knowledge and would not make the same mistakes made in the past, the future self is doomed to relive the mistakes by watching his or her past self repeat those mistakes before his or her very eyes._

_At first, your future self may be able to distinguish himself or herself from the past counterpart...but as the events of the past unravel and old wounds reopen, the danger of making the same mistakes and agonizing with guilt runs greater._

_What's worse from making a mistake because one doesn't know any better is making the same mistake even after knowing the consequences of committing that error._

_I can think of two words to describe the experience - scary, torturous, and self-flagellating. The experience is similar to parents watching their child make the same mistakes that they've made when they were younger, their advice falling on deaf ears, and suffering the pains that their child endures as the consequences of the mistakes unfold before everyone._

_However, Tatsumi's situation is much more surreal and much worse than the parent-child analogy._

_Unlike parents, who still have a glimmer of hope that their child would be saved from making such a huge error in judgment, Tatsumi knew from the very beginning that he would relive his past exactly as to how events have happened...and he had no way of changing anything. He traveled back in time, so that he could make a distinction why he becomes the person that he is today...particularly when it comes to his relationships with people, and most especially when it pertains to intimate relationships._

_Thanks for the wonderful reviews, everyone! I hope that you liked this chapter as well. Let me know what you think via constructive reviews ;-D._

**_Warmest Regards, Zatken_**

**_Normal Disclaimer_**

_Yami No Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) and its characters are copyrighted properties of Matsushita Yoko. This fan fiction and the original characters (Mako-san, Inari) that appear within this fan fiction belong to Zatken._


	4. Inari's Fall

**YAMI NO MATSUEI – DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS**

**The Shadows of My Past**

**Chapter Four – Inari's Fall**

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**_To the Readers_**

_This chapter, and the subsequent chapters of this story, will contain insinuations of rape and suicide._

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Three years had quickly gone by since Inari eloped and became Ishino Toya's mistress... 

Ishino Toya. The name alone just sickens me...

It had been a while since I spent time thinking about that despicable monster. Never had I imagined that my sister would share the same bed with Ishino – a crooked politician who profited through extorting and cheating hardworking citizens.

I saw first-hand as a child how Ishino's goons hurt merchants' businesses for many years. They scared away customers from buying at stalls that refused to give money, harassed those who oppose them through taunting and violence, implemented every underhanded tactic, and even resorted to murder and got away with it to set a morbid example for others not to cross paths against Ishino.

Yes, the bastard Ishino had money but he would never have a good name. I would never understand why my sister jumped into such a shallow life as a lecher's plaything. Only one thing came good out of my sister's association with Ishino...his men left our stall alone.

Unfortunately, the other merchants' sufferings continued.

Almost everything else in my life was running smoothly. Business and school were going well. As the months passed, Mako-san and I enjoyed the steady increase in profits. Aside from being able to provide well for my family, I was able to pay for my education and save money for reserves.

In regards to school, I was attending Tokyo Imperial University. I juggled mountains of homework and projects while I made my shared business with Mako-san thrive.

How I wish that life at home was also fine. Now at the age of twenty, I was a firm believer that anything could be achieved through hard work...even peace of mind.

Ever since Inari left home, Mother drifted more towards depression and instability. She would uncontrollably sob if she saw anything that reminded her of my wayward sister. As much as I did my best to console Mother, my heart crumbled since I could not do anything to ease her pain.

If the life that my sister chose was already distasteful in my eyes, my disgust for Ishino supercedes it. Three years was not enough for old wounds to heal.

Although I did not fail to blame Inari and curse Ishino for Mother's condition, I mostly blamed myself for not being able to stop or fix the situation. I love Mother and Inari, but I have to remain strong for our family. There was no room for sorrow or tears if I want to ensure my family's survival.

Or so I thought...

As Mako-san and I worked all day at the market, I sensed the old man's uneasiness. Even though it pained me to see him go through such an uncomfortable state, I strengthened my resolve, focused on the work in front of us, and opted to have a heart-to-heart talk with him afterwards.

Once I found out the source of Mako-san's distress, I was stunned. All of a sudden, everything made sense...Inari's rebellion since she was thirteen, her elopement three years ago, Ishino's hands-off policy from the business for the past six years. Although many thoughts and emotions bombarded me, all that I could manage to ask was, "Is this all true?"

Mako-san just stared into my eyes as he told me the news about Inari…saddened in what he had to tell me but felt obligated in doing so. For as many times as he felt it was needed, he replied, "Yes, Tatsumi-kun…. Everything that I just told you is all true. I confirmed everything before telling you about this."

As I leaned my head against the tree and hid my face, Mako-san continued, "I told you this for your peace of mind, Tatsumi-kun."

Barely managing to hold back my tears and my body trembling from anger, I clenched my fist and punched the tree. Through gritted teeth and seething rage, I said to my old friend as pain burned through my bleeding knuckles, "_Peace of mind?_ What peace of mind could I get from knowing that my sister was pushed into the life that she chose for _my _sake?"

The old man rested his hand over my shoulder and waited until the shaking of my body subsided. Sensing that I have somewhat calmed down, he told me as gently as he could, "The peace of mind will come from the fact that your sister is the same person that you used to know...loving and self-sacrificing. She did everything that she could do to save face and the family reputation, given that she didn't have too many options."

The heart-crushing disappointment that I bore against Inari for many years slowly transformed into guilt. How could I feel such animosity against my sister when I did not even bother to find out what caused her to elope.

"Are you going to be all right, Tatsumi-kun?"

In my own quiet and intent way, I replied, "I'm the one who should bear the family burden. I did everything so that neither Mother nor Inari had to make sacrifices. Inari should've known better that I'd do anything to set things right for her."

"She doesn't want the life that she now lives for herself, either. However, she loves you and doesn't want you to get involved. Ishino Toya is a dirty politician. He'll do _anything_ to get what he wants."

I looked into Mako-san's eyes as if I was searching for an answer, solace, or anything that could quell my soul from the unexplainable ache that I was feeling this moment. "You don't understand, Mako-san. I failed. I'm supposed to be there for Mother and Inari. I wasn't able to protect her from that bastard. What would happen if Mother finds out about this?"

"What do you plan to do?" asked the old man, his face reflecting some regret from what he just shared with me.

With narrowed eyes and clenched fists, I remarked, "I don't care about Ishino or what he and his men would do to me. I'll get my sister back, no matter what it takes…."

* * *

Early in the morning, I headed to the university and asked my professors permission to be absent today due to family business. Relieved to have obtained their consent, I turned in my projects and I left to visit Inari after three years of not seeing each other. 

Once the servants stood for a while and tried to figure out who I was, I heard Inari's voice. Finally reaching the gate, peeking out to see who the new arrival was, and seeing my face, her eyes went wide. "_Oni-sama?_ Aren't you supposed to be at school or work right now?"

"I need to speak with you. It's important."

After ordering the servants to prepare a meal for us, Inari bowed and motioned me to come inside the house. As I helped her close the heavy gate, she told me, "It's been a long time. It's so nice to see you, Oni-sama."

My heart felt as if it was about to melt from hearing her say those words to me…not with just what she said, but also with the manner in which she said those words to me. The old Inari who used to be so sweet returned to me even if it was for a fleeting second.

I wanted to say to Inari that she was looking well also, but I just could not do so knowing the truth behind her elopement.

Actually, to say that she was looking well was an understatement.

At nineteen, she was a tall and elegant beauty. Slate blue eyes that reflected the deepness of her intellect met my gaze. The sun brought out the sheen of her long and straight jet-black hair as if it was a precious black pearl. Her gentle face was powdered to accentuate the whiteness of her already alabaster-like skin. Her cheeks and lips were lightly rouged just enough to enhance the beauty that the gods had already given her. An exquisitely embroidered red kimono covered her shapely body.

I have not seen my sister for three years. I have forgotten how beautiful she was until now. Such a regal beauty, especially one born to a noble family, was fit to be the wife of a respectable man - not the mistress of some depraved politician who took joy in exploiting and betraying public trust.

What sickened me was the wealthy lifestyle that my sister now enjoyed came with a heavy price…a price that she, as well as the public, had been paying for all these years. What sickened me most was that I was not able to do anything to save her before, but I will change that….

As Inari welcomed me at the receiving area of the palatial house, she asked me, "How's Mother doing? Is she okay?"

Taking a deep sigh and remembering Mother's faltering sanity, I replied, "She's not doing as well as she used to before you left. She's slipping away but she's missing you, Inari. Why don't you come home with me, or at least visit us?"

In the middle of chuckling and shaking her head, she told me, "I already have a home, Oni-sama. Mother will be better off just being with you, and with me out of the house and her presence."

With such quiet intent, I deadpanned, "I know what happened to you years ago, Inari."

A smile lit up her face when she remarked, "Of course you knew what happened to me. I eloped, remember?"

Noticing the tinge of nervousness in her demeanor and tone, I waited until our eyes met before saying, "You don't have to pretend to me anymore. I now know _everything_ that happened to you."

Now unable to hold back the tears of sorrow and guilt, I gazed into her eyes. With each word becoming more difficult for me to utter without reacting, I told her, "When you were thirteen, Ishino wanted you. He was humiliated when you repeatedly said 'no' to his advances or his gifts to woo you. After you refused him many times, he had you abducted as you were walking home from school. He forced himself on you many times while his men watched, laughed, and howled. When that wasn't enough revenge for him, each of his men had their way with you."

"Please stop, Oni-sama. I don't want to remember anymore..." Inari begged before she looked away from me, hid her face, and wept...her voice filled with shame and regret.

Hearing her pleading voice made my body shake even more. As guilt took over my entire being, I mumbled, "That day was the first time that you didn't come home. You were gone for days, and that was the beginning. Ishino threatened to have his men kill Mother and me. He threatened to ruin our business. You did everything that he asked you to do all these years…even the elopement. I didn't know anything about this until recently."

Inari's slate blue eyes glistened in tears and her lips trembled. "H – How? How did you know?"

In the middle of fitful sobs, I continued while I bowed my head, "I'm your brother. I should've known about this when it first happened. Instead of asking you why you were gone for so many days, I scolded you. I was so stupid to think that you were running wild and destroying our family's reputation, instead of being coerced to do something you or I would never want. If I were a better brother to you, you would've trusted me to help you. Instead, you succumbed to his wants. I should've believed more in you, Inari. I'm so sorry for betraying you…."

As Inari's tears streamed down her cheeks, she hugged me and whispered in my ear, "You didn't do anything wrong, Oni-sama. I'm already ruined a long time ago. You, on the other hand, have a bright future and Mother needs you."

That embrace of hers said everything that she had in her mind...fear, loneliness, sorrow, guilt, and shame. Clutching her arms and looking into her eyes, I said with a tone filled with hope and desperation, "It's never too late! Come back home. You deserve so much better than this…."

"I don't want anything to happen to you or Mother."

After wiping some of the tears from her eyes, she touched my face. She then told me in the middle of stifled breaths and a forced smile, "Please don't worry about me anymore. Since I eloped with him, he had been kind towards me. It's not that bad…."

My eyes flashed in rage as they narrowed. My disappointment with Inari over the years had diminished and transformed into more animosity against Ishino. "I'll never forgive that bastard for what he did to you! He debased you! No amount of kindness will wash away the pain and humiliation that he put you through!"

Seeing her break down into tears once more prompted me to calm down. While I embraced her and stroked her back to console her, I saw my shadows flicker around us like flames waiting to devour anything and everything that approached it. I took deep breaths, concentrating so that my nerves would pacify and focusing all my remaining energies to reassure my poor sister.

It had been a long time since Inari and I had such a bonding moment together. I missed her so much. It pained me to see her so broken...

Once again, though, I know that no loving words or consoling hugs would restore my sister to the same wholesome person that she was before Ishino and his men raped her. My sister's honor, or our family pride, would never be restored...just as I could never heal the wounds that ail Mother's soul. While I thought about the atrocities that Ishino did against my family and other innocent people, I tightened my embrace around my sister as I mused, "Everything will be all right, Inari. If it means that I need to create a world without Ishino in it, I'll do it for you..."

* * *

The following day went by as quickly and as uneventful as it normally did. Business was good, school was interesting, and Mother was still slipping between coherent thought and fitful sobs. 

Speaking of Mother, I did not tell her what I found out from Mako-san about Inari's past. I also did not inform her that Inari confirmed the validity of Mako-san's disclosure.

I told Mako-san about the outcome of my visit to Ishino's house. I confided to him that I was determined to take Inari away from that life and away from that monster. The old man feared that the lecher would start sending his men to harass us. He let out a sigh of relief as we packed up our crates at day's end since no one bothered us.

Everything was going well until someone from behind me and Mako-san said, "_Tatsumi Seiichiro... _I haven't seen you in ages. You were about seven years old since I last saw you. You should be thinking about working for me instead of wallowing your intellect and talent over produce."

My eyes narrowed and my nerves grated. My mind ran a myriad of scenarios in killing the owner of that voice.

Nonetheless, two reasons held me back from acting out my fondest wish of pulverizing the lecher. My first reason was the fear that my shadows might appear in plain view and Mako-san's gaze of caution. My second reason was that I wanted to protect Mother, Inari, and Mako-san from retaliation brought about by the new arrival and his men.

After I placed down the crate that I was holding and took a deep breath to calm down, Mako-san and I turned around.

By the gods, I hated Ishino Toya. The hentai was standing before us with a serious demeanor while his goons stood behind him. At his late forties, he looked as distinguished and as fit as I remembered him many years ago. The only difference in him was his silver hair and some wrinkles, the combination of the two adding a patina of wisdom and experience to his outer appearance. Although handsome, his face partially reflected his shrewdness and cruelty.

Upon seeing Ishino, others would normally react with respect stemmed from fear or intimidation. I, on the other hand, had no respect for the man but I did not want to endanger Mako-san. Whatever I had in store for Ishino would have to wait and I would relish every second whenever that opportune moment came.

Mako-san and I gave a slight bow to acknowledge the new arrival's presence. Afterwards, my old business partner remarked, "Your visit's quite a surprise, Ishino-sama. To what do we owe this pleasure?"

"I want to speak with the young man," replied the politician. He waved his hand and coaxed me to walk with him.

I did not know what to do, nor was I prepared to confront Ishino. After giving Ishino a probing gaze to assess why he came to see me, I looked into Mako-san's eyes. I gave Mako-san an unsettled nod when he told me, "I'll take care of the rest, Tatsumi-kun. Go ahead and speak with Ishino-sama."

The politician snapped his fingers and looked at half of his men. His piercing gaze was the silent prompt for his men to help Mako-san load crates into our wagon. He graciously bowed towards Mako-san before we started our walk. The remaining half of his men walked a couple of feet behind us.

I felt more uncomfortable for each passing minute as we passed by other merchants whose critical stares followed me. From the corner of my eye, I saw people begin their incessant whispers and how Ishino was aware but not bothered by those around us.

Once we were away from the merchants' earshot, Ishino cleared his throat before inquiring, "I heard from the servants that you visited our home yesterday. You don't like me very much, do you?"

As hard as it was for me to do so, I replied without any hint of emotion in my voice, "I'd be lying, if I say that your statement wasn't true."

Ishino mustered a half-smile. "It's fair enough. If I were in your position, I'd also hate the person who eloped with my sister. Nonetheless, Tatsumi-kun, let us put the past behind us. I treated your sister well. She lived a good life with me. I didn't come here to argue with you. I came in peace. Inari would've wanted it that way."

A chill traveled down my spine as I gazed sideways. I did not like the deathly silence that followed his words.

Did I just see and feel sadness coming from the filthy lecher? Did I not conclude that such an arrogant bastard would be immune from exhibiting or feeling any emotion?

Feeling as uneasy as I did when I found out what Ishino did to my sister, my blood thickened as he stopped walking. I froze. Shock and disbelief coursed through my veins as I heard him say, "In spite of what you wish to believe, I loved Inari all these years. I loved her more than I ever loved my wife. I came to tell you that she killed herself last night. As the patriarch of her family, please help me plan for her funeral..."

**End of Chapter Four**

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**_Normal Disclaimer_**

_Yami No Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) and its characters are copyrighted properties of Matsushita Yoko. This fan fiction and the original characters (Mako-san, Inari, Ishino Toya) that appear within this fan fiction belong to PJ Zatken._


	5. And I Bid Thee Adieu

**YAMI NO MATSUEI – DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS**

**The Shadows of My Past**

**Chapter Five – And I Bid Thee Adieu

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**

_**To the Readers**_

_It has been a long time. I missed writing this story and I miss all your reviews letting me know how I am doing so far with this story._

_I hope that this long-awaited chapter will be enjoyed by all of you just as much as I enjoyed writing it._

_**Warmest regards,**_

_**PJ Zatken

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**_

_**Terminology (read more about the topics below from Wikipedia)**_

_**Jigai – **__the traditional method of ritual suicide done by women in Japan, the term literally meaning "self damage." In practice, it normally refers to ritual suicide of women by the cutting of the jugular vein with a kaiken (a six-inch knife) or a tanto (six to 12-inch knife). Before committing jigai, a woman would often tie her ankles together so her body would be found in a dignified pose in spite the convulsions of death. The act was often done to preserve one's honor if a military defeat was imminent, more specifically to prevent rape._

_**Thirteen Buddhas**__ – one of the traditional Japanese ways of honoring the deceased. Each "Buddha" represented a corresponding memorial service which fell on how many days or years had the deceased parted from this word. In this fanfic, the Buddha featured is __**Yakushi.

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**_

It had been a long 49 days – the day of _Yakushi_ or _Bhaisajyaguru_, the healing aspect of Lord Buddha and the seventh sequence of our family's memorial service in honor of my sister Inari. Forty-nine days had gone by since Inari passed on to the next life…or should I say _Michiko _which was the name that Mother and I have given her posthumously to conform to tradition. Her portrait was now beside Father's picture, the two of them sharing the small shrine inside our house as a reminder that they would always be in our hearts.

Yet as much as today signified healing for Inari's soul and those who grieve for her, there were times wherein healing could not be so easily obtained.

Mother became sadder still. She hardly had spoken a word since I told her that Inari had committed _jigai._ She knew that Inari felt guilty and ashamed over what happened many years ago. I spared her from the fact that Ishino Toya and a group of his men had taken Inari by force. I did not tell her that my sister eloped with him to spare us from his retaliation.

Speaking of Ishino Toya, he was not the same man who did so many twisted things against my sister and the citizens of our hometown. In fact, many had observed the marked changed in the man towards the better by the way he conducted his political affairs and treated the citizens. He visited Mother and me many times since Inari's death. At times, I would see her accompanying Mother at home after Mako-san and I arrive from a long day at the market. I saw the look of gratitude that Mother gave him from time to time for he made sure that Inari received a proper funeral.

There would also be times that the politician would visit our stall, asking me how I was coping from this latest tragedy that beset my family. He offered me a position within his office, telling me that he would need someone in his employ possessing the skills and values that I have.

I politely said "no" to his offer many times, leaving Ishino nodding and respecting my decision. The refusal, however, did not dissuade him from extending the same professional offer.

I did not know how Ishino really felt inside when I declined his offer. However, I really did not care about what he had to say or do to make me change my mind. I kept my civility towards him in memory of my sister and to keep Mother safe. I was also grateful towards him for financially ensuring that Inari's funeral and memorial services were celebrated in a manner befitting her noble heritage.

Ishino's gestures and actions since Inari died, whether it be contrived or authentic, was a vindication for my sister. They were the man's way of showing to the world that he cherished and considered Inari to be his wife. They were also might be his way of seeking penance for splitting our small and humble family apart. Since he had done such actions, the distasteful gossip against my sister and family went down to a minimum.

As thankful as I am towards Ishino, in my eyes he was still the bastard who destroyed my sister.

But today, the 49th day that Inari had departed from this world, I did not feel self-assured or cocky. The sadness and longing that I have for my sister finally settled in the core of my being. This was the first time that I thought about her during my waking hours. Almost every night, my thoughts drifted towards Inari. In my mind as I lay in my bed, I have asked for her forgiveness. I asked forgiveness for judging her too quickly and too harshly. I asked forgiveness for not fighting or defending her honor when she needed me most.

I paused in what I was doing at the market, offering a silent prayer to the gods and mentally talking to my sister to ask for her forgiveness.

And then my thoughts drifted towards Mother.

I prayed to the gods once more to give Mother the peace of mind and spiritual strength to deal with Inari's passing. I saw her ebbing away slowly but surely from me. I did not know what to do to console her. I did not know how to convince her that life would be better although I could not answer as to how that would happen.

I could not really blame Mother. How could I give her hope to see beyond this tragedy? How could I give her hope if I only had a sliver of hope left within me, and that hope was not even enough to draw strength for one person to move on let alone for two?

Day after day, I leave for the university and kiss Mother goodbye as she quietly sat before the family shrine.

By the time that dusk came and Mako-san and I arrive home, there was Mother before the family shrine…the look of despondence and defeat evident in those deep blue eyes of hers. At times she would sob and hold on to me as if her life depended on it. On other occasions, she would do her best to serve supper and be a gracious host to Mako-san…only to end up either clammed up or sobbing incoherently.

Night after night, I hear Mother's whimpers and gasps after her fears and doubts warp the contents of her mind and created nightmares triggering her despair and guilt. Night after night, I rise from my bed and go to her room. I slide the door to her room open to see her in a wild yet dazed state. Sitting beside her and rubbing her back, the only response to my questions as to whether she was all right were stifled sobs followed by her body trembling as she did her best to hold on.

The circumstances in my life eventually took a toll on me. My grades began to slip from excellent to barely passing. I was becoming absent-minded, my body and mind begging for either sleep or rest. My stamina dwindled slowly but surely, with Mako-san at times teasing me to lighten up the day's mood.

Mako-san graciously offered to handle our partnership until my health and studies were back in check. He also pointed out that the vacation was another time to take care of affairs at home, his repeated advice first given two weeks after Inari's funeral.

Much to the old man's surprise, I politely refused his offer.

The man looked at me but nonetheless gave me a nod acknowledging that he accepted the refusal with no hard feelings. I knew from the look in his eyes that he was wondering why I refused the vacation so that I could focus more on Mother and school. For now, he accepted my silence because he could tell that I did not even know the answer.

The day went by uneventfully with sales being as lucrative as it always were, and our fellow merchants and regular patrons greeting me and conveying their prayers for Inari.

The wagon ride that Mako-san and I took home was quiet.

From time to time, the shadows curled around my leg and tugged it to catch my attention. They have been more active since Inari's death. I willed them to go away, hoping that Mako-san did not see them.

Tonight the shadows were more willful and disobedient, not in a malicious way. Nonetheless, their antics tonight were unwelcome. Eventually, the shadows listened to my mental plea and they left me be.

This time, I saw them curl around the horse that pulled the wagon Mako-san and I rode on…prodding the horse to go faster.

Once the animal responded as the shadows wished, they returned to the darkness they came from. They made sure that the horse kept its fast pace while ensuring that our safety was not compromised.

When I became angry for not understanding why they were being such an exceptional nuisance tonight, the shadows curled on my leg as if they were conveying their apologies and begging my patience. It was as if they were begging me to trust them and to let things be.

I felt guilty and rotten. Mako-san was a father to me and a good friend. Together, the shadows were the long-lost twin that had been with me throughout my life…the one who understood the pains that I had in my heart when I could not find the words to express my feelings.

Yet, in spite of everything that Mako-san and the shadows have done for me, I could not tell the dear old man the truth about my dark half. I also could not give them the respect and acknowledgement that they richly deserved by telling the old man that they have been a part of me…a part of my life…that they were part of who I am.

I stopped the wagon once we reached home faster than we would have expected. I gave Mako-san a weary nod when he gestured for me to go ahead inside the house and greet Mother.

When I took off my footwear and placed it in their designated spot, my eyes went wide with what I saw. I yelled Mako-san's name along with a nearly-incoherent yell for his help, running towards Mother as I called out for the old man.

Mother was still before the family shrine, her body lying in a pool of blood. She convulsed, her body fighting the bind around her ankles. Blood oozed from the deep wound on the side of her neck, her white kimono now bloody red. A knife gleamed beside her while her hand was only inches away from it.

Life momentarily glimmered in Mother's eyes as she saw me. Her bloody hand now lifted as if she was reaching out for me.

I propped Mother as if I were cradling her, doing my best to keep her in a comfortable position. I pressed my hand against the deep wound in hopes to stop the bleeding. I gazed into her now-lackluster blue eyes and asked as my voice shook, "Mother…. Why?"

"Live your life now, Seii. Forgive me... Cannot even do this right…" was Mother's choked whisper to me.

As the first teardrop streamed down my cheek, Mother lifted a quivering hand and touched my cheek. I closed my eyes once her cold hand rested on my skin. Memories of scenes and accompanying emotions flooded back in my mind and heart, filling my soul once more with the love and comfort that I felt every time that she touched me the way that she did now.

And it pained me to think for even a split second how much my life would drastically change once more starting tonight….

Mother poured out all the strength that she could give to tighten the grip on my hand and to maintain her touch on my cheek. Some things never change such as the love in her eyes and the care she communicated through her touch.

So much had built up inside me over the years. The indignation, oppression, frustration, injustice, hopelessness, desolation, and so many other unexplainable feelings that coursed and kept in a tight lid since I was seven now bubbled and spread throughout my entire being.

My body shook violently as I clutched Mother and embraced her tightly. I rocked to and fro as I held her as if part of me was wishing that this very action would turn back time or bring someone back to life. Whatever emotions I have kept within me throughout these years now filled me…numbed me…suffocated me…wanted to truly come out and finally have a voice….

I want Father back. I want Inari back.

And I want Mother to stay…to not leave me…to have the peace that she richly deserved so that she could grow old and happy with the man that she loved with all her heart and soul…

As I held Mother in my arms, I prayed to the gods in my mind, "_When would you understand that we valued each other far more than wealth? You took Father away from us too soon. Inari threw her life away and embraced a miserable existence so that Mother and I could live a peaceful life? Mother lived in desolation out of her reverence for all of you. I offered every thing that I am for all of you and this family every day."_

"_I refused the shadows' urge to control my fate because of __all of you__! We made our sacrifices and offered them to __all of you__ so that you would protect us and hear our prayers!"_

After a while, I stopped moving. My already-numbed mind and overburdened heart felt that small pinch of painful reality bring me to where I was. The silence sank to the core of my being, emptying my heavily-burdened soul but still producing the same despondent result.

I loosened my embrace and gazed down at Mother. The more that I looked at her, the heavier my heart felt. Part of the tears that I held back for many years when Father died came out as silent teardrops when Mother and I bade goodbye to Inari.

For the first time in many years, Mother looked at peace. For many years, I prayed for the gods to give Mother a sense of peace for even just one night. She was now finally at peace, but I never wished for something like this to happen.

Not this way…. _Definitely _not this way….

While I looked down at Mother and swept away the unruly strands of dark hair from her beautiful face, I continued praying, _"Why__ did__ you not take pity on her? She prayed to all of you every moment! She __believed__ in all of you! Do you not see how much she suffered while she held on to her faith in all of you? Why do you gods continue to punish and play with us…with her? Why do you punish us in spite of all the sacrifices we have done for honor and for everything that you stand for?"_

"_How much more proof do you all need believe that the only thing we wanted was to be a family? When will you believe that we just wanted to live in peace and with honor? Was my prayer __too much__ to ask? Was this prayer __too much__ for you gods to handle?"_

All of those feelings bubbled and burst through a long, loud, and agonized yell that I let out. I bit my lower lip, wanting to give a more coherent voice to my feelings but I could not do so. As I saw her blood mix with my tears on her body and in my hands, my body shook as I sobbed and hugged Mother tightly once more.

During this entire time, it felt dark and desolate. My mind kept screaming as if Mother could hear me ask repeatedly, _"Why did you do this? Why did you give up?" _

I heard someone run inside the house followed by the sounds of objects dropping on the floor. Whatever was happening beyond the scene that I saw, beyond the very one I now held in my bloodied arms meant nothing to me.

"Tatsumi-san..." whispered the old man. I could feel him crouching behind me, his hand rubbing my back as I sobbed for the third time in my short life. Once I felt his touch, I instinctively held Mother more protectively as if I told him that I refused to let her go.

The old man honored my wishes and accompanied me throughout this time, with him still rubbing my back just as a father would do to comfort his child.

At times, I felt Mako-san's consoling hand behind my back clench my clothing. At times, his body quivered as he attempted to do exactly the same thing that I have been doing since I arrived home and saw Mother – to keep a sense of composure together.

Yet Mako-san and I failed miserably – all while Mother became a silent and detached witness to our shock and grief…all while the consoling shadows used the dark crevice between Mother and me as a way to wrap themselves around the inconspicuous arm that cradled her to make their presence known to me.

**End of Chapter Five

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**

_**Normal Disclaimer**_

_Yami No Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) and its characters are copyrighted properties of Matsushita Yoko. This fan fiction and the original characters (Mako-san, Tatsumi Inari, Ishino Toya) that appear within this fan fiction belong to PJ Zatken._


	6. Skeletons in the Closet

**YAMI NO MATSUEI – DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS**

**THE SHADOWS OF MY PAST**

**Chapter Six: Skeletons in the Closet

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**

Nineteen forty-one – the 15th year of the Showa Period. The world was in the brink of war and Japan displayed her military might for the entire world to see. Everyone worried about what consequences that the war would bring to the country, moreover how the war would change our lives.

But for now, on this lovely spring day, all those worries would be cast aside even for just a couple of hours.

That glorious day finally came – my graduation. It was a sea of happy and anticipating faces at the university grounds as proud family members doted on their respective graduating loved one before the commencement ceremony began. I finally would be receiving my degree, and there have been offers for me to work as an accountant from different employers.

Ishino Toya never stopped offering me a position as one of his aides. Mako-san and I have been thankful that he had been gracious enough whenever I declined Ishino's offer. I still blamed the man for my sister's suicide but he was now less of a bastard in my eyes.

I guess time did heal all wounds, but some wounds take more time than others. It had been barely four months since Mother died, close to two years since Inari's suicide, and close to 15 years now since Father passed away. In spite of the passage of time, I long for them. Slowly but surely, I was winning back small slivers of peace.

I could not help but drift into a daze from moment to moment, my mind's eye playing tricks on me as I vividly pictured my family doing the same for me.

A couple of feet away from where I stood were my family. Father waved at me and prodded me to get ready for the march. Beside him was Mother, appearing the way that she looked during better and happier times, leaning on Father's shoulder and smiling at me. There was my younger sister Inari, looking as beautiful and radiant as she did the last time that I saw her alive, giving me such a warm smile.

Seeing my family once more made me smile and then reality set in as the spot where they stood became what it truly was in a blink of an eye – empty space.

"Your sensei's looking for you, Tatsumi-kun," said Mako-san with all smiles as he came from behind. He insisted that we should take a day off for my graduation and celebrate after the ceremony.

The old man, after all, had been the only family that I have in this world. I do believe in wise sayings that blood is thicker than water. I also believe, however, that the word _family_ is not simply embodied in blood.

I smiled at my business partner and father figure, telling him, "I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you, Mako-san. If you didn't help me in so many ways…."

Mako-san patted me on the back, the smile in his face becoming much warmer. "It's also a big day for me. Don't forget that. You've been my son all this time…and so had your Father when he was still alive. I cannot replace them and wouldn't dare do so, but you're very dear to me."

Shortly thereafter, Mako-san's sentimental trip to memory lane was cut short as he heard someone holler my name. He then patted me once more on the back. "Time for you to go…. You have a march to lead and a speech to do, after all."

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The months quickly flew by. A couple of weeks after I graduated with an accounting degree, I was now working as a clerk for a church in my home town. I figured that out of the job offers presented to me, the church would be the best because such an organization would respond and adhere to the principles of a higher authority – _God._

I also steered away from Ishino Toya's influence as far as I could. There was an old adage that said, "Tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are." I find that saying as wise as true. Sure, the man now had a cleaner reputation which started after Inari's death but I had no sense of peace whenever he was around.

I only trusted two friends, and those were Mako-san and my shadows.

At night – after my prayers for Father, Mother, and Inari, I worked on controlling my shadows. At this point in my life, my fear of them had greatly diminished. So far, I could only perform simple tasks with them – one of them was to use them as camouflage, and another was to have them physically touch and manipulate corporeal objects.

And as it had always been, my shadows have been a deep, dark secret that I kept from everyone – including Mako-san.

As to my work in the market with Mako-san, I worked with him during my days off and passed by to help him with our customers and packing up for the trip home hours later. I also insisted that my father figure spend the evenings with me over a light supper, with me coming over to his house and doing the cooking.

My employer – a priest – did not necessarily have a good reputation. People talked about how purposefully disorganized his records were, or how he had gone through one clerk after another in a course of months.

Thinking back about how people's wagging tongues have done such a disservice against my family and our good name, I decided to take the offer and help out the priest as much as I could in terms of organizing his books…that maybe he too was simply a victim of nasty gossip…that maybe he was really living his role as a man of God.

I did not socialize that much with my peers, although I was civil towards all of them. They spent more time gossiping rather than doing their respective work.

As to my work, I had my work cut out for me. I organized the church's accounting records – invoices, contracts, and other financial documentation – to substantiate what was reflected on the monthly financial statements.

The longer and more in-depth that I delved into my work, I noticed many things hinting that maybe what the people were saying about this priest was true.

Three-fourths of the records were missing. As a remedy, I called the respective vendors noted on our records. I was able to retrieve some of those records for the church's files, but it turned out that at least half of the missing invoices noted on the expense reports were not legitimate.

Secondly, I also discovered that many of these missing records have two names involved – the priest and Ishino Toya. What bothered me most about this was that during my trace, I uncovered a large cash donation given by Ishino Toya to the church as well as a sizable cash gift to the priest days before Inari's death.

I really wondered how legitimate these findings of mine were since I never bumped into Ishino Toya since my employment at the church. To satiate my curiosity, I stayed longer one workday in my office. I stayed for as long as I could in the dark with my servant shadows covering me…making the priest believe that all his staff had left for the day as they normally would at this late hour.

My wait had finally paid off, and I heard Ishino Toya's voice as well as the priest. The priest was asking for more money as he blamed Ishino "The price for my silence had gone up…and time's running out on me. That boy will find out everything. He's already asking me questions about the missing records."

Ishino's nonchalant comment was, "Tatsumi-kun's just doing his job. You should be thankful of his presence here at your church. People are concentrating less on how dirty you are…how you could be easily bought…that a man of God happens to be more a man of the fresh. I wouldn't be surprised if people are giving you more donations since they have the impression that their funds go to a good cause."

"Laundering dirty money is one thing…covering up for a murder is another," quipped the priest. "Just imagine how the people would react if they find out that their now-favorite politician…a man of the people…was responsible for killing his mistress and made it look like the poor young woman committed _jigai._"

I could just picture Ishino's eyes narrowing in such anger as he yelled, "Don't you dare blackmail me, priest! You don't know who you're crossing! You even had a taste of her, at least twice. And who do you think they'll believe more - you, or me?"

I heard the priest chuckle, their voices continuing to echo inside the almost-empty church office. "I'm a reasonable man, Ishino-kun. Just give me what I want and I'll keep my mouth shut."

"You want money?" yelled Ishino. His strained voice then became more audible as he added, "No one blackmails me –_ no one!"_

I heard a struggle as well as the priest's choked gasps for air along with an object hitting against the metal file cabinets inside the priest's office where their meeting was taking place.

A couple more minutes later, I heard a body drop on the marbled floor with Ishino saying to the probably now-dead man, "Burn in Hell, priest. You've just taken my secrets to your grave."

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"You're home late. I took the liberty of cooking supper for us," said Mako-san in such a cheerful mood. "We did very well today."

Still feeling the surge of heavy emotions that I barely held back, I told the dear old man as I helped set the table, "I'm thinking about taking Ishino-san's job offer."

Mako-san blinked and stopped what he was doing. "I thought that you'd never work for the man."

"The church isn't offering me much opportunity for professional growth. I want something more challenging…something more interesting. Plus government jobs are more stable…more prestigious."

Although Mako-san still had that curious expression in his eyes, he told me, "Would working for the man make you happy? As long as there's a sense of reward and you love your work, why not? Maybe this will be a good move for you…to bury the past and move on to a better future."

Entertaining thoughts of retribution as I thought about my sister's death_…or murder…_and the events that followed afterwards, I told Mako-san as I sat down with him for our meal, "Oh, it'll be rewarding. I'll make sure of it…"

**End of Chapter Six

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**

_**Normal Disclaimer**_

_I do not own Yami no Matsuei and its lovable characters. However, I do own this fic and other original characters._


	7. A Time to Sow and a Time to Reap

**YAMI NO MATSUEI – DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS**

**THE SHADOWS OF MY PAST**

**Chapter Seven: A Time to Sow and a Time to Reap

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**

"Punctual and dedicated…. I like it."

I looked up and saw Ishino Toya standing in front of my desk, the man genially smiling at me. "Good morning."

"Three months have flown by and you're still showing the same promise as you've done on your first day. You're quick at your feet and can keep up with my pace – very good traits for a political aide."

After smiling back and then bowing slightly for a couple of seconds as a token of gratitude for his praises, I then told my new employer, "I'm glad to be of service, Ishino-san. Just let me know how I can be of help."

"Keep doing the good job that you've been doing for me, and we'll be fine, Tatsumi-kun. You have a bright future waiting for you. Who knows? You might have a good future as a politician after you've learned the ropes in this environment and how to survive it – that is if you wish to be one. So, are you ready to start our day and let me know what's going on for today?"

I nodded, pulled out the planner that I keep for him, followed him inside his posh office, and sat across from his desk. I then scanned his schedule for today and started the process by telling him, "You have a 10:00 a.m. meeting at the magistrate's office…a lunch meeting with the chief of police…a routine tour of the business district around 2:00 in the afternoon…a routine tour of the market district around 3:00…a 4:00 meeting with the fiscal treasurer to discuss about next year's budget…and dinner with your peers from the political party."

Ishino was quiet in his thoughts for a couple of minutes, and then asked, "Have you secured the reservations for tonight's dinner engagement?"

"It's already been done," was my reply. I gazed at him, a silent inquiry if he had anything in mind to add to his calendar or delegate other matters to the appropriate staff.

"Please take my place for the routine tour at the market district, Tatsumi-kun. After that, I'd like you to meet me at the fiscal treasurer's office and sit in with me for the meeting. I want to hear your thoughts on how to streamline certain items on the current budget and brainstorm about next year's budget. Then if you don't have any plans for tonight, join me for dinner and meet the other elected officials and their aides…that is if Mako-san wouldn't mind dining alone for tonight…."

I told Ishino as tonight's invitation had been extended to me, "I'll put the first two engagements in my calendar and work accordingly around them. However, I regret that I couldn't join you for tonight. It's Mako-san's birthday. I promised to cook dinner tonight at home to celebrate with him. It's been a tradition between us to spend time together for birthdays and holidays for as long as I could remember…starting from the time that Father was still alive. I'm humbled and honored with the invitation, but I regret that I must turn it down."

For a couple of seconds, Ishino gauged to see if I was simply avoiding being with him after work hours or if I was telling him the truth…not that I care or fear about what the man thought. His face was calm throughout the entire conversation, yet it took a while until he really accepted my explanation as fact. I could tell from his eyes when his probing gaze relaxed…a soft smile and a subtle sigh being the signs of his lament that I turned down his invitation.

Finally, Ishino then told me, "Mako-san's fortunate that you're a good son. I keep forgetting that he's been your father since your real father passed away. I don't want you to break the old man's heart or your principles by having you break your word of honor. The party tonight's important, but not that important. So instead of tonight, would you be able to join me for another dinner appointment two weeks from now with the same group? I'll introduce you to them once you join me."

"Yes, yes of course. Thank you, Ishino-kun," was my reply, apology and relief laced in my voice.

"All right, Tatsumi-kun. We have much to do today, so let us get to work," said a calm Ishino with energy. "I'll read the speaking points that you've prepared for today's meetings. If I don't come back and see you before I leave, that means that they're fine the way they are."

"And after you talked to everyone at the market and gathered their concerns, feel free to help Mako-san with your stall. Just don't be late for our meeting at the fiscal office."

"Thank you, Ishino-kun. Of course I won't be late."

I then rose from my seat, taking the schedule and notes with me. After giving my employer a genial bow, I excused myself, closed the door to give him privacy, and went about with my work once I returned to my desk.

As usual, time flew by so quickly for me. By the time that I got the chance to look at the clock, it was already two-thirty in the afternoon…no wonder that I was getting hungry after I thought that I just ate my packed lunch at my desk a little while ago.

I prepared what I needed to bring for the meeting at the fiscal office later on, and then left shortly after I tidied everything that was on my desk.

Life had been different since I worked for Ishino. As his aide, people mostly have varied demeanors whenever they spoke to me.

Others who were not kind towards my family suddenly became accommodating and thoughtful, but of course I knew better that their tongues continued to wag as they weaved gossip.

The smaller group of others who have been kind towards my family and were oblivious as to how corrupt Ishino truly was now saw a brighter glimmer of hope as they now know someone "with connections."

There was also a group of people who have been friendly towards me and had an idea as to what type of person Ishino was now eyed me with suspicion – keeping a modicum of civility towards me yet maintaining their distance. They probably thought that anyone who worked for a corrupt man – no matter how principle-oriented that person might be – also reeked of corruption.

What warmed my heart were the others who were happy for me…those who wished me well all these years. Their numbers were few but they were hard-working, good-hearted people. They saw me as a person and not as a means to an end…or someone who could "make things happen" for them. Whenever I see them at the marketplace during these random visits, they treated me as if nothing had changed…that I was still the same Tatsumi Seiichiro that grew up before their eyes.

Yet out of all the changes that had happened in my life, the only person that became a stable and trusted loved one was Mako-san…and as usual, he was busy working at the market. It made me feel good returning every now and then to my professional origins, seeing the activity and the rewards reaped out of a good day's work.

I have changed…that I know. I knew the main reason as to why I went to work for Ishino, and that was to avenge Inari and Mother's deaths by destroying the man and all who participated in covering up the truth.

I tread in dangerous waters, and that I know as well. Any wrong move could cost me my professional career and even my life, for some politicians could be vindictive and deadly…Ishino definitely being one of them. He could send lies that would affect not only my business with Mako-san but also jeopardize my employability if matters go sour between us. He could also order my execution and bury any evidence once he thought that I become more of a liability rather than a tool for him and his agenda.

There was one thing that I learned about me when I took on this job with Ishino's office. I did not realize how adaptable I was in an environment where your ally today could be your enemy the next minute, and be your best friend the minute afterwards…an environment that there was no sense of permanency or stability. That one fact about me made me question as to how steadfast my morality was and if I was becoming the man that Father had always wished me to be.

Or in order to destroy the monster who killed my sister and drove my despairing mother into suicide, was I slowly but surely turning into a soulless and immoral monster too?

Business acumen and good instincts have been by best tools throughout this time. Everyday, I have longed for the time where I could set matters right. Everyday, I aimed to do some good while I occupied the position that I currently have in Ishino's office – maybe it was my form of atonement for what I planned to do.

As to when that day of retribution might be, only the gods and Fate knew the details.

Yes, my conscience visited me every now and then as if it wanted to ensure that I would not turn back from my plan.

To me, there was no turning back. I would do everything that I could to render the judgment of Hell for those who wronged my family – even if it meant that I would be going to Hell along with them while I do so….

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_Timeline – 1948_

Time flew by quickly once more…the hours became days…the days became months…and the months became years.

It seemed like it was just yesterday that I started my position as Ishino's aide, but that beginning was actually seven years ago. It was 1948 – the 23rd year of the Showa Period. I was already 29 and I have learned so much from my job and life in general.

The country was still rising from the ashes of World War II, the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki still fresh within the minds of everyone.

Mako-san, thank the gods, was still in good health. He knew how to take care of his body, so the only evidence that had been there of the passage of time was his salt-and-pepper hair now having more grays. Nothing had changed in his routine. He worked at the market during the days and ate supper with me at night.

I, on the other hand, had mostly moved in with him. I loved the dear old man. I worked on the fields with him during the weekends and hired help to take care of the fields during the day. Before dawn, he and I worked together harvesting vegetables to sell. After work, I go straight to the market and help him pack and clean up.

And as usual, I cooked for us at night.

As much as I still think that Ishino was a bastard, I was thankful that he allowed me to adopt a more flexible schedule to help Mako-san more. For whatever reason he had for the leniency – whether it was out of empathy for a son who wanted to take care of his father or out of rewarding someone who had been a tool for his office – I appreciated and took that privilege whenever necessary.

However, Ishino was not as kind to his constituents as he had been with me and Mako-san. Although his name and reputation had been purged clean through the passage of time, he had never been dirtier as he had been now. He tampered with public funds, framed many of his cronies to take the fall on his behalf – with the hapless fools not being able to set the facts right because they were as corrupt as he was, and sent to jail many innocent and hard-working people because they did not agree with his actions or his views.

Kidnapping and murder were still Ishino's tools, with some people disappearing for days…even weeks on end…only to show up maimed, insane, or dead.

As to young women, Ishino's men take them for their pleasure or for Ishino's pleasure. If the young woman was fortunate enough to receive this sick form of mercy from them, that young woman was returned to her family by dumping her at the street closest to her home…left there wounded and humiliated so that she could walk back home defiled.

Some of these women have committed jigai because they could not handle the shame of being raped. Some have been thrown out of their homes because they could no longer bring honor to the family by being able to find a husband that would take them. Some have cursed the gods for their misfortune and used their resentment to make a living through prostitution. Some were driven insane and fearful. Some have been fortunate to have their family's support while they heal from the shame and gather the shattered pieces of themselves…never to become whole ever again.

One thing I knew was certain – life would never be the same for those who have been victimized. Every time that a woman disappeared, I could not help but have these sick knots in my stomach. I kept thinking about Inari…about Mother.

For the length of time that I served Ishino, I could tell whenever he was involved in a disappearance or a murder. The lecher's eye roamed more often as he looked for his next conquest. There was a certain element of cockiness in his movements and steps, as if he had been invigorated through some mystical waters.

As a trusted aide, I was privy to a lot of information. I survived this long due to good instinct, sharp judgment, and convincingly playing the oblivious and loyal aide. Through the passage of time, Ishino's watchful eye and suspicious thoughts had relaxed whenever it came to me. Although the trust had settled in after my second year of employment with him, he still guarded some of his secrets.

I went home, following my daily routine. Mako-san and I rode our wagon, with me controlling the horse. We chatted about how our respective days had gone by and any other topics of conversation that we wished to talk about at random.

Passing by the house of a family that Mako-san and I have known all these years as neighbors and customers at the market, both of us fell quiet as we remembered the recent tragedy that had happened to them. The patriarch of the household had been found dead a couple of days ago. The wife was now left behind to care for three young girls – the eldest was eight years old, the middle child was six, and the youngest child was four months old.

Although the local police have been trying to find a suspect, I knew that the authority's declaration of working diligently to find the murderer was a big lie. They did not listen to witness accounts that the now-deceased man had an altercation with one of Ishino's bodyguards days before the man disappeared. A fight broke out between the two as the man defended his wife's honor, with Ishino's bodyguard vowing for revenge after being humiliated at the marketplace.

A heavy burden weighed my heart as I coaxed the horse to pick up the pace back to normal, with Mako-san telling me, "This whole affair leaves a bad taste in one's mouth."

"I know. I can't help but think of the poor woman and her children. I wish that I could've done something…anything…to have prevented it. Everyone's saying that there's no one to pin the crime to, but we all know better."

Mako-san glanced at me and said, "You have _nothing_ to do with any of your employer's and his cronies' unscrupulous affairs. I just wish that justice would come in swift wings once more and set things right…just as it had been doing of late."

What Mako-san had been referring to was the fact that most of these evildoers would be found dead as well…this fact being true now for the past five years. At first, the deaths seemed to be either accidental or natural. A couple of years ago, the scenes where Ishino's men and cronies have been found in were disturbing…gory…brutal – just as their crimes against innocent people have been.

Supper was pleasant as always, the old man telling me stories about what happened at market today and bringing back those nostalgic feelings when I spent most of my days with him after school. Upon my insistence years ago, he now called me by my nickname – Seii.

When the topic of someone's upcoming marriage emerged in our conversations, Mako-san then asked, "So, my boy…you've been meeting many people in your line of work. Did anyone catch your fancy yet?"

My gaze rested on my father figure and then I chuckled. "No… No one yet…."

Shaking his head and giving me a wry grin, Mako-san pried so lightheartedly, "So when are you going to settle down? I do want to see some grandchildren. I'm getting too old for my own good."

Ai…here we go again…

I could not help but take these conversations lightly – an opportunity to tease the dear old man. "Only goats and cows get old, Mako-san…. Remember that you've been telling me that since I was a kid. You're _not_ old."

"Uh-huh… Being oblivious _doesn't_ suit you, Seii-kun. I'm not getting any younger and neither are you."

Letting out a sigh and then chuckling a bit once more, I then told Mako-san, "I promise that once I find a proper mate, you'll be the first one to know."

"I've been holding my breath for a long time, my boy. Don't make me hold my breath for too long."

After the two of us shared meaningful glances and laughed some more, now moving on to other topics, the old man and I cleared the table and picked vegetables outside our garden – with Mako-san holding a torch while I did the picking.

Once our task was done, I coaxed Mako-san to prepare for bed and get a good night's rest while I washed the dishes and pots, cleaned the kitchen, and tidied up the dining area.

I said goodnight to the old man, tucking him in bed and waiting for him to fall asleep.

When that happened, I went inside my room.

I called forth my servant shadows to take me to the void and transport me to where I was going tonight…my near-nightly ongoing date now spanning in its fifth year…my intended being different each spanning night.

Still cloaked in darkness, my shadows brought me to a warehouse where I heard much merriment from a group of drunks. By this time, I have mastered remaining invisible as long as the darkness was there to camouflage me.

My blood boiled as I listened in on their conversation. Vulgarity and bragging dominated the drunken men's merriment, my fists clenching as each minute passed.

Just _one_ word…_one_ word to confirm that the man among them was the killer of that poor man….

Just _one_ word to confirm that the ones around him…that all of them…were involved in recently making a woman a young widow with three children to take care on her own….

And I heard it all…

Those men laughed about how they dragged the man out from the street after beating him up, punching him some more, maiming him, making him scream in pain, forcing him to apologize.

And when those men – all nine of them – could not get an apology from the man, they maimed him some more and made him die a slow and painful death.

Before the laughter died down, I had my shadows strike blindly. They jutted out, destroying all the sources of light around them.

Once the entire warehouse was engulfed in darkness, I emerged from the void. With my blood boiling, I watched as my servant shadows brutally maimed the men.

As the maiming continued, I heard one of them – the one who had the altercation with the man he eventually killed – cried out that I was a demon.

One second later after that bloodcurdling scream, the shadows have dealt their final blow to all nine of them.

I stood in the middle of mutilated bodies and a pool of blood. My eyes, accustomed to the darkness, now scanned my work. All nine were dead, and justice had been served for the man.

Closing my eyes, I prayed silently, _"Please give him peace now that he has been avenged."_

My shadows now swirled around me, transporting me back to my room. As usual, there was no evidence left on the scene and not a single drop of blood on me or my persons since my shadows enclose me in a protective barrier on these missions.

Before, my nights were sleepless as my deeds haunted me…but as I said, that was before.

Seven years could surely change a man. I could attest to that fact, and so could the shadows. The passage of time made them and me comfortable with each other…any sense of fear that I had about them now gone. I evolved so much and so quickly, and so did my shadows.

And every night, I could never forget how this all started – the fuel to the fire that had been simmering inside me for seven years and counting.

"_Soon, Ishino…. I'll be coming after you __very__ soon…" _were my nightly words. I could feel it in my bones that the time had finally come. Once retribution had been done and Ishino was dead, I could focus on more pleasant matters. Maybe find the right woman, settle down, have children.

Tonight – just like other nights for the past five years – I had those words echo in my head like a mantra as I changed into flimsier clothing to keep cool in this humid night.

As soon as I laid my body on the bed, I drifted to sleep…the shadows lapping around me and keeping me company while my dreams remained dark and bloody.

**End of Chapter Seven

* * *

**

_**Normal Disclaimer**_

_I do not own Yami no Matsuei and its lovable characters. However, I do own this fic and other original characters._


	8. A Date with the Devil

**YAMI NO MATSUEI – DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS**

**THE SHADOWS OF MY PAST**

**Chapter Eight: A Date with the Devil

* * *

**

I came in for work earlier than usual.

I profusely apologized to Mako-san since my change of schedule meant that he would have to awaken and prepare for market earlier than usual if he needed my help, which at this point in his life he did.

There were stacks of papers on my desk that I need to focus my undivided attention on for today – financial statements and expenditure reports. As I drank my morning cup of coffee, I crunched the numbers for a five-year analysis of expenditures and revenues for Ishino's area of constituency.

Taking a deep breath as the numbers did not tally, I calculated and recalculated the supporting documentation for the statements and reports provided for my review.

In this stage of my life and career, I knew where to look. Based on the numbers that I saw, I was able to search and make sense out of where the discrepancies would be. I was good in telling and reflecting the truth about the numbers in layman's terms. I also had been gifted in being able to make appropriate fiscal decisions to bring back the budget in balance.

Since I have been employed with Ishino, the errors were not material. As time went on, the discrepancies became more significant.

This time, the financial numbers did not make total sense for it said that our fee-based activities have been losing money. Secondly, there have been large outlays of funds – transactions that had never gone through my desk although I was solely responsible for making those decisions before it reached Ishino's eyes for signature.

The truth that was disclosed in the financial statements generated by the various departments and areas that Ishino spearheaded did not match with reality. I have done field visits on these fee-based sites and the constituent support was there in terms of facility and service usage as well as donations.

So where was all the money going?

As I dug deeper, the names that I saw that were associated with these questionable transactions were shady to say the least.

There was only one conclusion with what I have seen – Ishino was skimming money and bribing others at an amount that could no longer be discreetly covered. At the stage in where the corrupt activities now lay, it was just a matter of time that it would be uncovered by someone other than me.

And when that happens, Ishino would need a scapegoat.

There was nowhere to run and ask help from save for Mako-san. However, if I tell the old man about what I know there would be no guarantee that he would be safe after he took his share of this secret knowledge.

No, I have to solve this on my own. Mako-san did not need to be involved in this. Ishino did not need to know what I know, but I will be one step ahead of him.

A couple of hours later, Ishino came in the office. He then said in a calm and cheerful voice, "Tatsumi-kun, would you come inside my office please? Bring the schedule book with you."

"Yes," was my reply, acting as if nothing had ever happened – a skill that I have mastered so well since Father died so that Mother need not worry about me too much.

Ishino and I had gone through the rudiments of going through his schedule, delegating some of the matters that were in his calendar to me such as meetings and debriefing sessions, and inquiring about the development of projects that he had assigned to me and other staff.

After the routine matters were done, Ishino smiled. "Good! Everything seems to be fine."

Ishino then paused, giving me a genial look. "Tatsumi-kun, I have a favor to ask you. I need you to change some figures in the expenditure and revenue reports for certain periods. I've listed the important dates that you need to consider as well as the figures that you're supposed to put in."

The politician then presented three sheets of paper with his handwriting on them. Sure enough, the information he had on those sheets was exactly as what he had described to me.

During the silence between us, I examined the figures that were on those sheets of paper. I remembered the dates that had discrepancies during the past five years. The figures that were on the sheet would rectify the financial reports and on the surface, everything would seem transparent…but that would only work until someone would decide to conduct an audit which would mean matching the reports with third-party records such as invoices, receipts, and other documentation.

Sure enough, I was correct in my educated guess. Ishino surely wanted a scapegoat, and he had delegated me to be the sacrificial lamb. If an audit took place and it was discovered by the fiscal auditor that the records were falsified, all the blame and scrutiny would be placed on the person who edited those records.

I remembered that Ishino and the fiscal auditor were good friends. I also remembered that the auditor was one of those names involved in questionable transactions appearing in the expenditure and revenue reports.

With the information before me and the implications of these recent turn of events, I was left with two choices – do what Ishino had asked me to do, or refuse to get involved.

One way or another, I was a marked man.

"Do you have any questions, Tatsumi-kun?"

Still maintaining the relaxed demeanor that I have most displayed towards Ishino, I told him, "No. I'm just studying the information, Ishino-san."

"Very well…. Let me know when you're done. Please aim to finish those adjustments by the end of this week."

"Yes, Sir…." I then rose from my seat, gave him a genial bow, and exited out of his office in the manner that I normally did everyday which was to quietly close the door behind me.

I returned to work acting as if nothing had happened. I went about my day busy at work and attended the meetings that I was asked to attend in his stead.

My mind was working on overdrive as I did my best to strategize on how to handle my current dilemma.

-------------------------------------------

It was around three in the afternoon, and I still have not given time to have lunch.

One of my meetings was within the vicinity of the town marketplace. I decided to visit Mako-san at our stall and say "hi" to him, maybe grab a fruit to munch on while I chat with him.

My heart pounded from what I saw.

All that I found were decimated stalls; the most damaged being the one that Mako-san owned. The produce were scattered around and some of the women were nursing their respective husbands' wounds. I wildly looked around in search of the dear old man.

One of the women – someone who looked out for Mako-san with authentic concern – spotted me. Her eyes widened, the still-panicked woman ran towards me with a glimmer of hope in her eyes as she stammered, "They took Mako-san, Tatsumi-kun! We tried to stop them! They took him less than thirty minutes ago! I asked my son to run to the municipal hall and tell you what just happened here!"

Fear gripped me, the old man and his safety the only matters in my mind at this time. "Who…? Who are they, Yuka-san?"

"Ishino – Ishino-san's men! Please do something, Tatsumi-kun! They'll hurt him!"

After thanking Yuka-san, I ran as fast as I could back to the municipal hall where Ishino was scheduled to be.

Throughout the breath-taking run, I never prayed as hard as I did before for a long time. I diverted my anger towards repeatedly praying to the gods for Mako-san's safety. My heart pounded from the sprint and the worry.

My mind's eye kept panning back from the beginning of my relationship with Mako-san – our relationship as father and son. I have lost everything in my life now, and he was the only family that I had. He shared everything with me – my lowest valleys and my highest peaks.

I remembered my childhood – the time when Father was still alive.

Mako-san had been a part of my family as long as I could remember. He had been Father's father. When Father died, he gave me the same gift that he had given Father. He was a mentor, a friend, a father, a brother, an advisor, a business partner, and much more.

And now, Mako-san was Ishino's hostage.

I ran as fast as my legs could take me. I whizzed past the cars, carriages, bicycles, and any other obstacles on the road. I got yelled and cursed at for being a "reckless fool" and other names that had been thrown at me.

At times, the cursing became more pronounced as I almost had been hit a couple of times.

Still, I ran towards the municipal hall. My sprint became faster as I entered the building's main entrance. I nearly bumped into people – all of them wondering as to why Ishino's chief-of-staff ran through the maze of hallways just as a madman would.

I had one goal in mind and a bastard to find.

Sure enough, Ishino had just finished meeting with one of the administrative officers. I slowed down my pace to a brisk walk and then approached Ishino.

"Ah, Tatsumi-kun…. Let us talk."

I nodded – the only thing that I could do to catch my breath and not to cause a scene. I followed Ishino's lead, our stroll leading to the small garden situated inside the heart of the municipal hall. I sat down on one of the wooden benches, following his lead.

"Are you all right, Tatsumi-kun?" asked Ishino in a calm voice, the bastard knowing how to act so innocent.

Well two could play that game. I had to, especially since the old man's life now hung on the balance.

Without giving him the hint that I was placing the blame on him, I told Ishino, "Mako-san had been taken, Ishino-san. The market vendors said that your men took him. Please help me."

"You know _exactly_ what to do to help your precious father figure, Tatsumi-kun."

When I looked at Ishino, he added, "Let us cut the charades, young man. I know that you're too holier-than-thou to help me with what I asked you to do. So yes, my men have Mako-san. I figured that you need incentive other than career advancement to do your job for me."

My eyes then narrowed as I told the bastard through clenched teeth, "Your men hurt Mako-san. You'll all pay."

Ishino let out a snorted chuckle. "You're in no position to make threats. You're so naïve. I'd never be able to make a living if I just accepted my salary as a politician. You should know and understand that one should make adjustments."

Unfazed, I told Ishino only loud enough for us to hear, "I could understand skimming for a little bit. But you siphoned the municipal treasury to support your debauched ways. Worse, you have killed and ruined many lives for your greed. Now, you wish to use me as a scapegoat and you involve Mako-san in this. Everything that you've done is unforgivable!"

"Come with me right now if you want to see the old man live another day. You will work on what I asked you to work on right then and there. You will not leave until you finish your work. After that, you and the old man may leave. You will keep this as a secret that you will take to your grave if you want the two of you to stay alive."

While giving Ishino the death glare, I said, "Take me to him. I refuse to do anything for you until I see him alive and well."

A twisted smirk escaped Ishino's lips. "I know that you're a reasonable man, Tatsumi-kun. A car's waiting for us outside. Let us go, shall we?"

I followed Ishino's footsteps leading to the posh car waiting outside the municipal hall. I rode at the back with Ishino to my right and a bodyguard to my left. The bodyguard had his gun aimed and ready to shoot hard against my side.

The drive took close to an hour, our destination being at the outskirts of our town.

The car slowed down as we reached an abandoned warehouse, a set-up similar to the one I visited a couple of weeks ago when I killed those men who kidnapped, maimed, and killed one of our innocent townspeople.

As I stepped out of the car, the bodyguard pressed the butt of his gun harder against my side. It pressed hard against my ribs, the pain and the intrusion making me glare at him. "I'll stab you with that gun of yours if you press it against my side one more time."

The bodyguard backed off, now having the prudence to keep his distance form me yet looking at Ishino because he did not know what to do….

"He's cooperating, so leave him be. Just follow him from behind. One false move, and you know what to do," was Ishino's order as he led the way.

Two men who have been watching the entrance stood up and gave their bows before Ishino, immediately pushing the metal door open once they straightened up.

Upon entering, the same men closed the door behind us.

My eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness. I was not afraid to be in the dark, especially during the past five years. I was more afraid for Mako-san than for me, my mind thinking of ways to ensure our safety.

The dim lights were turned on….

My eyes widened and I rushed to be with the old man, only to be stopped by the same bodyguard who I forewarned earlier. I kicked him away so that I could run towards the one now bound in a chair. "Mako-san!"

I heard the click of the gun. My heart pounded, knowing that the gun was aimed right at me. I did not care about getting shot, I was a dead man anyway one way or another.

All who I cared about was the old man and I would do everything that I possibly can to save him – the first step being to get as close to the old man as possible.

I then heard the sound of the gun being clicked once more and placed back in its holster.

As I crouched and hugged the old man from behind, I saw Ishino wave his hand to order his men to put their weapons away.

"Seii-kun, I'm sorry…"

It hurt to hear Mako-san apologize to me, so I whispered to him, "I'm the one who's supposed to apologize. I didn't want you to get involved…to get hurt…"

Mako-san sighed.

From the darkness, I knew that the old man that I loved as much as I loved Father had a light smile on his face because it was reflected in his whispered voice when he told me, "I heard what you did, Son. I'm proud of you. You'll make your parents proud. You shouldn't be sorry for standing up for your principles. Nothing in this world is more valuable than good character and one's good name."

Ishino sneered and eyed us with such contempt. "Principles lead to nowhere. You stood up for your principles? Be prepared to die for them. Now do your work and I'll let you and the old man leave unharmed."

"Please let me talk to Mako-san first, even for just a couple of minutes," I asked Ishino, my voice soft.

The politician was silent for many minutes as he kept his angry stare transfixed at Mako-san and me.

Finally, Ishino told me, "Make it quick. I don't have all day."

I knelt closer to the man who I have considered as my father, whispering in his ear, "Mako-san, forgive me for what I'm about to do. Please trust me. Please tell me that no matter what happens…no matter what you see…that I'm still the same person you've known all these years. I'm not as innocent and righteous as you think I am."

Although bound, the old man bowed and kissed the top of my head. He rested his chin on my head. I could feel the trickle of his tears on my skin.

Mako-san then took in a deep breath and told me, "Please don't give in to his demands, Seii-kun. I'm an old man and you have a bright future ahead of you. Don't tarnish your soul and your good name by doing his dirty work."

Such guilt flooded inside me. It filled me and made me feel as if I was rotten to the core. I guess maybe I was rotten to the core, if such a trait was a quality that would give me an edge against Ishino and his men.

So my response to Mako-san was, "I won't, Mako-san, which is why I'm asking for your forgiveness and trust."

"You have it, Son. You'll always have it. Do what you have to do."

With those words, I tightly closed my eyes and offered my petition to the gods – the same gods that I have not prayed to for a very long time until today. I rose from my kneeling position and looked at Ishino.

"Let us get going, Tatsumi-kun. The quicker that you finish your work, the quicker you and the old man can leave."

My eyes narrowed at Ishino, my fists clenched. "I'm not doing your dirty work. Never have and never will."

Anger burned in Ishino's eyes. "I beg your pardon?!"

"You've betrayed the people with your greed and debauchery. You killed and hurt many people – the same ones who you've sworn to serve as a public servant. You defiled Inari, passed her as a whore for your men, made her your mistress, killed her, and made her death appear as something that had been done by her own hand. Mother died with her own hand because she couldn't get over Inari's death. And now you hurt Mako-san to coerce me to ruin my family's good name. You're despicable!"

I let all the hatred that I have for Ishino pour out so thickly through my gaze, my shadows beginning to lap at my feet and the surrounding perimeter. The adrenaline, my hatred, and my earnest desire to protect the old man coursed through my entire body.

My shadows swirled around my feet with such fervent ardor. They danced as I twirled my fingers, commanding them to get ready.

I heard Mako-san's gasp of surprise as the shadows began to rise by my command, my anger fueling their dark energies as I told my enemy, "It's time to pay for your crimes, Ishino Toya. The entire country will know just how dirty you are. You'll be begging for more than just my pardon once I'm through with you!"

The bastard smirked at me. "Do you think that you're going to get out here alive, Tatsumi Seiichiro? If you think that you'll survive after we're through, you're an idiot!"

My shadows danced around, lapping at my feet and legs. Ishino's eyes were now wide as he now\saw my shadows come out and take form from the darkness that they came from as I told him, "If the only person who would come out here alive would be Mako-san, then so be it!"

The now-panicked Ishino waved his hand and so did I. I wanted him dead, and so did he.

Rage and adrenaline stirred my blood. My shadows fed from those energies and emotions coming from me through the link we shared. I have waited a long time for this to happen. The showdown had just begun and the time for retribution was now.

The armed men who surrounded us simultaneously fired their guns.

At the same time, my shadows shot out in full force as swiftly as the bullets whizzed out from the enemy's guns.

**End of Chapter Eight

* * *

**

_**Normal Disclaimer**_

_I do not own Yami no Matsuei and its lovable characters. However, I do own this fic and other original characters._


	9. Twilight

**YAMI NO MATSUEI – DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS**

**THE SHADOWS OF MY PAST**

**Chapter Nine: Twilight

* * *

**

Strong gusts of wind swirled around me as more shadows shot out from the dark and met all the bullets whizzing towards me. The ground shook underneath everyone's feet. The floor cracked from my feet as additional shadows burrowed deep in the ground and sped towards my foes.

And then there were screams from the ones before me, a good amount of them killed as my servant shadows cut through them. Slowly but surely, their numbers dwindled.

I had Mako-san stay behind me, the old man protected by a shadow vacuum that I have hailed forth. He could touch anything and anyone, but nothing could harm him as long as I was standing, lucid, and in control. I felt his hands behind my back while I did my best to shield him from the gory sight before me.

So now Mako-san knew my other self – the very one that I kept hidden from him for years.

The more that I thought about my loved ones, the more relentless my attacks became. I lost my father from illness. I drove my sister away due to my self-righteous ways. I practically killed my mother because I severed the ties that bound our family together. I almost lost Mako-san because I waited for my right time to settle the score with Ishino.

Now, I was running the risk of losing Mako-san because of my true and darker half.

However, my worries did not matter to me at least for now. Mako-san's safety was my priority. I would not allow another loved one harmed. _Nothing_ and _no one_ would harm him – especially Ishino. I would rather die first before that would ever happen again.

The hail of gunfire did not stop as more men joined the fold in shooting Mako-san and me down, but to no avail. Their screams reverberated in the huge warehouse where the war between Ishino and me had erupted.

The coward, however, was not seen. He hid behind his men, his voice audible yet frantic as he repeatedly yelled at his men to kill me. His frustration and anger rose as his men kept failing.

Finally, the last batch of men was cut down. Their mutilated bodies fell on the ground and joined the many others who fell before them, their blood mixing into a thick pool of crimson that became such a familiar sight to me for more than five years as an avenger.

And there was Ishino. He stood alone. He was surrounded by the bodies of his fallen men.

My eyes narrowed more and the blood inside me pounded in my ears. My blood felt thicker than usual as the shadows sucked into that rage bottled up inside me.

I have waited for this moment for years.

I felt Mako-san's trembling hand on my shoulder. That hand of his relaxed once I rested my hand, his reciprocation was a momentary yet tighter grip on my hand.

I then walked away from Mako-san while I mentally ordered my shadows to protect him at all costs. Each step away from Mako-san and closer to Ishino sent me deeper into the darkness that always resided in the core of my being.

By the time that I was halfway there to Ishino, all that I could think of was retribution. My soul had been completely lost from that time on.

The coward's eyes were wide and his hands trembled as he held a gun, those eyes of his going wider as my shadows yanked the gun away from his hand.

However, a couple of shots came out from Ishino's gun before he lost his weapon to my shadows.

Next, the shadows wrapped around Ishino's body as if they were part of a dark vise under my command.

Ishino's screams echoed throughout the near-empty warehouse as the shadows wrapped and stretched Ishino's body. The sound of his bones breaking and cracking mixed along with the pitiful and blood-curdling sounds of his plea.

My body shook with such anger. I felt my strength slowly but surely ebb away – most probably because I expended much psychic energy from this battle. I kept telling my body, _"Just a little more and it'll soon be over. Just a little more…."_

"Let me go!! You're going to Hell for this!! Don't kill me!!" Ishino screamed as he flailed his arms, his panic only worsening as he remembered the shadows that kept him bound.

"Seii-kun…" said Mako-san just a few feet behind me, "Please stop."

Although Mako-san's voice sounded worried, I told him as sweat began to bead from my forehead and my body trembled more prominently, "Just a little longer, Mako-san. Everything will be fine after this. I promise."

But once I faced Ishino, I felt my countenance harden ten-fold. I stared down at my long-time nemesis. I felt liberated that the pretenses were now dropped. Gone was the dutiful and loyal chief-of-staff and what was left behind was the remaining member of my family who could set matters right for the repose of my oppressed loved ones' souls.

For the first time in many years, I let the hot tears flow from me. Those tears of mine mixed with the cold sweat beading on my skin. As I closed the distance between my enemy and me, my shadows tightened their choke-hold on his neck. "I've already been in Hell all this time, Ishino. Do you think I'd have any qualms in dragging you down with me?"

Another series of screams escaped Ishino's lips. I did not want the scoundrel to die…_not just yet._ I want to see and hear him agonize for everyone he had hurt – loved one or not….

Every broken bone…

Every stretched limb….

Every scream released…

Every frantic plea…

All of that poured into that vast pit sitting in the core of my being – the very same one which had been filled with sadness for all that was lost, and hatred for the one who directly and indirectly caused those losses.

Ishino _had_ to pay. It was as simple as that.

More hate stirred inside me.

The shadows responded accordingly, stretching out the time yet making Ishino's agony more strongly-felt.

Each scream that escaped from the bastard's lips seemed as if it was long-yearned music to my ears.

Soon, blood began to ooze from Ishino's nose and lips...the sight stirring my blood much more.

When that was not enough, the shadows did exactly what had been running inside my wildest and sickest reveries about the man…

The man let out another scream – this long one being a much more blood-curdling one than its predecessors.

As cold as my body felt by this time, I could feel a smirk of sick satisfaction escape from my lips as I saw the man's eyes bulge out from what my shadows showed him pull out from his body…all while that man's body convulsed before me.

While that still-beating heart of Ishino's was right in front of our faces to stare at, I thought, _"An eye for an eye…. A heart for a heart… A life for a life… A soul for a soul… I would never forgive you or anyone who dare hurt those I love… __Never__…"_

I then ordered my shadows to hand over Ishino's heart to me. This was the first time that my hands had been soiled by blood or dirt from my five-year secret life, yet this one was well-worth the trouble. The intoxicating feeling of revenge being served ran its sweet thickness through my veins. I willed all my strength to go to my hand.

Shortly before then, I crushed Ishino's heart before him. My entire being felt this surge, sending me into a temporary yet wonderful madness as I saw the man's eyes bulge much more severely out of horror.

It was now time...

Once that train of thought had ended, half of my shadows stretched Ishino's limbs and the other half cut off his limbs. The last stroke for retribution was when the shadows snapped his neck as if it was a twig…all with a wave of the bloody hand which earlier crushed his heart.

Then it was over…

My shadows let go of my enemy's maimed and lifeless body. That body of his landed in the pool of blood and the remnants of his heart fell on my feet.

In the very moment that I was released from my insanity and the adrenaline inside my body returned to normal, my body trembled from the cold. My legs gave in and I felt arms catch me from behind.

The world then became dark for me, my senses dulling and eventually succumbing to the darkness as I heard Mako-san pleading for me to hold on.

----------------------

The room was nearly dark, the moonlight creeping from the open window and a small candle by the nightstand being the only sources of illumination.

When I opened my eyes and saw a blurry yet familiar image, I smiled especially when I confirmed who that blurry image was when he whispered, "Seii-kun…."

My mind was hazy and my throat was dry as I mumbled, "Where am I?"

It took a while for the dear old man to tell me, "We're at home, my boy. It's all over now."

I tried to move, but there was no strength and plenty of pain. There was also no more blood. No more evidence of the grotesque crime that I committed in the name of retribution.

To my horror, I saw my shadows wrapping around my hands as if they were caressing me and tending for my needs…all of this happening before the old man.

"No, don't worry. The shadows and I watched over you," was the old man's explanation. I heard him let out a sigh of relief as I relaxed and was relieved of the fact that I did not have to hide my true self to him anymore...that he was not afraid of who and what I really was...

That he was not going to leave me because of who and what I really was...

The old man's voice was soothing to my ears, yet there was a hint of sadness in his voice. He told me in a voice that nearly cracked, "This is all that I could do, Seii-kun. I did everything that I could."

The tears that beaded at the corner of my eyes now escaped from me and flowed down my cold cheeks. The tears were not from the pain, or from the fact that the final bullets from Ishino's gun hit fatal parts of my body, or from the fact that the inevitable was staring down at my face.

I was sad because I made the old man cry…just as I made my mother cry. It broke my heart that I broke another loved one's heart.

"I don't think I can hold on, Mako-san. I'm sorry," I whispered back, doing my best to tighten the hold on the old man's hand. "I'm sorry. I didn't want to leave you alone."

Mako-san smiled gently and swept away the unruly strands of hair over my forehead and cheeks. I could tell from his voice that he was doing his best to hold back his tears…to make our poignant time together as comfortable for me as possible. "You're not leaving me alone. You've never left me alone. All these years, you've always been by my side. I'm proud of you. You've made them proud as well. Now they could rest in peace…thanks to you."

"Forgive me," was my whispered response, my lips trembling due to the cold and involuntary reflexes.

As Mako-san looked at me, I clarified to him although my strength slowly but surely ebbed away, "The gods… Father… Mother… Inari… You… Forgive me, please…."

"You _haven't_ done anything wrong, Son. It is _you_ who needs to forgive you. You're the only one who could give peace to you. As to everyone, most especially me, we all know how much you've given up for us. Instead of asking for forgiveness, be open to receive the love and gratitude that we have for you," said Mako-san with a warmer yet teary-eyed smile.

I remembered seeing that face of the old man's for as long as I could remember, especially on times wherein I was not in the best of health.

The long hours whiled away. Throughout that entire time, my senses dulled even more significantly.

Mako-san was by my bedside in a fashion that Father used to do whenever I was sick. Perhaps it was something that Father had acquired from him since Mako-san pretty much loved Father as a son. "We'll be reunited again, Seii-kun. You've always been a good son, and I love you. We all love you. We're just sorry that you had to suffer so much for us."

"No regrets," was my reply, a smile wanly escaping from my lips. "I'd do it all over again if given a choice. I love you, Mako-san… Thank you for everything…"

I heard the old man bite back a sob for a couple of seconds before he managed to say, "I love you, too, my Son. You've always been a good son. A son that any father would be proud of…."

My senses blurred more as it became harder to breathe. The only comfort that helped me was the old man's touch and affection. I guess it was true that no matter how old one would get, there would always be a remnant of childhood left within him.

Just as a child would not want to be left alone especially in the dark….

Just as a child would melt into a parent's touch especially during a frightful and inopportune time…

Just as a child would love to have his parent placate his fears…

Just as a child would not want to be left alone with shadows lurking out from the void – no matter how familiar, friendly, and obedient those shadows have been…

The old man gave me his final gift of generosity – my childhood. He gave me back the childhood that I have lost long ago due to the circumstances set before me. He allowed me to be the child that I have always been since my father died – the child that I have suppressed all these years.

I did not know if there was an afterlife. If there was not an afterlife, these moments would be a priceless end for one who had committed so much carnage. If there was such a thing as an afterlife, this memory would be one that would linger within my heart for eternity.

And I would never forget or regret that I lived and was about to die for those who I loved dearly.

Before I closed my eyes and my breath became shallower still, I felt the old man's lips plant a lingering kiss on my cold forehead with such fatherly affection. My ears faintly heard him hold back his sobs. My clammy skin felt his gentle and soothing touches.

All of Mako-san's gestures were a balm to my weary and empty soul.

For the first time in my life, I now let things be. I offered a petition to the gods - not for me but for the loved ones who left this earth before me and the one who I was about to leave behind.

I surrendered to the inevitable, comforted by the fact that these moments would not be spent alone for there was the old man and my shadows – two of my closest and trusted loved ones who kept me company all these years.

I then closed my eyes and succumbed to the darkness….

**End of Chapter Nine

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**

_**Normal Disclaimer**_

_I do not own Yami no Matsuei and its lovable characters. However, I do own this fic and Chief Satori and other original characters._


	10. Judgment Day

**YAMI NO MATSUEI - DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS**

**THE SHADOWS OF MY PAST**

**Chapter Ten – Judgment Day

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**

I arrived and waited in a large receiving area inside along with countless others. The air was filled with tension as each waited for his or her turn.

Now I know that there was such a thing as an afterlife. My feelings could not decipher on whether the revelation brought a sense of peace within me.

In order to distract my thoughts, I looked around my surrounding and saw the sea of faces waiting for their turn. I did not know who or what I was waiting for, and each minute of wait made me more restless.

There were a multitude of souls who stared at me with such scrutiny as I waited along with them. Just as they were, I was curious and somewhat afraid as to what would happen next.

There were no conversations or any other noise. It was so quiet that one could hear a pin drop on the floor. The silence was maddening. It was torture itself.

Later on, the cold and unnerving silence was broken when it was announced…

_"Tatsumi Seiichiro?"_ called out a tall man dressed in a black suit, looking so dignified yet downright intimidating at the same time.

I warily raised my hand, and a second man dressed in the same way joined the first one.

When the two well-dressed men approached and asked me to come with them, the many others who have been waiting for their turn and had been there before me glared at me with such hatred.

"Where am I? Where are we going?" I asked as I walked while flanked by the two men, my eyes scanning my cold-looking surroundings. I consider me as brave, but the anticipation and the overall ambiance of melancholy residing within these halls were enough to make a series of chills travel down my spine.

The man to my right replied, "This is EnmaCho – the heart of Enma-DaiOh-sama's kingdom. You are about to face him for judgment."

After making a series of turns through hollow hallways where the air was ice-cold, the two men and I eventually stood in front of two towering doors of mahogany, gold, silver, and marble.

I was at awe.

Whoever – or whatever – resided behind those ancient and heavy doors stirred a momentary sense of fright, wonder, and hesitation within me. I then looked at the two men who ushered me, searching for answers as to what would happen next via probing gazes.

I did not get a response.

Instead, the two men kept their unemotional demeanor as they bowed before the closed door, stepped back, and gave the towering doors enough room to open by themselves. They left me to face the darkness that greeted me as soon as the doors creaked open.

"Welcome, Tatsumi Seiichiro. I've been expecting you," said a rich voice that echoed throughout the chamber.

I remained transfixed in the spot where I now stood, my eyes moving and not trusting anything around me. Bitter cold breeze blew against my body and face, making me shiver as I took calculated steps in entering the dark void. I scanned my vast and rather intimidating surroundings of mahogany, alabaster, marble, crystal, bronze, silver, and gold.

Once I have gone inside the vast chambers, the heavy doors slammed shut.

Not knowing what would happen next and stopping once more, my eyes went wide for a moment before they narrowed. My heart maintained its elevated racing.

Seconds later, a ray of light illuminated a spot far from where I stood.

The torches located on both sides of the vast chamber lit on their own...providing a portentous ambience to all who dare enter.

"Come forward…."

No matter how inviting and benevolent-sounding the occupant's voice rang in my ears, I could not feel at ease for reasons unknown to me. I sensed something that was unfathomable, fickle, and dangerous yet so familiar about the owner of that voice.

Taking a hard swallow to ease the lump in my throat, I walked while my eyes beheld the majestic chamber that I was trapped in...

The closer I came to the dais at the chamber's very end, the more I became at awe. I have never scene such opulence in one location. The marble pillars and floors captured the cold yet wondrous beauty of the one who sat in the dais. The series of life-like alabaster and marble sculptures and life-sized woodcarvings of mythical battles and scenes from the annals of Meifu's history were so breathtakingly beautiful and poignant. The interior structures lined with glittering gems and precious metals tastefully highlighted the boundless wealth located here while complementing the polished mahogany throughout the chamber.

My footsteps, as light as they were, echoed throughout the empty halls. As I came closer to the end, I surmised that nothing inside the chamber could outdo the elegance of the mahogany podium that hid its mysterious occupant. As beautiful as everything was, the entire chamber had the feel of a courtroom and that I was about to witness a trial.

My trial….

"You have grown quite powerful even without training. I am impressed, and that does not easily happen."

As I now stood about twenty paces before the platform, I closed my eyes and did my best to retain as much composure as I could.

"Do you know why you are here, Tatsumi Seiichiro?" asked the owner of the rich voice sitting behind the ornate dais made of mahogany, gold, and marble.

"My fate is being decided on."

A quiet chuckle resonated and bounced against the gold-leafed walls. "Yes. I assume that my men told you where you actually are. For someone who is about to be judged, you seem too composed."

Without removing my gaze at the mahogany podium, I calmly and semi-apologetically told the one behind the dais, "I mean no disrespect, Lord Enma."

The Lord of Death told me, "Everything was well in your life until your last five years on Chijou. You were a good son, a good brother, an exemplary worker, and a loyal friend. You had no qualms in sacrificing your well-being for the sake of others."

I could sense from Lord Enma's word that there was a "but" laced in the tone of his voice, and I confirmed that when he continued….

"You've killed many yet I do understand your motivation on why you committed such crimes. You have such hatred in your heart. That self-sacrificing goodness inside you is counteracted with this sheer desire of yours to destroy anyone who angered you. Those reasons will weigh heavily for my deliberation. However, I do wish to ask you this question – do you have any regrets in those deeds you have made?"

Cold and dreadful silence filled Lord Enma's throne room before I replied, "I have no regrets."

A scoffing Enma suggested in an even tone, "Do you not think you should? Do you know that lack of remorse could weigh my deliberation against you, thus resulting in you being sent to Makai? I am sure that Makai's flogging masters would be more than happy to take you in, teach you the valuable lesson of submission, remorse, and pain."

"I don't feel any regret, Lord Enma. I have a duty to my family. If the fulfillment of that duty sends me to Hell then I accept your punishment. I have accepted that possible fate before I killed the first of those who hurt my loved ones."

I heard movement from behind the dais before Lord Enma asked, "Yet I sense your sadness. Why?"

Without hesitation, I replied, "I would most probably never see my loved ones again. However, I'll learn how to adapt."

After another long period of silence passed by, Lord Enma then said, "You're a rare gift in my realm, Tatsumi Seiichiro. You're a kagetsukai – a shadow master. Do you know that since creation had begun, there had only been two kagetsukai in Meifu's history?"

The word "shadow" sent a wave of various emotions that weighed down my heart, thus prompting me to say, "_Two?"_

The Lord of Death chuckled as if he could see my bewildered look from where he sat. "Yes, _two…_ You and your soon-to-be tutor… He has been in my service for eons and I am sure that you and he will get along really well."

I was speechless and I became more nervous as the long period of silence transpired between the two of us.

After I heard shifting from behind the dais, Lord Enma's voice boomed throughout the vast chamber. "Murder, especially multiple ones, is a grave and unforgivable sin. However, I do take into account that you have done such atrocious acts for your family. I also commend you for your honesty that you have no qualms in doing such acts. _This_ is your sentence, Tatsumi Seiichiro. You are deemed to stay here in Meifu for all eternity to atone for your sins."

Meifu… Purgatory…. So it really meant that I would never see Father, Mother, Inari, and eventually Mako-san ever again…

With a grim tone, the Lord of Death continued, "I do offer you something valuable…something to make up for the fact that you never really had a chance to live for your own pursuits I would like you to work for me in EnmaCho while you hone your shadow powers. My administrative office needs a good and organized staff member to help make things more efficient. In return, you may come and go to Chijou as much as you please in your spare time. Do you accept my proposal?"

Being caught off-guard with the proposal, I took in a deep breath before I managed to say, "I need to think about it, Lord Enma."

"Very well…. And what name do you wish for me to call you?" asked the Lord of Death as I heard a slithering sound against marble inside his raised dais, his appearance still invisible to me.

"Tatsumi…. Call me Tatsumi, Lord Enma."

Enma had a smirk escape from his lips as he asked Tatsumi with a tone lightly laced with a challenge, "People normally call me as Enma-DaiOh-sama to extend the proper respect due to me. So, you don't wish to address me as your lord?"

"Give the young man time to get used to his surroundings," said a new arrival that had been veiled by the shadows since my judgment proceedings had begun. "Given the incidents in his life, be thankful that he addressed you as Lord Enma."

"Will you have trouble training him in your ways?"

My heart clenched and my eyes widened as I heard the owner of that familiar voice add, "He already has the gifts and he has been using them. He also has the discipline."

"_It couldn't be… Impossible,"_ I thought as the owner of that familiar voice stepped away from the shadows, my eyes opening wider as the torches partially illuminated his face.

After a long period of silence between the three of us, Enma let out a light chuckle since he knew the exact cause of my shock. He told the new arrival, "You startled your protégé. Since I deem these proceedings as over, I suggest that you take the time and explain to him _exactly_ what had been going on. Kindly escort him throughout EnmaCho. I will leave it up to you on when you wish to begin training him…that is if Tatsumi will take my job proposal. But first, please introduce yourself to your new student."

The new arrival bowed graciously befor me as he said, "I'm Asukawa Mako, Meifu's resident kagetsukai and freelancer shinigami. I will be your teacher and guardian while you train under my tutelage. I used to be the only kagetsukai in Meifu. I'm glad that I now have company."

Although my head felt as if it had swollen three times its normal size, I bowed before Mako-san. As untrusting as I was with everyone and everything since I arrived in this surreal place, old habits were hard to die...one of them being my need to express and extend the proper respect to those who I deemed deserve it.

And Mako-san definitely was one of them...

"I'll take him to my home. He'll stay with me," said Mako-san to Lord Enma. Before he turned his back away from the dais, all that he did was place his hand over his heart without the customary bow that one should or must give to a deity.

Mako-san then turned to me and smiled in his usual fatherly way, kissing my forehead in the same manner as he did when I was in my deathbed. "I gave you a promise, didn't I? We're now reunited again, Seii-kun. Come… Let us go home…"

My eyes dumbly stared at the dear old man's hand as he extended it for me to take. He and I were now together again, just as if it was old times.

A new chapter of my existence now opened up before me...that chapter beginning at the moment my shaking hand took hold of Mako-san's hand...

**End of Chapter Ten**

**

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**

_**Normal Disclaimer**_

_I do not own Yami no Matsuei and its lovable characters. However, I do own this fic and Chief Satori and other original characters._


	11. A New Beginning

**YAMI NO MATSUEI - DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS**

**THE SHADOWS OF MY PAST**

**Chapter Eleven – A New Beginning

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**

_**Timeline - 1948**_

It was beautiful outside EnmaCho's grand building – a mirror-image of the National Diet Building in Chijou. Whenever I did errands for Ishino and I end up coming to the Diet Building, I could not help but stand outside and stare at the Diet Building in awe and respect.

And I did the same thing for a long while as I stood outside of Enma-Cho with Mako-san standing beside me. This very moment is the first time that I felt at-ease since I stepped foot in Meifu. I guess the majority of those feelings had something to do with being with someone you know in a strange place.

The rows of ever-blooming sakura trees greeted us outside. I have always liked spring and I normally felt at peace whenever I see flowers in bloom and trees in their most vibrant state. I just stared and eventually scanned my surroundings with child-like wonder.

Once my awe had been satisfied and I gazed at Mako-san, he asked me with a soft smile, "Ready to go home, Seii-kun?"

I nodded and I followed Mako-san. His appearance was now what I used to remember him when I was around seven years old – handsome, middle-aged, no grays among his thick head of hair, straight posture, nimble gait, and strength that I reminisced and admired him in having whenever we worked together in the fields.

Seeing Mako-san in this state brought back much nostalgia from my childhood, yet of course I had many fond memories with him until my final days…until my final minutes…

The thought made me wonder aloud as I glanced towards Mako-san, our stroll being a lackadaisical one as we walked at a road which had a lakeside view and an endless path of sakura trees, "Why are you here in Meifu, Mako-san? Aren't people supposed to be dead in order to be here?"

Mako-san returned that gaze and explained after letting out a sigh, "I've been dead since the Heian period, Seii-kun. As a shinigami, I'm allowed to return to the land of the living – or Chijou – and live among men…particularly if I have an assignment."

"And your assignment was me…our family?" was my next question, my tone laced with curiosity and there was no element of mistrust in my tone.

"I wasn't on assignment, Son. I was on a sabbatical from being a shinigami. The duration of my stay in Chijou made me mortal again, so I grew old. I wanted to live a normal human life. I also have loved ones, namely your family. So my life…my bonds with your family…my sense of duty, care, and responsibility for those who I love…. I stayed because I want to make sure that all of you would be all right before I return to Meifu."

Then Mako-san's smile became warmer still as he added, "I stayed most especially because of you, Seii-kun. You and I share the same gifts. If I can do something to help you understand your gifts fully, even if it means just being there for you, then I would be more than happy to do so."

"But why didn't you tell me that you knew about me? I felt like a contortionist all these years because I couldn't tell you about it." I asked as my gaze solely focused on Mako-san. It was painful to hide the truth about myself to him, and I just found out that he knew all along. That could have saved me much effort…and guilt.

"It _wasn't_ my business to pry into something so private. Once you told me about it, I knew that I have your explicit trust. When you told me about the truth, I took that as the sign that you were now ready to accept who you really are."

"But you didn't tell me that you knew about me. You didn't tell me that you're like me. Why?"

"Then why didn't you tell me about you? Have I given you any reason to hide the truth from me? Have I ever said anything that made you think that I will shun you or think ill of you if I found out that you are a kagetsukai such as me?"

I fell silent with the question that Mako-san gave me. He was right. He never showed me anything that would have me hesitate in telling him the unadulterated truth about me. In fact, everything that I have shared with him remained as a secret between us. He was a quiet, private, yet friendly man and the only person that he trusted with anything was Father, Mother, and me.

Since Father passed away and Mother's emotional and mental state were frail, the only person that Mako-san had to confide with was me.

So even I could not understand why I never told Mako-san about something so integral about me. I felt that I was engaged in one of our philosophical discussions during our wagon rides from the market, with him giving me anywhere from three to five days to ponder on my answer before I give it to him.

The old man then let out a soft yet lighthearted chuckle. I guess that he knew that I felt guilty about the entire situation. "Don't worry about it, Seii-kun. All's well between us. It always has been, and it will always be that way. What's important is that we now know about each other."

After giving the old man a sideways glance, I smiled at him – the smile was laced with happiness and gratitude that he understood me. At the same time, another question whetted my curiosity and so I asked, "So you were the shinigami who led my soul here in Meifu?"

"Yes," was Mako-san's reply, then he added, "I wanted you to live as long as possible. I would've loved to see you have a family…have children…grow old with the person you love…see your children grow up to be responsible adults…see and play with your grandchildren…leave a legacy behind before you die… Phases of life that I never experienced…"

I blinked. "So you never married? No children? No significant other?"

With a knowing smile, Mako-san replied, "I was too picky. That's why I always cautioned you not to follow my footsteps. Your Father, Mother, and you were my children. At least I have been blessed to get that chance even though the fates punished me for my over-scrutiny in finding a wife."

We exchanged chuckles, with me telling the old man, "I'm glad that you're here, Mako-san. So you'll be my teacher? What things do I still not know?"

"Control is one of them," said Mako-san as he patted my back. "It takes time and discipline. You, young man, have quite a temper but I'm glad that you've learned to quell it over the years. However, you still have a long way to go. As to power, you're gifted in that area. What you've done to Ishino and his men is nothing compared to what we kagetsukai are capable of doing."

"Lord Enma mentioned that there are only two of us in Meifu's entire history. Why are kagetsukai so rare?"

"Shadows are fickle creatures of the void. They only pay heed to light or a kagetsukai. Light dispels darkness and therefore shadows retreat. A kagetsukai uses the darkness as his best ally. A kagetsukai achieves mastery when he knows how to make shadows do his bidding and be able to manipulate darkness and shadow to drown the light."

I thought back from the first time that I dared manipulate my shadows – back when I lost Father. "It takes a lot of willpower to control the shadows."

"Not just willpower, Seii-kun, but spiritual or psychic energy. You have to learn not only to manipulate the shadows and the darkness, but you also have to learn to do such feats without expending all your psychic energy. Practice and discipline will be your best teachers. The same principles on how to control the shadows and master your craft are the same practices that one would do to control one's temper and emotions."

"I see," I murmured and then our walk stopped just a block away. The spot where we now stood marked the beginning of the residential area. It seemed to be a peaceful community, and the passersby were friendly.

"We live over there, Seii-kun. We're almost home."

Hearing the word _"home"_ brought a soft smile to my face.

In a strange place such as Meifu, it was nice to know that there was a safe place that I could call home and someone who I could trust such as Mako-san.

Mako-san and I finally arrived at the place that he called our home – a traditional Japanese house with flowers, shrubbery, and a quaint bamboo fountain that greeted us with their well-manicured landscaping, vibrant colors, and the soothing sound coming from the water fountain.

The old man opened the door and welcomed me inside as he explained, "Your room is at the far end of the hallway. It's bigger than your old room in Chijou, so you'll have lots of space for your items. I took the liberty of bringing some of your possessions here so that you wouldn't be too homesick."

I then blinked and my feet led me to the garden at the back – the area being much wider than the one at the front which was already wide for my standards. The smile on my face became warmer still. "It's just like my home and yours…vegetables and all."

Letting out a nostalgic sigh, Mako-san said, "I'll miss farming, so the gardens at the front and back of our home are the next best things that I could do."

Gazing at the old man with teary-eyed happiness and a gentle grin, I told him, "Thank you. You've been there for as long as I could remember. Throughout my life, you've been there for me. And now you're here guiding me in the afterlife as well – sharing everything that you have with me. How could I ever repay you?"

The gracious and dear old man smiled warmly, patting my arm with such fatherly affection just as he always did. "You've already repaid me ten-fold, most definitely even more. I had a hand in raising you, and you've been a good son and brother. That's a reward in itself. You and your family accepted me in your fold. It's just proper to do the same for all of you."

I returned that smile of the old man's, the happy tears brimming in my eyes as well. "I've been very fortunate because of you. I do hope that I never fail your expectations."

"I don't think you ever will, Seii-kun." Mako-san then changed the mode of our conversation by saying, "I don't know about you, but I'm famished. I have fresh fish that I cleaned this morning. It's cooling in the ice box. Why don't you pick some vegetables and we'll make some soup? While you're out there, I'll make us some rice."

"Sounds like a plan," I said with a pursed-lipped smile. I took the wicker basket that the old man handed to me for the gathered vegetables.

As I picked vegetables for our meal, I had a contented smile on my face which also sat deeply in the core of my being while I uttered my silent prayer to the gods, "Thank you for giving me another chance. Thank you for all your help, especially by sending a good friend to help me in my darkest hour. Please keep Father, Mother, and Inari safe. Please give them peace as well as my love."

---------------------------------------------------------------

The following morning, I returned to Enma-Cho with a box of sweet-cakes and a slip of paper in my hand which said:

_------------------------------_

_Konoe_

_Chief, Shokan Division_

_------------------------------_

"_Konoe could definitely use your help in organizing his Division. And tell him that these cakes are homemade, which they are,"_ I recalled Mako-san telling me as I wandered around and looked for the man and the place written on the paper.

After the weekend that Mako-san and I spent together, I made the decision to accept Lord Enma's offer. I was now an official employee of Enma-Cho. My role was similar to a consultant wherein I was not bound to one location or one superior. I was looking forward to continuing such a role similar to what I did when I was Ishino's chief-of-staff. I was able to use most if not all of my skills.

As to my assignment with Konoe, my short tenure was for two weeks…at least for now. I have been given notice that I would be also working with the Peace Preservation Bureau for a couple of weeks. In-between assignments, I would be working in Enma-Cho's administrative offices.

Mako-san spoke highly of this man named Konoe – the Shokan Division chief. I never heard the old man speak of anyone in such high regard. He did not even address Lord Enma in such a positive light.

Speaking of Lord Enma, I was just reminded that I have to ask Mako-san on why he did not seem thrilled whenever he was before the Lord of Death.

"Are you looking for someone, young man?"

"Ah, yes Sir… I'm supposed to report for my two-week assignment effective today," I said after bowing before the well-dressed man who asked the question. Judging by his appearance, he was just a few years older than Mako-san. I then showed him the piece of paper that was given to me.

"This is not yet the right place, but you've found the right man. I'm Konoe – Chief for the Shokan Division," said the man in a professionally genial tone as he led the way towards his Division.

Chief Konoe then escorted me to his office and then motioned me to sit down. There were many things that I have noticed since our encounter at the long hallways in Enma-Cho.

First was that Chief Konoe was unlike his other peers who would not give the time of day to help anyone, especially a stranger going through these maze of hallways.

Second, the man was warm and friendly. His demeanor surprised me since most people who reach such a high rank would normally keep distance from his staff or those he would perceive as lower-ranking personnel.

Third, the man did something that none of the employers that I had in my lifetime have done – he asked me to sit down and he sat on the chair directly across from me. What surprised me was that he could have taken his place behind his desk – a place of comfort and power – yet he chose to sit across from me.

And these actions were done by a man who still did not know who I really was. This man did not even know yet that I knew Mako-san – a good friend of his.

"I thank you for your help, Kacho. I'm Tatsumi Seiichiro from Enma-Cho's administrative staff. Today's my first day of work." I then noticed the nicely-wrapped box in my left hand and I told him as I handed the box, "Your old friend, Asukawa Mako, requested me to give this to you."

Chief Konoe's face lit up with a smile as he accepted the box and asked in wishful thinking, _"Sweet-cakes?"_

"Yes, Kacho…. And they're also homemade." I then handed him a linen envelope and informed him, "This is my curriculum vitae. I assume that you'd need to see it so that you would have a good assessment of my skills."

"Thank you, and thank Mako for me. This is such a rare treat. I haven't seen him in ages since he took that long sabbatical at Chijou – all against Enma-DaiOh-sama's wishes," said Chief Konoe, his tone and his face showing how grateful and happy he was over the small gift.

After the short period of silence, Chief Konoe asked me, "So are you a kagetsukai such as Mako? Are you his student?"

"Yes, I am," was my reply. "However, my relationship with Mako-san goes deeper than that. He had been a family friend before I was born. He took on the role as my father and mentor since my father's death. I was seven at the time. Apparently, he was also the shinigami assigned to retrieve my soul. I only arrived in Meifu just a couple of days ago."

"I see," murmured Chief Konoe. He then shifted and said, "Why don't we spend afternoon tea later on? By that time, I'd be done reviewing your curriculum vitae. Mako's a shrewd businessman, so I wouldn't be surprised if you have the same abilities as he does when it comes to fiscal matters. What I do like you to do is to help a particular employee of mine – a shinigami – organize his paperwork."

After I pushed my glasses closer to the bridge of my nose, I asked, "All right. Is he also new?"

The chief chuckled inwardly and shook his head momentarily. I knew that he was not angry at the employee that he had in mind, but his reaction was an indescribable mixture of disappointment, endearment, and resignation. "He's the second senior employee in this Division, with me being the most senior one. He's been here in the Division for 22 years and counting. He's my top shinigami, but he's impossible when it comes to organization and paperwork. He's behind on his expense reports, so would you kindly work with him for the next few days until he gets caught up?"

"Certainly…. I'll be more than happy to start now, if you wish."

Chief Konoe escorted me to the rows of desks within the Division, with me noticing that the typing and working slowed down considerably as all eyes were focused on me. Everyone must be wondering who I was and what I was doing there, but they all went back to work when they noticed Chief Konoe glanced behind him.

Once the chief and I finally reached the desk at the far corner of the office, the two of us noticed someone crouched on the floor. The one on the floor apparently was gathering his mountains of receipts and placing it inside a large box. Judging by the volume of receipts in that box, he must have not filed his expense reports for at least a year – most probably more than a year.

Chief Konoe loudly cleared his throat, trying to get the man's attention.

The man got startled, his head jerking and hitting the desk drawer he was under.

I involuntarily winced from how this man hit his head against the desk.

"Yes, Sir….."

"You haven't even organized those receipts yet?! I told you to get them ready last Friday!" Konoe was frowning. He was frustrated, all right. However, he sounded more like a disappointed father would rather than a bullying boss.

"I'm sorry..." said the man as he rubbed the area where he bumped his head. He then stood up and turned around to face Chief Konoe and me.

It was only nine-thirty in the morning yet this man's tie was already hanging a bit loose from his collar as if he needed room to breathe – something that I made a point in not doing until I was home and done for the day.

Yet there was something intriguing about this man…

The first thing that I noticed was the man's enigmatic and expressive amethyst eyes. Those soulful eyes were something that I have never seen in my entire lifetime. They expressed such warmth, sadness, mystery and so much more simply with just one glance. He had a good-natured smile escaping from his lips. He was tall, good-looking, and laid-back.

And Chief Konoe said that this man was his top shinigami? I wonder what made him so special.

"Good grief, get your act together will you?" chastised Chief Konoe before shaking his head to brush off the frustration building up in his system. "By the way, this is Tatsumi Seiichiro. He's from Enma-Cho's administrative pool and he'll help you get organized with your files and your expense reports. _Don't_ give him a hard time and _definitely _don't corrupt him with your slacker ways. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Kacho!" said the man with exuberance laced with respect for his superior.

The man then glanced at me, giving me such a warm smile. He then bowed before me and said, "Welcome to the Shokan Division. My name's Tsuzuki… _Tsuzuki Asato_… I'm pleased to meet you…."

**End of Chapter Eleven

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**

_**Normal Disclaimer**_

_Yami No Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) and its characters are copyrighted properties of Matsushita Yoko. This fan fiction and the original characters (Mako-san, Inari, Chief Satori) that appear within this fan fiction belong to PJ Zatken._


	12. The Mystery that is Tsuzuki Asato

**YAMI NO MATSUEI - DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS**

**THE SHADOWS OF MY PAST**

**Chapter Twelve – The Mystery That Is Tsuzuki Asato **

**------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

_**Timeline - 1948**_

It was so hard to take my eyes off this man. It was exceptionally hard not to be mesmerized from those amethyst eyes of his. And so all I could do is genially smile while my heart rapidly beat. I was just glad that I did not stammer when I told him, "I'm pleased to meet you as well, Tsuzuki-san. So why don't we work on those expense reports of yours – starting with those receipts of yours?"

Chief Konoe then told me, "Tatsumi, feel free to use that office next to mine in case you need it. You could also use the desk facing Tsuzuki since that's dedicated for his partner. Right now, I don't have a secretary and Tsuzuki doesn't have a partner."

"Yes, Kacho…" was my reply. "We'll do the best that we can to work on what Tsuzuki-san has here."

The day had gone by very quickly due to three reasons. One was because there was so much to fix and organize in terms of Tsuzuki's paperwork, files, and filing system – this not including his expense reports. Two was the disaster called his expense reports since I found out based on his receipts that he had not filed an expense report for two years now.

The third reason – and probably the most important one – was that it was nice being around Tsuzuki-san. Sure he was lackadaisical but he was doing his best in terms of papers. He was sub-par in terms of organizational skills but I could feel my shadows and the dark aura fueling my shadows picking up such strong spiritual energies from him.

I did not know if two weeks would be enough to help Tsuzuki-san get organized, but I would do my best. I just hope that once it was fixed that he would be able to maintain it, although I would not be surprised if things went back to their chaotic state.

In turn, Tsuzuki-san was a gracious and a considerate man. There was no mistake that his gentle and amicable attitude towards everyone else around him was authentic. It seemed that everyone felt comfortable being around him.

And I also felt comfortable around Tsuzuki-san…there was no denying it…

If Tsuzuki-san was this friendly person, then I wonder what happened to his partner. How come he did not have a partner when shinigami must work in pairs as a "check and balance" mechanism within Ju-Oh-Cho, Enma-Cho, and the Shokan Division's respective systems – an assurance that no shinigami would abuse his or her privileges to dwell among the living?

Was there something about Tsuzuki-san that I was not aware about? Was there something that I was not seeing, and if that was the case then why was I not seeing it clearly?

That question lingered in my mind until Tsuzuki-san and I walked home. Although walking home with me meant that he would walk an additional 15 minutes to get home to his apartment, I could not say no to him.

Tsuzuki-san then smiled as he waited for me to open the fence. "I'll be on my way, Tatsumi. I really appreciate your help. So that I could repay you, I'll cook something special. Please have dinner at my home."

With a warm grin, I told Tsuzuki-san, "Sure. I'll see you tomorrow. I'll bring something to compliment what you have. What are you cooking?"

"I make great pasta. I hope that you love seafood linguini. It's one of my specialties."

"Really?" I said with such a grin on my face. "I love my fish and vegetables, but I love the variety that Italian dishes bring to the palate every now and then. I'll look forward to it."

"Great! We'll walk home tomorrow, but only this time we're heading to my place." Tsuzuki then said, his amethyst eyes reflecting the happiness that he had all day while working with me, "See you tomorrow, Tatsumi."

I watched Tsuzuki-san wave goodbye after my reply. I stayed outside, watching the figure that was Tsuzuki-san disappear as the distance between us grew wider.

Shortly before Tsuzuki-san was far gone from my field of vision, Mako-san went outside and asked, "Who was that?"

"Tsuzuki Asato – one of Konoe Kacho's shinigami."

"Hmm… Tsuzuki Asato, you say?"

There was something in Mako-san's voice that I could sense. It was as if he knew something about Tsuzuki-san that only a privileged few had known.

So I gazed at Mako-san and asked him, "Do you know him?"

Mako-san then motioned me to come inside and as we walked towards the door and eventually went inside, he told me, "Everyone in Meifu knows Tsuzuki Asato, Seii-kun. He is as popular as I am unknown."

I just found that matter-of-fact statement coming from Mako-san to be quite amusing. "What do you mean?"

As I helped the dear old man prepare the table for supper, I listened to him explain, "There are only a privileged few who knew about my existence – Lord Enma, Konoe, the Earl from the Castle of Candles, and you. They only know that there is a shadow master in Meifu but no one save the four of you knows that shadow master's real identity. You would be the first shadow master with an identity…mark my words on that…"

"And Tsuzuki-san?"

Mako-san gave me a light smile and he and I sat down for out meal and he handed me a bowl of soup with vegetables. "What's there _not_ to say about Tsuzuki-san? Shinigami normally are lucky to have a command of two or three shikigami under his or her disposal. Most of the time, two of the three shikigami are under-utilized since it takes a great deal of psychic energy to keep a link with one. The more that a shikigami is utilized, the greater the link and the energy needed to sustain that relationship between the shikigami and its master…."

I was outwardly calm about gathering this information from Mako-san but I was inwardly excited to know someone who knew much about Tsuzuki-san. So I went about and quietly asked, "So Tsuzuki-san's one of the few who could control his two or three shikigami well? No wonder Kacho's impressed with him."

This time, Mako-san chuckled. "Tsuzuki-san doesn't control two or three shikigami. He controls _twelve_ shikigami, Seii-kun. Four of those twelve shikigami are the Guardian Gods of the East, West, North, and South. He's close to all twelve of them and utilizes their powers to the fullest extent. Granted that he would never call two of them at the same time because that would cause much damage under his command…."

"Damage….?" I further asked as my forehead crinkled. I placed my bowl down after having some soup to warm up my stomach.

"Tsuzuki-san has other powers which remain unknown to us. Only Konoe knows the most about Tsuzuki-san. I handle confidential affairs for Enma-Cho just as you'll be doing, but I'm not privy to that information about Tsuzuki-san's powers. Only Lord Enma and Konoe know about that part of Tsuzuki-san. I wouldn't be surprised if only Lord Enma knows about it and kept Konoe in the dark."

Sensing the disgust from his tone, I dared ask, "You don't like Lord Enma very much, do you Mako-san?"

The dear old man let out a snort. "Am I _that_ obvious?"

"I'm afraid so," I replied with a smile on my face. "I sensed it since we were in Lord Enma's throne room."

"He's too secretive for my taste. He's probably as bad as that scoundrel Ishino – maybe even worse." Mako-san then looked at me and told me, "All I ask is for two things, Seii-kun. Don't talk to anyone else about me except with Konoe. You could always refer to me as your teacher to everyone else but say nothing more about me. Also be very careful of letting others know who you really are. Give them that gift when you feel that you could trust them with your life."

"But why?" I asked Mako-san, the idea of not telling anyone save for Chief Konoe about him made me feel as if I was an ungrateful scoundrel.

Mako-san smiled empathetically and reached out his hand to rest it consolingly on my hand. "Seii-kun…you don't need to tell everyone about me as an affirmation that you care about me. There are reasons why I ask you to do such things. If you think that the world that you were in when you were Ishino's chief-of-staff was cutthroat, Meifu is much worse. As to your administrative and leadership skills, by all means let the Divisions know how good you are. It is to your advantage that no one knows who I am. It is also to your advantage that people know less about you – especially in terms of how powerful you could be. Let them know such information from you at the right time. Part of a shadow master's power comes from stealth and the element of surprise. You know that already from experience. That's why I totally understand why you didn't tell me about your powers until those moments."

"I've never been a braggart, Mako-san."

The old man's smile became even more consoling. "Yes, Son… I know that. I'm just merely reminding you to continue being vigilant about your surroundings. Makai's residents aren't the only enemies that we have to worry about but also the people within our realm. Konoe's the only person that you could trust here. And if Tsuzuki-san's such a high item on Lord Enma's radar then there's a high probability that he could be trusted as well."

"He's a good person," I said to Mako-san as I gazed into his eyes. I saw the old man smile – maybe he could sense how lighthearted I feel whenever I was around Tsuzuki-san.

After a long period of silence, Mako-san asked me, "Do you think that your inclinations made you so picky?"

"What do you mean?" I then took the glass of water to get a drink.

But as I went to get a sip of water, the water went down the wrong way as Mako-san clarified his question by rephrasing it as, "You don't happen to prefer the company of men better than women, do you Seii-kun?"

And then I started coughing violently because after that clarification, the rest of the water in my mouth really went down the wrong way. I turned beet-red not only from coughing but also due to the sheer embarrassment from the question.

I glared at the old man just as a deprived child would, which made him laugh – the laughter reminiscent of times when I was still a child and he would catch me off-guard with such questions. He then explained as he did his best to stifle his laughter, "There's _nothing _wrong about it, Seii-kun. Our culture respects the deep bond between two men. In fact, we uphold such deep-rooted relationships as sacred. It's prevalent in the ranks of the noble. It's common to have a vassal or one who serves to give his utmost loyalty, devotion, and love for his lord."

With a pursed-lipped pout and a displeased glare, I told the old man, "_Funny… _I didn't bother asking you _that_ question all this time, Mako-san. You _never_ married."

"Yes, but I didn't have the same spark in my eyes just as you have now while we talked about Tsuzuki Asato. I also saw how you two were talking outside. It's not just you. It's also him."

"You have a wild imagination, old man" I said as a chuckle escaped from my lips. "You couldn't find a woman to tease me about so now you find the first man who wanted to befriend me. Worse yet, you paired me up with him."

Mako-san shook his head in amusement. "You'll see, Seii-kun. The eyes are the windows to the soul. Your eyes as well as his wouldn't lie. Although I wasn't there to see Tsuzuki Asato's eyes up-close, I could tell from the way you two moved as to how you two were gazing at each other."

"We're just friends, Mako-san. As to his eyes, they're expressive and different. Purple eyes…just as if they were amethysts…so deep and expressive… I've never seen such eyes before. His eyes remind me of Mother's eyes, although Mother's eyes were not purple."

Blinking and then pondering about what I just said, Mako-san told me, "Purple… It's the color of nobility. It's also the color of sorrow that reaches to the very bottom of one's soul. The Christians share their story of how Jesus Christ was clothed in a purple cape by the Roman soldiers during His persecution. He suffered much under human hands, yet He found it in his heart to redeem man from sin."

After thinking about what Mako-san had just shared with me, I let out a soft sigh. "Tsuzuki-san seems to be a happy fellow. Everybody treats him as a friend at work."

I could tell from Mako-san's expression that he thought highly of Tsuzuki-san. He then remarked, "Appearances are never as they always seem to be, Seii-kun. If you're going to be a friend to Tsuzuki-san, be prepared to see what others would normally not see. Nobody stays in Lord Enma's scrutiny and earns happiness along the way. Remember my words well, Son. As your mentor, this is the very first lesson that I impart to you."

**End of Chapter Twelve**

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_**Normal Disclaimer**_

_Yami No Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) and its characters are copyrighted properties of Matsushita Yoko. This fan fiction and the original characters (Mako-san, Inari, Chief Satori) that appear within this fan fiction belong to PJ Zatken._


	13. Getting to Know You

_**YAMI NO MATSUEI - DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS**_

**THE SHADOWS OF MY PAST**

**Chapter Thirteen - Getting to Know You…**

* * *

It was a good day.

Tsuzuki-san and I had a lot of matters that were cleared out from the long "to-do" list on his end. I created forms for him to fill out and a system wherein all that he needed to do was to place his receipts in an envelope every month.

After Tsuzuki-san and I worked together with getting him organized, I also advised him to do his expense tallying every Friday so that all that he needed to do was to do a weekly update. This advice was given in hopes that once the fourth Friday would hit, he would simply turn in his expense reports without making all parties concerned feel as if they were pulling teeth from him.

I do hope that Tsuzuki-san would be able to keep up with what he learned today because I would not be looking forward into going through those boxes of receipts and making sense out of each once ever again.

Time flew quickly and lo and behold, it was already five 'o clock in the afternoon.

When Tsuzuki-san and I got ready to leave, we exchanged knowing glances as confirmation that we would definitely be having dinner tonight at his apartment. The original agreement was for Tsuzuki-san and me to walk straight to his home, but I wanted to be a little more prepared for the evening.

So I gave Tsuzuki-san a note which said_…._

_--_

_I'll drop by at your apartment by 7:00 p.m._

_I need to tie up a few loose ends at home._

_Looking forward for tonight._

_--_

And so instead of walking home together towards Tsuzuki-san's place, we went our separate ways as soon as we reached the door. We exchanged casual goodbyes, our words which were overheard by many as they too headed out the door did not have any indication that Tsuzuki-san and I would be seeing each other later on.

I went straight to a vintner's shop here in Meifu and browsed through the white wine section. I chose a nice bottle of sauvignon blanc to compliment the seafood linguini that Tsuzuki-san was going to prepare for our dinner tonight.

As soon as I got home, I then made a "dish garden" with red and yellow roses along with a variety of plants from Mako-san's garden. I figured that it would be nice to bring something along with the wine to thank Tsuzuki-san for being so friendly towards me.

Where did I get the money to buy wine when I was not expecting a paycheck until the end of this week?

Mako-san was generous as always to give me some money to tide me over until my first paycheck, but I did promise him that I would pay him back. He kept teasing me about not holding back too much on my spending while I pointed out that I was just being frugal.

As I sat down and finished the "dish garden" for Tsuzuki-san, I glanced and saw the dear old man looking at me with a knowing smile escaping from his lips. In turn, I grinned and told him, "All right, Mako-san… I know that look…."

"_Nothing,"_ replied Mako-san as his smile became warmer still. "I just had never seen this side of you before."

Shaking my head as I continued my work, I told the old man, "I did this all the time for Mother and you. Don't tell me that you've quickly forgotten."

"Not while whistling a happy tune, though…."

Blinking for a bit, I then asked Mako-san, "Me whistling? Was I whistling?"

"Yes, you were. I'm happy that you're fitting in quite nicely here in Meifu. You better not be stingy when you give details about your first date. "

I felt my cheeks burn for a minute there while I shook my head to alleviate my embarrassment. "It's just a casual dinner between two friends, Mako-san. Don't make it more dramatic than what it is."

"Well, he is handsome and you'll always have my blessing if something happens along the way. I'm sure that Konoe will do the same…."

"_Mako-san…."_

The old man just laughed and once again I felt my cheeks heat up much warmer than it did earlier. I know the dear old man too well. Judging by his laugh, I just gave him a death glare - not that I would carry out anything against him. To us, I guess it was similar to a child pouting whenever his father needled him far too many times and far too severely.

"Now hurry up, Seii-kun. You don't want Tsuzuki-san to be waiting far too long. Give this to him as well."

Mako-san then lifted the linen napkin which covered the contents of another small wicker basket.

I peeked in there and I smiled because I knew how good it tasted. "Honeyed bread. _I knew it. _I could smell it as soon as I walked inside the house."

"Go ahead. Get a slice."

Giving Mako-san a glance, I asked, "Are you sure?"

"Yes, I am. A slice wouldn't ruin your appetite. Go ahead."

I took a slice of bread from the middle of the already-cut loaf, broke a piece from the slice that I took, and then tasted it….

Then I could not help but take a subtle yet contented sigh as I ate the bread.

Yes, indeed… The smile from my lips became wider. I knew that I hardly show that smile to anyone save for my loved ones…such smile that reflected the comfort and trust that I have to freely express what was going on in my mind and emotions.

The old man gave me that fatherly smile - one of those smiles driven by nostalgia. "Brings back good memories, doesn't it?"

Then the smile became warmer still as I gazed into Mako-san's eyes and told him, "Yes… It _does _bring back good memories. You made this every time that I begged you to make it - especially when I was a little boy. I ran to your house at night after catching and putting some fireflies in a jar. Every now and then, you'd have some in a basket like this. But when you noticed how much I loved it, you made it more often for me. It was even still warm when I got to eat it with you."

"Well, if you're still up for it then maybe we could have some over tea tomorrow night."

While I put the wine bottle inside the wicker basket and made last-minute arrangements to leave, I asked Mako-san, "Tomorrow night? Why not tonight?"

"Because I think you won't be home for the evening, which is quite all right."

Caught off-guard with the comment, I genially inquired, "What does that supposed to mean?"

Mako-san patted me on the back. "You're an adult and it's high-time that you have a life outside of your work and home. I don't think that you ever enjoyed sharing sake with someone other than me, or even gave yourself a chance to do things that a bachelor would commonly do. It wouldn't hurt to do something irresponsible for a change. As long as you're safe, it's quite all right."

"But what about training?"

"We've been training, Seii-kun. If we can't do it in the morning before dawn hits, we could definitely do it at night." The old man then looked at the wall clock and told me, "Now go on and don't make your friend wait. Have a good time and take care."

"All right…" I said before I gave Mako-san a hug.

The old man lightly chuckled as he hugged me back and patted my back once more, "What is this for?"

"For being there, just as always…." I whispered back before I drew away from the old man who became my father for as long as I could remember. I gave him a grateful smile…the same one that I gave him when I first managed to smile long after Father died. How could I not do that, especially since he gave me a valuable gift by bringing to life the word "home" for the second time around?

I then bade Mako-san goodbye and headed my way to Tsuzuki-san's apartment with dish garden, bread, and wine in tow. As I drove to my destination, I could not help but smile.

The old man was right -- I had been whistling a happy tune and I did not realize this until now.

--

"Come in!"

As I came in the apartment and took off my shoes, I told Tsuzuki-san, "These are for you."

Tsuzuki-san gave me a lighthearted smile as he saw me prop the dish garden at the middle of his coffee table and then presented him with the bread and wine. "Thanks, Tatsumi. You didn't have to go out of your way."

"I insist. It's my way of saying 'thank you,' especially since I'm so new to Meifu."

"Well, why don't you relax? Dinner's ready. I do hope that you'll like it. I've perfected my secret recipe all this time. You did say that you like seafood and Italian food, didn't you? I do hope that you have a lot of room for food because I made a lot for us. I also made garlic bread."

Giving Tsuzuki-san a warm smile, I replied, "Then let me help you so we could start our meal."

"Oh no, no… Please just sit down and I'll bring it here. I'll be right back."

As I sat at the dining table and waited, I noticed that Tsuzuki-san had already set up the table with white linen tablecloth, matching white linen napkins, modest silverware, crystal wine glasses, and nicer-than-usual plates -- all of these things reflecting how much he had prepared for tonight.

I could not help smile every now and then. There was something about him that comforted me…made me feel "at home" with being around him. For a person who did not trust too many people, this was very unusual for me. It was a rarity and so refreshing to be with people who I did not have to put up my defenses for.

Konoe Kacho was one of them. Tsuzuki-san was another….

There was a wonderful aroma that came from the kitchen. It did not smell like seafood linguini but nonetheless, it smelled good. I could smell the distinct scent of aniseed among other things. Mako-san and I respectively cooked seafood linguini before. I also had it before in restaurants. Nonetheless, I dismissed the curious thought thinking that maybe Tsuzuki-san's version of the dish came from another region of Italy or Sicily.

I looked forward to taste Tsuzuki-san's cooking. Maybe I could learn a new recipe from him and try it at home for Mako-san to taste.

Or maybe not….

Tsuzuki-san came in with such a big and happy grin escaping from his lips, his amethyst eyes lit up with such enthusiasm as he declared, "This is my secret recipe. Let us eat!"

And then Tsuzuki-san laid the huge platter before me, that smile of his becoming warmer and much more enthusiastic than a minute ago.

What stared back at me - as in _literally_ stared back at me - definitely did not look like seafood linguini. The linguini looked like semi-unraveled balls of thick starchy strings which were flattened on the platter with greenish seafood sauce on top.

I definitely emphasize the word seafood because there was a variety of seafood in there - such as squid wherein its tentacles and eyes looked as if they were staring back at me. Although there was a lot of shrimp and mussels in it, the squid's presence in the sauce was just too overwhelming for me.

And there was a strong presence of aniseed in the sauce as well as parsley - _lots_ of parsley. It did smell fragrant when the dish was at the kitchen but now that it was here on the table just a few feet away from me, the smell was so overwhelming that it made my head spin.

But how could I tell Tsuzuki-san who was smiling at me with such child-like exuberance that this _"thing"_ that we were about to eat was not seafood linguini.

To tell Tsuzuki-san the truth, I do not even know what the dish before us was call nor would I know if there could be any name to call the dish because it looked weird.

"Please, guests first…" said Tsuzuki-san as he stood up and took my dish, my host intending to put a lot of that _"thing" _in my plate.

"Not too much, please. Let me try a little bit first," I told Tsuzuki-san.

When Tsuzuki-san took a glob of what he called seafood linguini on my plate, the overwhelmingly nauseating smell of all the herbs put into the sauce just made my senses reel.

Then I had my first bite of Tsuzuki-san's cooking. And what did it taste like?

How could I put it mildly?

The way that Tsuzuki-san's cooking looked paled in comparison to how it tasted. The words _awful_ and _toxic_ did not even cover the way that it tasted.

Seconds later, I was having such a violent coughing fit as the food went down the wrong way. My eyes scanned for a glass of water or any fluid to grab and wash down whatever was stuck in my throat but there were no fluids readily available.

Everything just happened too fast. All that I felt was nothing short of suffocation, the coughs making the blood pound in my ears. I had to walk away a few feet from the table. I was too preoccupied with my struggle to breathe although I did hear a chair being moved loudly across the floor, followed by sprinting steps stopping behind me, and the sound of my back being vigorously rubbed and patted as if I was choking.

My coughs soon lost their force and breathing became more of a struggle. I could not talk. I could not cough. I could not breathe.

Eventually, I felt arms wrap around me from behind…their owner doing the Heimlich Maneuver on me.

Soon, I lost my balance and I felt someone trying to break my fall.

My knees fell weak when I got too dizzy from failing to cough out the obstruction in my throat and suffocating at the same time. Something cushioned my fall and rolled along with me on the hardwood floor. My now-raw throat became rawer as whatever blocked my windpipe finally pushed out of the obstruction lodge against my windpipe.

Everything became blurry as I took a large gulp of air, my vision spinning and getting blurry. It seemed that someone was hovering over me. Someone was calling my name…or it sounded as if someone was calling my name…

Shortly thereafter, all of my senses dimmed and everything slowly but surely went pitch black.

**End of Chapter Thirteen**

* * *

_**Normal Disclaimer**_

_Yami No Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) and its characters are copyrighted properties of Matsushita Yoko. This fan fiction and the original characters (Mako-san, Inari, Chief Satori) that appear within this fan fiction belong to PJ Zatken._


	14. Evaluations

**YAMI NO MATSUEI - DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS**

**THE SHADOWS OF MY PAST**

**Chapter Fourteen - Evaluations**

* * *

The world came about from pitch darkness to utterly blurry…

Then slightly blurry where I could only distinguish colors…

Then the colors became blurry shapes as my sense of hearing slowly returned….

I was lying down on something soft and my head hurt. I heard something or someone shift, that figure leaning towards me and hovering over me. My spiritual senses acknowledged that the figure meant no harm so with this knowledge, I relaxed my defenses by closing my eyes and allowed the throbbing headache to subside.

"Tatsumi…."

When I heard that soft yet worried voice, I stirred yet my efforts to bolt up were hampered with how the world spun for me.

I then heard that person say, "Take it easy, Tatsumi…."

"What happened?" I asked with a groan, my senses still reeling and still not being able to recall what got me to this predicament.

With Tsuzuki-san's calm voice being laced heavier with concern, he explained to me, "You nearly choked on your food and you lost your footing. You hit your head somewhere and passed out. Just take it easy and rest for a little while."

Even though I felt as if I was still cross-eyed, I gazed at Tsuzuki-san and studied the change in his features as I asked, "Forgive me for asking but…."

"But what?"

After second-guessing as to what would be the best approach to ease the burning curiosity within my aching head, I just decided to ask pointblank, "What did you _actually _cook?"

Tsuzuki-san blinked for a minute, those beautiful amethyst eyes of his reflecting his vulnerable open-heartedness and innocence. "It's seafood linguini, remember?"

"That _wasn't_ seafood linguini. The sauce is supposed to be _white_, not green. You're also supposed to put aside the squid heads and cut the squid into small sections. There are no aniseed and parsley in linguini. Aside from that, parsley is a garnishing that you use _sparingly._ All you'll need is five pinches of parsley for that huge platter you've prepared. It looked as if you harvested an entire parsley farm and put it in the sauce. How many bundles of parsley did you put in your sauce?"

"Five…maybe six," was Tsuzuki-san's reply, his face and eyes now showing a hint of sadness.

I took a sigh. Yes…Tsuzuki-san did put the entire parsley farm in that sauce. I would not be surprised if I would be making many trips to the bathroom between now and for the next few days since parsley could be used as a diuretic, especially if consumed in large quantities.

Well, Tsuzuki-san was not the only person in my existence who could not cook if it meant his survival. Mother could not cook, either. Nonetheless, the two of them shared something in common - they pour their heart into everything that they do, no matter how bad they might be in what they were doing.

After many minutes of silence between us, Tsuzuki-san broke the ice between us as he said in a near-whisper, "I'm sorry. I worked so hard at it, and…."

Tsuzuki-san then fell silent.

It just broke my heart to see those tears beading at the corner of Tsuzuki-san's eyes. His eyes reflected such silent yet deep-rooted remorse over what happened as he tried to explain, "From what I remembered, that was how my older sister made linguini. I couldn't believe I botched it."

I did my best to sit up and once my dizziness dissipated from my movement, I gazed into those amethyst eyes. I smiled softly and I touched Tsuzuki-san's hand. "You did your best, that's the important part. You didn't have to go out of your way because of me."

"I love to cook and I want to learn how to do it well," said Tsuzuki-san with sadness laced in his voice. "I was doing my best by cooking something that I know or thought I cooked well, and you got sick because of me."

Keeping my gaze on Tsuzuki-san, I told him, "We could've gone out to eat, Tsuzuki-san. You didn't have to go through so much trouble."

"It's not trouble. I wanted to do this for you…my way of thanking you for everything…for being so nice towards me…."

I was caught off-guard with what I heard from Tsuzuki-san. He had gone through all this trouble for me? I could not help but get drawn by those eyes of his, my hand lifting up and resting on his cheek in such a gentle manner. I should be upset about how he botched his cooking as well as how badly I paid for tasting his cooking, but how could I be upset knowing that he did everything that he could to please me…or to thank me?

The world was still spinning out of control for me. My legs were rather wobbly and my head was still throbbing from a headache. Although I was nauseous and I could still taste and smell that strong dose of parsley in my mouth and breath, I managed to tell him, "You've done your best for me…and that means so much to me. Please don't be sad…."

Tsuzuki-san then rested his forehead against my forehead, his eyes closing as he chose solace in this position. In turn, I took a deep breath and did the same. I relaxed into this position - the closest that I have ever been with anyone who was not family to me.

For me, there was something comforting about this moment between us…yet why was my heart racing so fast?

I closed my eyes, letting my thoughts and emotions find a semblance of consolation and peace. I could not figure out these feelings and my mind had been nagging me as to what type of mystery did Tsuzuki-san hold behind those friendly smiles and expressive amethyst eyes.

And why was I having these thoughts and feelings?

In my efforts not to face these nagging sentiments within me, I tried to get up so that I could bid by farewell and go home. However, my legs and knees betrayed me as they turned against me.

Tsuzuki-san held me up and he told me, "Why don't you try to get some rest? Just a nap, perhaps? Go home when you're feeling better."

I was normally stubborn about such things but this time it was hard to ignore that I did not have the coordination or the equilibrium to head straight home, moreover stand steadily. I plunked on Tsuzuki-san's bed as my wobbly legs began to feel weaker after I expended the last of my strength.

Per Tsuzuki-san's prompting, I relented and lay on his bed sideways while he rested a comforting hand on my arm. I closed my eyes once more and let my head rest on the pillow that I have apparently been laying on since I passed out.

Very soon, I let go and allowed my mind and body to rest. All that I needed was a couple of hours of sleep…a nap….

Just for a few hours….

--

I blinked for a few times after I opened my eyes from my nap.

Or I thought that it was just a nap….

I sat up as I saw the view outside the window. I had to think back as to where I was since my surroundings were once again unfamiliar to me.

Right… I remember. I took a nap at Tsuzuki-san's apartment since I was not feeling well after that food mishap called his cooking and my body's violent rejection towards it.

The "nap" that I took was actually a deep sleep and it was now dawn - an hour later than the time that I normally would wake up every morning based on the clock by my side of the bed.

I then glanced sideways and saw Tsuzuki-san in deep sleep and still snoring. By the gods, I must be _that _sick to sleep through such snoring.

Nonetheless, I kept my gaze on Tsuzuki-san and smiled. He looked so peaceful and innocent as he slept…well, I said that he _looked _peaceful. Sounding peaceful was another thing since he was snoring up a storm, his snoring loud enough to wake up the dead in a figurative sense.

And Mother definitely did not snore, nor did I. Mako-san snored, but it was altogether quiet.

I sighed and smiled more warmly, an inward chuckle filling my entire being as I shook my head and remembered that atrocious-tasting cooking.

Then again, the smile escaping from my lips turned more empathetic as I remembered how apologetic Tsuzuki-san was about last night. Those eyes of his were just so strong in expressing his emotions that words were not needed.

My gaze rested on Tsuzuki-san and I let out another quiet sigh. There was an element of grace and beauty within him both inside and out. As much as I should raise holy hell for last night's incident, how could I get upset when someone tried his hardest to please a guest?

--

"You _knew_, and you _didn't_ tell me? How could you be so cruel?"

Mako-san just burst out laughing as he poured me another cup of tea, the old man knowing fully-well from the way I looked that I was literally and figuratively sick to my stomach. He then told me after he managed to stifle his laughter for a minute or two, with him having his eyes brim with tears because he could not contain his laughter, "Well, I thought love was blind. Also I wasn't _that _cruel towards you. I did feed you some of my honey bread before you left the house. Plus, how am I supposed to know that your stomach was as queasy as the rest of us?"

"But you knew that Tsuzuki-san was an awful cook -- so why didn't you tell me or even forewarn me in passing before I left last night?"

"How was I supposed to know that your date still is a terrible cook after many decades' worth of existing, constantly trying to learn how to cook, and repeatedly making people sick? I thought that by now, he's already a good cook…something akin to a gourmet chef…"

I inwardly scoffed, still upset in the old man in my endearing way since I was not really that upset with him.

"Now, now…. I did tell you that I didn't expect you home last night. I was right."

Still shaking my head from disbelief and bewilderment that the one who protected me from scoundrels literally fed me to a culinary wolf in sheep's clothing named Tsuzuki Asato, I replied, "Tsuzuki-san and I are _not _dating. Last night was an evening between friends. Secondly, I may not die from his cooking anymore because I'm already dead, but I could still get deathly sick. At the same token, my taste buds aren't dead."

Remembering and having my senses vividly remember the taste and smell that I experienced yesterday - especially the overwhelming taste and smell of parsley - I fell silent as my body shuddered. I guess my hyperactive imagination began playing this sick joke once more since my senses made my stomach churn.

Mako-san smiled at me and poured me more tea in my cup while his free hand kept rubbing my back. "Why don't you take a rest for today since you're not feeling well?"

I shook my head. "I just started work. I don't want to miss a day, and I can handle it. I can catch up on rest when I get home from work. If worse comes to worst, then I'll go home."

"All right. Just keep drinking hot water throughout the day to warm up your stomach and to wash out the parsley, although I'm sorry that it'll make you go to the bathroom more often than what the parsley's doing to your system. At least the water will wash away the parsley's effect sooner."

Many minutes of silence passed between the old man and me. I closed my eyes as I let the comfort of his fatherly touch along with the hot tea warming up my stomach reach deep in the core of my being and make me feel a little better.

I then looked at the still-amused dear old man and told him as I could picture Tsuzuki-san's face last night during the repeated apology, "He's nice and friendly, Mako-san. Sure, his cooking made me pass out but he went out of his way to make last night a good night. It just so happens that he's not gifted in cooking."

"He _is _a good man, Seii-kun. He's also a very good friend. He's very true and innocent in his ways," was Mako-san's reply as the smile in his face became more empathetic still.

I just realized one thing -- last night was different.

It was a rarity that one would go out of his way to serve me or please me. I was normally more comfortable in being of help to someone rather than being served.

In spite of how foul-tasting Tsuzuki-san's cooking was, he prepared for last night with wholehearted enthusiasm.

What I told Tsuzuki-san last night was true and I truly meant those words -- he did not have to go out of his way just for me. In fact, I was more embarrassed than he was because I spent practically our entire evening together either unconscious or asleep.

Yet in spite of what happened last night, I was grateful for my time together with Tsuzuki-san. I would not mind having an evening together with someone who happened to be a warm person and a good friend.

Maybe I should teach Tsuzuki-san how to cook…after all, how hard would it be for him to learn how to cook a good meal?

**End of Chapter Fourteen**

* * *

_**Normal Disclaimer**_

_Yami No Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) and its characters are copyrighted properties of Matsushita Yoko. This fan fiction and the original characters that appear within this fan fiction belong to PJ Zatken._


	15. The Price and Gamble of Starting Anew

_**YAMI NO MATSUEI - DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS**_

_**THE SHADOWS OF MY PAST**_

_**Chapter Fifteen - The Price and Gamble of Starting Anew**_

* * *

"It's _not_ funny, Mako-san!"

"It's funny to me and anyone else who's not in your shoes," said my father figure as his laugh became heartier than ever before.

I then saw Mako-san's smirk become more of a teasing nature when he added, "Oh, and stop taking out your frustrations on the poor sake bottle. Save some for our time together tomorrow unless of course you wish to hold on to that hope of yours, _Sensei."_

The blood pounded in my ears. I have no clue whether it had something to do with the large amount of sake that Mako-san and I have shared for the past couple of hours or the subject matter at hand.

That subject?

It was Tsuzuki-san.

I gave Mako-san an annoyed glare. "There's no hope for him to learn how to cook! One of these days, I'll have you try his cooking without you knowing it."

Mako-san inwardly chuckled. He leaned his back against the chair and crossed his arms over his chest as he looked at me with a Cheshire Cat-like grin and a mischievous twinkle in his eye, "Do that and you'll get your behind kicked five times more often during our training. Plus, let an old man enjoy his laughs for a change. This is a rare treat, especially when one happens to be Enma's emissary."

"It _is _a rare treat, all right. At _my _expense…."

The old man smiled. "But at least you agree that you are having a good time whenever you two are together. You do like his company_, don't_ you?"

The only response that I could give was a smile and a nod, although my vision became rather blurry from doing so. I could not explain it in words, but it was nice being around Tsuzuki-san. There was something so mesmerizing and so charismatic about this senior shinigami with the amethyst eyes that made me want to be with him as much as I could.

"I just don't understand, Seii-kun, as to why you're drinking? You make it look as if you're going to break up with him or something."

I gazed into the old man's eyes. "I'm not dating him, Mako-san. He and I are men. It's not --"

"Ah, is this what it's all about -- that it's not _natural? _Since when did love become so selective?"

Dismissively waving my hands as I felt my cheeks heat up more from the topic at hand, I told the old man, "Love? He and I are just friends, Mako-san. You're making too much out of it."

"Friends _do_ love each other, don't you agree?"

Blinking for a minute and that question sinking in my mind for a second, I said, "Yes, but --"

"Is it _that _wrong to love a friend just because he's a male too? Fathers love their sons and that's natural. Brothers are supposed to love each other. Noble swordsmen love their lords and offer not only their loyalty but also their devotion to them. Loving someone -- no matter what or who they might be -- is natural. Love shouldn't be restricted, especially with someone who you share a bond with."

"You're talking about _romantic _love, Mako-san. It's just…"

I know that smile from the old man's face. He gave me that empathetic smile whenever I sighed after a debate such as this. He then told me, "Why don't you let things be just for once, Seii-kun. Stop worrying about what society's mores dictate you to do. Can't you go on with just the fact that you care for someone? Social mores dictate that you should fall in love with the opposite sex with procreation being part of the reason why. We as shinigami are dead and cannot procreate. Why do you have to focus so much if you like or are in love with a good friend?"

"We were just talking about how terrible of a cook he is and we delve into this topic." I then took another cup of sake and then added, "What does his cooking have to do with whether I care about him or not?"

"I know that you care about him because you feel that you've let him down when he couldn't learn how to cook. You care about him because you felt responsible when you saw him cry this afternoon after you scolded him. You care about him because you wouldn't spend that time making sure that he calmed down and that he was fine before you two parted ways. However, something more than that is bothering you. From the looks of it, you don't even know what it is."

Then there was a long pause of silence between Mako-san and me.

Minutes later, the old man stood up and said, "Good night, Seii-kun. There's still tomorrow, so let the sake rest for now. Good company also brings out an additional tasty flavor to the sake, so we'll do it again tomorrow evening."

"Yes, Mako-san. I won't be up for long."

The old man smiled, nodded, and kissed the crown of my head. He then walked to his room and slid his bedroom door shut.

I looked at the bottle and cup in my hand along with the two other bottles of sake that had been polished since Mako-san and I started drinking early evening. I have never consumed this much before although a shinigami's body would allow for more tolerance towards hard liquor and other vices that abuse the body.

Then I heard a knock, making me blink for a minute or two. I glanced at the wall clock which showed that it was now 8:30 in the evening. I know Mako-san would not answer the door and that he never would do so since he did his best to remain non-existent in the eyes of many.

After downing the sake in my cup, I stood up, walked towards the door, and then peeked at window. Once I saw who the knocker was, my heart raced and I hesitated for a moment as I thought, _"Should I go outside or let him in?"_

Once I made up my mind, I unlocked the door and went outside. I gazed into those expressive amethyst eyes which reflected worry and sadness.

"You're drunk," said Tsuzuki in a soft and calm voice, his eyes the only indicator how worried he was over what happened the entire time we were together today.

"It has nothing to do with you. Don't worry."

I then motioned Tsuzuki-san to come with me at the garden. We then shared the sole wooden bench situated in the middle of the garden.

It was quiet for many minutes…tense-filled silence. I wanted to say something to Tsuzuki-san but my words end up being choked and unuttered. I have the feeling that he was in the same boat as I have been in terms of wanting to say the right things to him.

My heart pounded rapidly. Maybe it was the drink. Yes, the drink. It had to be the sake doing all of this to me.

My heart raced more as I gazed into Tsuzuki-san's eyes. I was so drawn to them.

Although my countenance was calm and I made every non-verbal effort to put my companion at ease, I could tell from the way that Tsuzuki-san's eyes changed expression from worried to guilt-ridden how his state of mind and heart were at this time. He seemed upset about the situation and his assumed involvement.

I relaxed my guard a bit, my tone much gentler when I asked Tsuzuki-san, "What brought you here, Tsuzuki-san? Have you eaten yet? I have some grilled fish and steamed vegetables if you're hungry."

"I'm fine."

Seeing how quiet Tsuzuki-san still was, I asked another question. "Then tell me why you looked upset. Does it have something to do with putting too much rice flour in the chicken broth so you ended up making paste instead of soup?"

"Yes…and no," was Tsuzuki-san's answer. Based on the way he slurred his words, he was as drunk as I was -- maybe even more.

I fell silent. I did not wish to say anything more because my heart pounded more rapidly than it ever did before.

Then my heart clenched as I heard Tsuzuki-san add, "Will we still see each other again even though we wouldn't be working with each other anymore?"

Another pause of silence fell between us.

I looked into Tsuzuki-san's eyes and told him with honest words that came out in spite of my innate desire to keep those words buried deep within me, "We would still see each other. Just because my assignment at the Shokan Division is over --"

Tsuzuki-san met my gaze and finished my words by saying, "I was afraid that you wouldn't see me anymore after your assignment because I cause you nothing but grief. You've been so patient in teaching me how to cook and I couldn't cook the way that you do."

Smiling ruefully, I reassured my companion, "That's nonsense, Tsuzuki-san. We're friends. Why would my irritation about you not being adept in the kitchen cost us our friendship?"

Tsuzuki-san's smile along with the tears of joy beading at the corner of his eyes warmed my heart and my alcohol-ridden body, especially when he said in such a hopeful and child-like manner, "So does that mean that you'll still teach me how to cook?"

The smile escaping from my lips became warmer still. "Of course, but at a price."

Those amethyst eyes blinked, the light of joy from them dimming a bit as their owner wondered out loud, "A price?"

"Yes, a price…. One hundred thousand yen to be exact per one hour's worth of lesson -- such price subject to rise upon my discretion and would be based on the buying power of the yen. You can watch me cook and eat what I cook for free. To teach you to cook and subject me to what you cook…well, that will cost you one hundred thousand yen from now on."

Tsuzuki-san blinked more. "But.. But I thought that we're friends! Friends don't charge each other!"

"Yes, we are friends but business is business. The amount I'll be charging you pales to the things that I have to go through to teach you how to cook. Plus, the recipes I know are secrets passed on from generation to generation. I can't just divulge them _and _get tortured at the same time without a price."

Tsuzuki-san pouted, which made me smile. "You're so mean, Tatsumi. You know I can't afford to pay you that much money."

My smile was soft especially when I kept my gaze at Tsuzuki-san. I could not help it but the longer that we spend time together, the more endearing that he became to me. "Then that means you'll let me cook for you more often when we spend time with each other…say once a week at least?"

"You…still want to see me? Even if I got you sick so many times, you still want to be with me?"

I touched Tsuzuki-san's hand, my wish to reassure him urging me that it was the right gesture to do while accompanied with the words, "Of course I still want us to spend time together. I wouldn't have it any other way."

And it warmed and clenched my heart all at once when Tsuzuki-san affectionately tightened the hold of my hand in reciprocation to my gesture. I then told him with a gentle smile as I touched his cheek, "Come on, Tsuzuki-san. Let me walk you home."

Tsuzuki-san shook his head but then relented when I gave him a firm glare. When I realized that I was making him sad, I planted a lingering kiss on his forehead and rested my forehead against his forehead while whispering, "I can't have you stay in my place because I share the house with someone else. However, I can stay in your place and keep you company for tonight…that is if you want the company."

Soon, Tsuzuki-san and I were walking the familiar path towards his apartment. I did not realize it, but I had my hand resting behind his back most of that time.

I did not know what it was, but it warmed my heart and soul to see Tsuzuki-san smile.

I guess Mako-san was right -- maybe I do deeply care about Tsuzuki-san. But how right was he in terms of his claim that I cared for Tsuzuki-san more than a friend should care for another?

Maybe only time could tell….

--

"Where are we right now, Tatsumi? I thought that we're having dinner in Kyoto."

"You'll see," was my reply to Tsuzuki-san, a soft smile escaping from my lips.

Tsuzuki-san and I could have materialized in certain places that I wished to visit before we have dinner, but I opted to do it the old-fashioned way…walk and explore. It seemed as if an eternity had passed since I have been here, but the places were nonetheless familiar to me.

My companion and I then stood before the vast field and the two houses that were within view. The silence was there as old memories were stirred inside me, recalling loved ones sorely missed and lost opportunities to show them how much I loved them.

But then there were also memories of happiness in here…of hope…or realization…

I dug my hands in my pockets and explained to my companion, "I grew up here, Tsuzuki-san. The house before you is the house that I grew up in. The other house -- the one to our right -- was the house that my father figure lived in, which was pretty much my home away from home. This field that we're now standing on is the field that my family and Mako-san owned. This was the family's bread and butter until the day that I died…which was exactly one year ago from today."

I then pulled out matches from my pocket while the shadows lapped around my legs -- a sight that Tsuzuki had never seen before until now. Once a match had been lit, I tossed it on the pile of dry grass which lay closest to the house.

I did the same ritual for Mako-san's house.

My servant shadows did their work, fanning the flames to spread the fire as fast as they could.

Shortly thereafter, the two houses were engulfed in flames.

Tsuzuki-san and I stood there, watching the flames do their work. I closed my eyes and offered a prayer to Father, Mother, Inari, and Mako-san -- thanking the gods that I have doubted many times for giving them to me. I then thanked the gods for giving me a good friend in Tsuzuki-san and prayed that the next family who would choose to live here would have a happier and more abundant life than I had.

Once that the foundations gave in to both houses as the flames continued, I glanced at Tsuzuki-san and told him with a soft smile, "Let us go have dinner -- my treat."

I then waved my hand, opening a portal to Kyoto and with the two of us blending inconspicuously in the crowd. We made it just in time for our reservation.

Looking at my companion from time to time, I was just amazed as to how quickly times passed by. A year ago, I just met Tsuzuki-san and became good friends with him. Now, I have been working on assignments for Enma-Cho for almost a year since I finished my assignment at the Shokan Division.

Tsuzuki-san and I, however, made a promise to each other to continue our friendship. We made it a point that we see each other at least once a week. I either visited his apartment or we went to Chijou and spend the time together there.

As Tsuzuki-san and I were waiting for our food and were sharing tea, I explained to him, "What you saw back there. It was something that I have wanted to do since my arrival in Meifu. I wanted to formally close that chapter in my life and start anew."

The food finally came and Tsuzuki-san and I began sharing stories to catch up on old times. I told him about my assignments although I really could not get into specifics since the cases were confidential. He, in turn, shared with me his stories about the Shokan Division and insinuated that he was once again behind on his paperwork.

After dinner and dessert, we took a walk which led us to a nearby park with a lake and lovers' bridge. By this time, there were only a few couples there and some lone souls who choose to while the time away underneath a moonlit sky. I would not blame them in choosing such a serene venue where cherry blossoms and roses bloom in their season while their mixed fragrance along with the soft cool breeze blew and soothed the soul.

I have done much contemplation over the year that I have become a shinigami and Tsuzuki-san's friend. For a year, I have wrestled on thoughts and possibilities that I dare not go through.

But maybe…just maybe….there might be exceptions.

And so I told Tsuzuki-san, "It was nice that I wasn't alone when I did what I did today, so thank you. It means a lot to me that you're with me."

"What are friends for," said Tsuzuki-san with a smile, his amethyst eyes reflecting that smile in his face.

A smile escaped my lips as I noticed that the number of others who shared the park with us dwindled down further. My heart raced as the deepest part of me wanted to say the words that I wanted to say yet my seemingly more logical and sensible part of me did not wish to make a blunder or a fool out of me.

Nonetheless, I asked Tsuzuki-san, "Are you fancying anyone at this time, Tsuzuki-san? I mean, do you have someone in mind that you like to be with?"

I saw Tsuzuki-san blush for a little while, getting caught off-guard with the question. Seeing this prompted me to say, "I'm sorry. It's not my place to ask such personal questions."

"No, no… We're friends, remember?" said Tsuzuki-san with a gracious smile. Although he was still blushing, he replied, "I do like someone but I don't think that the person would like me as much as I do. And I'm so new at this."

"How about you, Tatsumi? Do you like anyone or did you like anyone?"

I bit my lip and took a deep breath for a little while before I answered, "I'm in the same position as you. There's just too many things to consider. There's too many things to lose in case it doesn't work out."

"If you like this person very much, why don't you take the risk and see where it leads you?" proposed Tsuzuki-san. It seemed to me that he had no clue in what he was saying. He also probably did not have a clue that as confused as I have been for a year and counting about the two of us, I did feel something for him.

The question was whether Tsuzuki-san liked me the same way as I like him.

My heart clenched from hearing that proposal coming from Tsuzuki-san. I did not know if I want my heart to sink because I feared that the person in his mind was someone else other than me. At the same time, a greater part of me pushed to go on and prod further because I might get what I secretly wished for all this time.

And a part of me was scared if I did get my wish, for it meant that I had to accept a part of me that I might not be ready to accept yet. It was true that I cared deeply for Tsuzuki-san -- more than what a friend should care for another. Yet, I have to face the fact that we were both men…that although the culture and upbringing accepted homosexual relations as acceptable and even sacred on some circles, part of me still thought that this was the defiance of social mores.

Then again, Tsuzuki-san and I were shinigami. We and the rest of our peers were meant to live for an eternity and maybe, just maybe, the definition of love and what was acceptable would be different in our situation. Maybe loving someone truly and deeply was more than enough to make it acceptable.

"Tatsumi? Are you all right?" asked Tsuzuki-san as his hand rested on my hand.

"Yes, I'm fine," I replied as I smiled back at Tsuzuki-san and touched his cheek. I could not help but smile since he was so child-like…so innocent…so pure. It warmed my heart to see him smile and be happy, especially if I could be the source of that happiness and joy.

And in that moment when the smile that escaped my lips warmed up even further, our eyes met. Those amethyst eyes knew how to read into one's innermost thoughts and deepest secrets, searing the knowledge of that realization in one's soul and branding it as known. Yet those eyes also communicated such strong and selfless emotions -- so strong that one could drown into them yet be glad to perish in doing so.

I affectionately caressed Tsuzuki-san's cheek then reassuringly held his hand, telling him, "Forgive me…."

Once I uttered those words, I closed the distance between Tsuzuki-san and me. I kissed him on the cheek and shortly thereafter, I kissed him on the lips -- taking such a great gamble that I was about to lose a good friend by being so bold in what I felt for him.

**End of Chapter Fifteen**

* * *

_**Normal Disclaimer**_

_Yami No Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) and its characters are copyrighted properties of Matsushita Yoko. This fan fiction and the original characters that appear within this fan fiction belong to PJ Zatken. _


	16. Breakthroughs

**YAMI NO MATSUEI - DESCENDANTS OF DARKNESS**

**THE SHADOWS OF MY PAST**

**Chapter Sixteen – Breakthroughs**

* * *

I felt bolder as that kiss that I initiated became deeper and more heartfelt. I closed my eyes, melting into those emotions of sharing something so intimate with someone who I cared about deeply in a level that I have never explored with anyone before.

There were feelings that I never cared to admit at first and had lately denied their existence…but it was there. I could no longer deny that it was all there.

And those feelings were mostly for Tsuzuki-san...

I felt so fortunate that Tsuzuki-san also felt the same way. To me, he was someone so mysterious in spite of his open and innocent ways. It was so easy to drown into the kisses that we shared. My head and heart felt as if they were filled with something so incomprehensively blissful. My entire being felt as if I was being filled with something that I achingly needed and could no longer handle more than what I was getting from Tsuzuki-san, although there was a greater and gluttonous part of me that wanted more.

And so did Tsuzuki-san…. I felt his hand affectionately tighten its hold on my hand as the kiss between us became more explorative and needier. This moment between us made the sinking feeling sitting at the pit of my stomach disappear, being replaced with a sense of happiness…of hope….

Tsuzuki-san and I drew away from each other from the kisses, the gazes and the smiles exchanged between us being so meaningful and hopeful. I felt as if bountiful blessings had been poured upon me to see him smile, those amethyst eyes of his reflecting how happy he was – such a mirror image of how I feel this very moment.

I smiled back at him as I pushed my glasses closer to the bridge of my nose, not caring if I could barely see through them because of the steam that built up on my glasses. I held Tsuzuki-san's hand more tightly as he and I stared at the lake and the beautiful scenery before us, the two of us opting to stay a while longer at the lovers' bridge as the night grew deeper.

After a long period of comfortable silence between Tsuzuki-san and me, he asked me, "Tatsumi?"

Glancing sideways and meeting Tsuzuki-san's gaze, I smiled as he added, "We are still going to see each other even though you're assigned at another part of Enma-Cho, right?"

The smile escaping from the corner of my lips became warmer still as I reassured him, "Yes, Tsuzuki-san. We'll definitely still be seeing each other – maybe more often than you anticipate."

The hours that passed after the exchange of words between Tsuzuki-san and me were quiet yet comforting. Maybe Mako-san was right. Maybe all other expectations and standards as dictated by society and tradition did not matter as much as how one felt for another – especially when matters in Meifu were less fleeting and fickle.

--

_**Timeline – 1950 **_

Time sure flew by quickly….

Exactly two years ago, I became a shinigami. It also marked the first year that Tsuzuki-san and I have been together as a couple – a concept and reality that I was still taking time in fully accepting.

But each day that passed proved a step closer in accepting that truth. I have feelings for Tsuzuki Asato. I love him very much. I feel happy and at peace being with him.

And from the looks of it, Tsuzuki-san was also happy with our relationship. Our once-a-week rendezvous proved to be scant for me since I long for him once we part ways until the following week.

Since our relationship, Tsuzuki-san and I have called each other by our first names when we were by ourselves. I called him Asato. He called me Seii. In the company of co-workers, superiors, or when we bump into each other at Ju-Oh-Cho's halls, we were respectively Tsuzuki-san and Tatsumi.

The kisses and hand-holding between Tsuzuki and I slowly progressed into wanting more skin to kiss and explore. He and I found out that the other was new at such explorations as well. Because of the discovery, we agreed to take our time in making such explorations since we wanted our relationship to deepen on all aspects – not just carnally.

As to climbing the ranks, Ju-Oh-Cho and Enma-Cho entrusted me with more complicated field and administrative assignments – a fact that Mako-san was both happy and wary about for my sake. I also continued improving my skills as a kagetsukai or shadow master, although the old man still teased me to no end that I still have many rice bowls to eat before I even get to half of where he was now in terms of expertise and power.

The old man and I became closer than ever before, with me understanding a totally different facet of him since I came to Meifu. As my mentor and master, he demanded a notch more than what I think I could offer for the moment. He had no qualms giving me a literal kick in the pants or sending his shadows to launch a full assault against me. He also counseled me many times on how different life in Meifu was compared to Chijou…that matters such as the consequences of one's actions have greater impact when one existed beyond the coils of mortality.

And yes, the old man became nosier about my love life – not that I mind his chiding and teasing. I needed a sounding board and I was thankful that he continued to serve that role for me among other things. In a world that was supposed to be filled with much regret and sorrow, Meifu to me was a happier place because of Mako-san and Asato. I felt at peace here, and I most especially felt loved.

"Seii…?"

I blinked, my thoughts snapping back to where I physically was at the moment. Right…. I was at Kyoto for the weekend. I now sat inside the ShimoGamo Tea Ceremony Room with Asato. It was our first-year anniversary as a couple.

Asato sat across from me, his soft smile laced with an element of curiosity and concern. "Seii, are you all right? Your tea's getting cold. Stop thinking about work for a change…."

I inwardly chuckled, the smile escaping from my lips warm and reassuring. "I was just thinking about how quickly time had been flying by, and how happy I've been since I've been here in Meifu…with you being a major part of that happiness."

And Asato smiled back, those eyes of his glistening with held-back tears of joy.

"You worry too much about me," I said with a good mood as I picked up my napkin and dabbed it to clean up the minute remnants of crumbs at the corner of Asato's mouth – another endearing habit that I developed whenever he and I dined together. He might be the most powerful shinigami in Meifu's history but to me he still could be as endearing as a child.

"Thank you…" whispered Asato as he blushed – something which he would do from time to time whenever I would do something so protective or endearing for him. He smiled as he reached out across the table for my hand.

In turn, I also reached out and then held Asato's hand with tight affection. Every time that I held his soft hand, how I wish that it was possible to never let go of that hand. To hold his hand and to see him smile were just some of the small yet priceless moments that I treasure in my existence.

Asato and I then continued our lunch, the two of us giving each other a recap of how the work week had been.

The hours sure flew by so quickly, with the morning eventually turning to dusk. By this time, Asato and I were at the reception desk while I took care of checking us in at a hotel.

After all the arrangements have been taken care of, Asato said as he and I took the stairs and went to our room, "Seii, this is a five-star hotel that we're checked in for the weekend. I know we're tired from touring Kyoto, but don't you think that it's a bit much?"

"We've tried every hotel but they're booked. This would do. Don't worry," I said with a smile.

Actually, Asato and I could have gone to a more inexpensive hotel but I planned this. I know Mako-san was chuckling and thinking that I must have been delirious for wanting to spend this much money, but I wanted to do this for us. After all, it was a special occasion.

I then opened the door to our room, or should I say suite. It was the best room that money could buy for the weekend. Champagne on ice waited for us along with a bowl of strawberries, chocolates, and fruit.

Asato was in heaven, dancing in glee from seeing the sweets and the pastries that came with the room. I saw how he jumped on the bed and cuddled the soft pillows, being as happy as a child let loose in a candy or toy store.

I, on the other hand, walked to the window and looked at the sight below. Kyoto never failed to be the beautiful and mysterious gem that she always had been, in spite of technology moving onward and threatening the still-existing remnants of tradition and culture via shrines and natural scenery.

Even though Kyoto had been spared much more greatly from the ravages of war and was one of the handful of cities about to rise quickly from the ashes of World War II, the traces of war and death was still there. I should know better since I had a hand in killing and escorting a multitude of poor souls involved in the war before Enma – the special assignment that had been given to me. I thank the gods that the bulk of the assignment was over but I know that from hereon out, I would never be the same again.

That assignment stole much of whatever little amount of human hope left within my system, the assignment carried out as if I held a list and checked in one name after another as if every single name was a piece of inventory...an object…

Was this how life of a shinigami should be? If I have seen this much already in my short period of time as a shinigami, I wonder what Asato and Mako-san have seen in their respective existence as they served Lord Enma all these years.

Whatever turbulence was running strongly inside my mind had been tamed as familiar and much-welcomed arms wrapped around me from behind along with whispered words of, "You're thinking too much again, Seii."

Turning around and facing the owner of that voice, I then smiled and planted a kiss on his cheek. "I'm sorry. Bad habits are hard to break."

Asato chuckled and then smiled with such sweet innocence. "Happy Anniversary, Seii. I'm so happy about everything…especially about us."

I could not help but have the tears glisten my eyes as I replied, "Happy Anniversary, Love. I couldn't picture having a life without you."

The two of us then kissed, this moment being the first time we have been intimate since we arrived this morning at Kyoto. The kiss naturally and progressively became deeper, more passionate…more explorative.

One moment led to the next and we eventually found ourselves naked in bed, our clothes lying in little heaps from the window to the foot of the large bed that Asato and I now shared. He and I held back all this time week after week, encounter after encounter…

And it all culminated to this moment between Asato and me….

I closed my eyes as the kisses between us continued, my body reacting so sensitively as Asato worked in more intimate ways…the two of us taking turns with each other as the kisses and caresses became more explorative…the night becoming more and more intimate until we have explored and shared ourselves unequivocally with each other in many ways.

I truly could not picture having a life without Asato...but I could not understand why a tear here and there escaped from me, as if the deepest core of my entire self was being carved open by a knife. It was as if the very thing that was giving me such happiness was also suffocating me…yet I welcomed it gladly with every fiber of my existence.

If the Lord of Death had chosen this very moment to snuff my existence, then let it be. At least if I die the second time around, I would still be with someone who I loved with all of my heart and vise versa….

As we touched, all that I kept thinking inside my mind was how much I would never want this night to end…nor would I ever let Asato go. In order for such to happen, I guess every day should be an anniversary day for him and me.

Yes, it was our anniversary. For a man who did not have much, all that I could give to the one who I love with all my heart in more ways than one was my entire being along with my innocence…and in turn, so did Asato.

The entire anniversary night was sweet, poignant, romantic, and steamy…a night filled with tender moments of cuddling each other in-between passionate lovemaking. I pushed aside my apprehensions and doubt and concentrated on the wonderful person who I was sharing and baring my soul with.

Asato might be the most powerful shinigami in Meifu with powers that I have yet to understand, but to me he was my lover and friend who loved wholly and so innocently. Sure, I might shake my head here and there when I have to straighten his loose tie, get sick from his cooking, or wipe the corners of his mouth with my napkin but deep down I found such things endearing about him.

The one who I called my lover and friend might be a child at heart, but I would not have it any other way. I love him for who he was, especially since there was no deceit in his ways. Little did he and I know as our anniversary night became more about sharing and loving each other completely, the Fates have other paths in store for us…paths that would test as to how strong he and I truly were inside and out.

**End of Chapter Sixteen**

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_**Normal Disclaimer**_

_Yami No Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) and its characters are copyrighted properties of Matsushita Yoko. This fan fiction and the original characters that appear within this fan fiction belong to PJ Zatken. _


	17. Covert Missions

**THE SHADOWS OF MY PAST**

**Chapter Seventeen – Covert Missions**

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_**Timeline – 1951**_

Father Time had indeed made the hands of time travel fast.

Along with time were marked changes in the lives of everyone around me.

I, too, had gone through so many changes. Those changes within me were accompanied with new questions that blossomed in my mind. If there was anything that I hated most, it was being kept in the dark or being the last one to know about something so crucial that could change the lives of everyone.

During my life on Chijou, I have always done my very best to retain my principles and to do what I thought was right. Since I became a shinigami, however, matters took a different turn. What used to be black and white for me now came in shades of gray, and decisions which usually came so easily to me now required more time to deliberate.

This observation became truer for me the more lives that I have taken under Enma-DaiOh-sama's rule. At the same time that this internal change was happening for me, the more that I have been involved in complicated field assignments. Three years after my death and becoming a shinigami, I climbed through the ranks and my visibility within Enma-Cho increased.

Aside from my slow but steady rise in prominence at Enma-Cho, my skills as a kagetsukai also increased. Mako-san's training became more rigid. The old man was a cruel taskmaster at the training grounds, yet he was still the gentle and jovial fatherly figure I have known and love once the work was done. I could not help but notice, however, that the difference between his behavior as my mentor and as my father became greater as time had passed.

As to Asato, he and I have still been seeing each other as time would permit. As my assignments grew more complicated and longer, the less that he and I see each other. What used to be our once-a-week quality time together became once every two weeks if time and opportunity was generous enough to give me a small reprieve away from my assignments.

One could imagine how much Asato and I took advantage of every precious minute that we spend together. Every time that I was with him, I could not help but feel this ache from the deepest core of my being intensify then eventually go away once some of our longing for each other had been relieved through hungry kisses, ghosting touches, and other affectionate gestures – all of these deeds being a precursor to a long and much-welcomed session of passionate lovemaking.

Up to this day, no one knew about my relationship with Asato save for Mako-san. I wanted to keep it this way for as long as I could.

And now, here I am in Chugoku on assignment. I have been posing as a schoolteacher in an exclusive private school named Holy Innocents' Academy. There have been a series of suicides within the school walls and yet the souls of these recently departed never found its way to Meifu for judgment.

I sometimes questioned Enma-DaiOh-sama's motives in sending me to such assignments. There were shinigami specifically assigned to the Chugoku area yet he chose to use his freelance agents to such assignments. But at the end of the day, I dismissed the questions in my mind since this assignment came with a paycheck.

Paycheck or not, though, I miss seeing Mako-san and Asato. I miss being home in Meifu. By the gods, I even miss the hellish training regimen that old Mako-san subjected me to each time that he and I trained together.

On some nights while I lay in bed inside my dorm room, I could not help but ask that nagging question – why have freelance agents handle a case such as Holy Innocents' Academy? The part that was killing me inside was that I was not free to talk about it to anyone and I was doing my best to honor my word.

During the day while I take my lunch break, I look at the calendar. I was literally counting the days until the two-week school vacation. Each passing day made me happier inside since it meant that I would be able to resume training with Mako-san and see more of Asato without fear of compromising my assignment. What most especially made me happy was that I get to spend the Christmas season with my loved ones who now waited for my return in Meifu.

Today, however, set a different pace in my usually-mundane lifestyle during my undercover work. In the middle of my routine daydreaming, someone told me in an apologetic and gentle voice, "Excuse me, but you must be Tatsumi Seiichiro."

I blinked a bit as saw a young woman who smiled sweetly as she stood before me from across the table where my elbows now rested. I could not help but smile back as I confirmed, "Yes, I am. And you are…?"

The young woman's smile became more generous. She then bowed before me and said after giving me the respectful gesture, "My name is Kouya Isa. Today's my first day here at the Academy. Principal Tanaka told me that you would be my sempai."

Before a look of confusion totally veiled my face, Tanaka Koji – the Academy's principal – peered inside the teachers' lounge and smiled sheepishly. In his hand was a manila envelope and once he approached us, he handed me the envelope and said, "I'm sorry for not giving this to you sooner. It took me a while to select someone suitable and after long thought, I have decided this morning to have you mentor Kouya-san. I do hope that you don't mind, Tatsumi-san."

"No problem at all," was my reply along with a genial smile given to the school principal and then to my trainee.

The principal seemed greatly relieved from hearing my answer. After giving me a friendly pat on my back, he said, "Good. I have no doubt that you two will get along well. If either of you run into any problems, please let me know. Starting today up to the time that Kouya-san's training period ends, I'm giving both of you an hour reprieve before classes end each school day. That one-hour reprieve would be used so that you two could meet. I expect both of you to turn in a weekly report based on the outcome of your one-hour-per-day meeting. Kouya-san's report will pretty much be a self-assessment of her progress during training. You, Tatsumi-san, will also assess her performance and her progress. The three of us will meet once a month so that we have time to discuss matters openly. If there's anything that you need, especially in your dorm arrangements then please let Tatsumi-san know about it."

Once the principal bade goodbye, I rose from my seat and along with Kouya-san we then gave the principal a genial bow before he left the teachers' lounge.

The new teacher smiled. "So I guess we're meeting at four o'clock every school day, Sempai? I'll see you later. And please…call me Isa."

I gave Isa a nod and a grin. As she left the teachers' lounge to take care of her affairs, I could not help but feel a semblance of fondness towards her. Her sweet and respectful demeanor reminded me so much of my younger sister Inari during better and much-happier days.

----

Before the crack of dawn the following day, ear-piercing screams broke the silence.

Although groggy, I grabbed my robe and joined the many that ran towards the source of those screams.

I saw Mori Anzu, another fellow teacher, kneeling on the dew-moistened ground. Her eyes were wide and her entire body shook from sheer shock. Meanwhile, Anthony Pedroni – another fellow teacher who had been part of the Academy for a couple of years now – looked up and had his eyes fixed on the very cause of Mori-chan's shock.

My eyes scanned the surroundings and then transfixed on the two sorry figures that were now new additions to the victims' list for this case – Angelica Pedroni and Francis Sanders, who I call Angie-chan and Frank-kun respectively…or should I now say _called_?

As the gasps and sobbing grew louder, I could not help but absolutely not believe that the two victims who were still in their early twenties had their lives cut so short. However, this incident did not look like a suicide.

Frank-kun lay on the ground with his throat slit so deeply underneath one of the sakura trees. He lay in a pool of his own blood. Above him hung Angie-chan, her wrists slit deeply, her neck now raw with rope burns, her eyes wide, and her face as pale as a sheet.

My eyes caught sight of Isa along with the other teachers, all of them shocked and speechless. Their silent tears were the only indication of what thoughts were running in their minds. My heart clenched at the sight before me even though I have seen such scenes far too many times in my life and afterlife, so I could hardly imagine the shock and horror that everyone else was feeling at this time.

"_What in Enma's name is going on here?"_ I asked myself as I saw Anthony-kun fall on his knees as he cried for his fallen sister and dear friend.

**End Chapter Seventeen**

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**_Author's Notes_**

_Ah, what is this fic all about..._

_Little is known of Tatsumi Seiichiro's past - not just to us fans, but also to his fellow YnM characters._

_Using the pieces of information provided by YnM's mangaka as well as my imagination, this fic is my attempt to fill in those many "holes" about his past. This fic is also my interpretation on why he is the person that we know, love, and fawn over as YnM fans._

_By the way, the timeline for this fic is after the Gensoukai story arc. Since Gensoukai is still pending, I'm going to take the position that the Gensoukai arc is over, Hisoka succeeds in getting the powerful dragon shikigami, Tatsumi and Tsuzuki - even though they are in more comfortable terms now - still have unresolved differences from Tatsumi's prior dumping of Tsuzuki, and Tatsumi and Watari's relationship becomes deeper and more intimate._

_Readers who have been following this story will find this chapter to be a rather abrupt turn from the pace that it had been enjoying. There is a rhyme and reason for this, so please have patience. Secondly, one may notice that some of the names in this chapter sound familiar. Yes, their names appeared in Apocalypse Rising - another Yami no Matsuei fanfic that I have been working on. One does not need to read Apocalypse Rising to understand what is going on in this fic since this fic stands alone. For avid readers of Kyoto Files Revisited and Apocalypse Rising, I strongly believe that the "continuity" between the three fics is a nice treat._

_Happy reading and Happy New Year._

**_Normal Disclaimer_**

_Yami No Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) and its characters are copyrighted properties of Matsushita Yoko. This fan fiction and the minor original characters that appear within this fan fiction belong to PJ Zatken._


	18. Interludes

**THE SHADOWS OF MY PAST**

**Chapter Eighteen – Interludes**

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Timeline – Winter 1951

I looked through the files repeatedly, doing my best to see if I have missed anything. Was there common ground that the four victims have shared – Kataniwa Miya, Kabuto Emiko, Sanders Francis, and Pedroni Angelica?

Save for the fact that the victims' souls have still not appeared before Enma-DaiOh-sama for judgment, there was no other commonality that I could clearly see in the victims. Such realization drove me to the deeper depths of frustration as the minutes passed by. After being on this self-prescribed task for a while, I feel as if I was on the losing end in a race against time as well as the killer that I have been tracking down all this time.

Something is missing. I would not be surprised if that missing component was something blatantly obvious. That something would make anyone feel utterly stupid once the entire truth would be revealed in all clarity.

Yes, I did say the word _killer_ or _killers_. As much as the victims and their deaths appeared as if they were suicide, I strongly believe that these poor individuals have been killed.

I do not know what made this case most frustrating. Major pieces to this mystery were still missing. Second, the thought of another death happening because I missed an integral clue made me cringe and sick to my stomach. Third, this case had occupied most of my professional and personal time since its inception as well as my sleeping and waking hours.

Come to think of it, I have not had a decent day off or holiday in ages. Today would be the first in a very long time to enjoy such leisure, but I would do so once I finish finding at least one important piece or clue – whatever it might be.

"Are you trying to be in sync with the wall clock, Seii? Keep it up and you'll wear out the other end of your pencil."

I definitely know who the owner of that familiar voice was, although my mind took a very long time to register as to who it was. I shook my head and rubbed my fingers against my forehead, as if I was making an effort to shake away the cobwebs from my sleep-deprived brain.

"_Please don't tell me,"_ I thought as I closed my eyes, silently hoping that it was not already three in the afternoon. If it was, I would be in trouble for habitually breaking my promise. Pushing the glasses closer to the bridge of my nose and gazing at the wall clock, I took a deep breath and let out a tired sigh.

The time was five-thirty in the afternoon and it seemed that nearly everyone had gone home.

I took in another deep breath before facing Asato, my three o' clock appointment…or more specifically my date. What made me feel guiltier was the fact that beyond the gentle reminders for me to take a break or not to overexert my body, Asato had been understanding and patient most of the time.

On times wherein Asato should be greatly frustrated with me, his response was mostly this puppy-eyed or childlike pout along with his gentle reminders to be kinder to my body. On instances wherein I snapped at him and apologized later on for doing so, he still demonstrated much patience and empathy towards me. Such incidents were testaments on how good-natured Asato was as well as how blunt I could possibly be.

I took off my glasses, rubbed the bridge of my nose, wore my glasses again, and then gazed at a softly smiling Asato. "Did everyone in the office leave for the day already?"

Asato's smile exuded this warm and gentle glow when he replied, "Seii, you've been the only one in the office since the crack of dawn. It's Christmas Eve. Today's not a work day. It's a holiday, remember? I came here to pick you up, see how you're doing, and if you need help on anything."

I stand corrected, then. Everybody in the office save for me had already gone home…_since five o'clock yesterday afternoon._ Have I been _that _preoccupied, oblivious, and forgetful?

My gaze rested easier on Asato, that smile of his helping ease the stress that had built up inside me for the past week and most especially today. The most that my tired brain and overexerted body could muster was a tightlipped smile. "I lost track of time and the day. I'm late again for our date. I'm sorry."

Asato's smile became warmer still as he leaned against the doorway. "Don't worry about it, Seii. It's Christmas Eve. Take a break, even just for today and tomorrow. Even workaholics need a break every now and then."

"But…"

Just when I thought that Asato's voice or demeanor would not be gentler than it was a second ago, it just did as he interjected, "Come on, Seii. No ifs, and, or buts. You promised to take a break. Please don't do it for me, but do it for you. You and I have agreed to two weeks off starting today, remember?"

After releasing another tired sigh, I gazed into Asato's amethyst eyes as I took a couple of seconds to ponder about his proposal, reminder, or whatever one might call it.

Asato's eyes reflected his feelings so clearly. There was no puppy-eyed look begging me to let him have his way. There was no friendly reminder disguised in gentle and playful teasing. His eyes reflected concern and longing as well as his innate desire to give as much as he could of whatever he had within him to help another, most especially someone he loved.

Yes, I see in those amethyst eyes as to how much their owner loved me, worried over me, longed for me, and felt so helpless that all that he could do to assist me was to give me gentle reminders such as the one he just now gave.

After letting out a subtle sigh and then smiling at Asato softly, I closed the folder that was in front of me. "Just give me a few minutes to gather my things. After that, we'll drive to your place and then go straight to Chijou. From there, we'll start our date…our holiday."

"_Really..?_ Do you need help with your things, your files?" asked Asato with a hopeful smile, his eyes reflecting his feelings so transparently before me.

It warmed my heart to see Asato smile, so I did my best to reciprocate with the warmest smile that I could possibly muster in my exhausted state while I replied, "Yes, _really._ I'll take care of my things. I'll hurry. I don't want to keep you or our holiday waiting any longer."

A happily teary-eyed Asato nearly tackled me, with him giving me a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

In turn, I hugged Asato and kissed him passionately on the lips. With a heartfelt smile, I told him after I wiped the tears away from his eyes with my handkerchief, "Thank you for being so understanding through all of this. I owe you much more than just a holiday or two together."

Asato smiled back, withdrawing from me as quickly as he hugged me. He also stepped back a few feet away from me, giving me room to collect all my belongings and wrap up my workday as swiftly as I could.

Thank goodness that Asato and I were able to arrive just in time for our reservation at the _Chanticleer_, a fine and newly-opened restaurant in Nagasaki that offered an eclectic menu. The restaurant was first class, the tasteful European-inspired décor complemented perfectly against mahogany walls, crystal chandeliers, and hardwood floors.

The maître d', a gentleman in his fifties dressed in a black tuxedo, escorted us to our table with two menus tucked under his arm.

I smiled inwardly from seeing the pleasantly shocked expression written in Asato's face. His eyes scanned the surroundings as we followed the headwaiter's lead. His reaction was my confirmation that I made a good choice by choosing this restaurant. I was glad especially since I considered tonight to be a special occasion along with the fact that I saved up money for this.

Plus, I have much to make up for after I have broken promise after promise for many months now.

Navigating through the restaurant, the maître d' motioned us to our table once we arrived at the reserved private room. After he lit up the candles at our table, which added warmth to the rich ambiance, he then said, "Your server will come very soon to take your orders, gentlemen. Please enjoy your meal with us."

Once we enjoyed a few minutes of privacy as we browsed through our respective menus and pondered on what we wanted to have for dinner, I looked across the table and asked, "Much better, don't you think?"

My lover's warm grin was from ear to ear, showing the purity of his nature. His tone was laced with gentle, childlike excitement as he told me, "Much better… It's nice here, Seii. As much as I'm in love with this place, we didn't have to go here. You know me very well. I would still be happy even if we dine in a less expensive restaurant."

Feeling considerably less stressed than a couple of hours ago, I smiled back. "I'm glad that you like it here. . Since I took on that case for Enma-Cho, we haven't had a date wherein we were both relaxed to fully enjoy our time together. I missed times such as this with you. I wish that we had more of this time together. Don't worry about how expensive this place might be. We only go to places such as this once in a blue moon. After all, I have much to make up for. I owe you a lot."

Asato pursed his lips, his amethyst eyes exuding such enthralling warmth due to the candlelit setting. "The last time I checked, you're the one gifted in accounting – not me. You don't owe me anything because I'm not taking count."

"At times, especially lately, I feel that you _should've_ taken count."

Our conversation had to be paused upon our waiter's arrival. He took our orders and once he left, Asato said to me, "Seii, don't feel guilty. You don't owe me anything. Don't even think about it anymore. We're here and we're together."

The last statement that Asato made triggered in my head. I gazed into his eyes and then told him, "Speaking of _together_, we're going on for almost three years now. Two weeks from now is our three-year anniversary. Time surely flies, doesn't it, Love?"

Asato blinked for a couple of seconds, and his eyes lit up with such nostalgic joy. "Yeah, it sure does. I'm glad that you remember."

"Oh, you're surprised that I remember because I've been so busy? I wouldn't forget something as important as our anniversary." I then gave Asato a teasing smirk, relaxing against my chair and watching his reaction when I asked, "Give me some credit, Asato. As busy as I've ever been, have I ever forgotten our anniversary since we've been together?"

I knew that teasing Asato would make him blush. It was fun doing that, especially making him blush more as he tried to backpedal his way out of the statement he just made by explaining, "I… No, you haven't. You never have forgotten it. I didn't mean it like…"

"Didn't mean it like…?"

Asato, by this time, looked so unsettled in his seat. Each second that passed made him redder. "Well…you know…"

Once a good five minutes had passed after watching Asato stammer and reason his way out of the conversation manhole, I personally declared that I had my fun already with him. It made me feel a bit awful to tease Asato, but how could I possibly resist?

I reached out and held his hand from across the table. In a calm and reassuring tone, I told him with a grin, "I'm just kidding, Love. I know that you don't mean it that way. I'm looking forward to our anniversary, just as always."

"You can be so mean at times," complained Asato with a pout and then let out a semi-relieved sigh once I gave him a warmer smile.

After letting out a soft chuckle, I asked Asato with a smile as I squeezed his hand more affectionately, "Forgive me?"

With a lighthearted tone, Asato said, "Of course I forgive you...as mean as are… You're right. You _do_ owe me, so you better make up for it starting tonight. And I'm not just talking about dessert."

Another amused smile escaped from my lips. "Oh, don't worry. I'll make it up to you as much as I can in so many ways. You can count on that."

"Good. I'll hold you up to it. I won't let you go _that_ easily this time."

Our conversation soon drifted to other matters – none of it related to work or any other worries that Asato or I would possibly have. Our dinner then arrived and was complemented with more cheerful conversation, a shared bottle of wine, innocent teasing, and innuendos.

This time together with Asato was just what I needed, especially since Mako-san was still away on a mission or a series of missions. Thankfully our holiday together was unraveling smoothly, starting upon our arrival at the restaurant. There was much more in store for us. This time around, I would make sure that my wishes of spending time with my special someone would turn into reality instead of another link to a long chain of broken promises.

"Seii, is there something special that you want for your birthday?"

I blinked for a minute and then realized that my birthday was also coming up, December 27th to be exact. In fact, it was only three days away. I then replied to Asato with a smile, "I just want to be together with you. I don't have anything particular or specific in mind."

"Oh, okay. Let me see…."

I then saw Asato become so enthusiastic, his amethyst eyes lighting up with such animation. I know _that look_ – the look that told me that a deluge of wonderful birthday ideas were about to pour out from his brain and now he was trying to figure out what things he would like to do this year for my birthday.

A minute later, I saw a particular gleam in Asato's eyes – one that was fueled by such inspiration, passion, and joy. I definitely know_ that look_, and so my heart raced and then I cringed. There were occasions when I saw that particular gleam in his eyes, and I remember vividly what happened next. So before he got too inspired, I told him flatly, "Let me stand corrected here. There is something particular in my mind that I don't want to happen for my birthday this year. I don't want you to cook anything during our holiday."

Asato looked as if he was about to cry when he whined to me, "But I was perfecting this new recipe–"

My stomach felt as if it had instantaneously turned raw once memories of that God-awful cooking all came flooding back to me. I gazed into his eyes and told him, "How can I break this to you gently, Love? I_ don't_ want you to cook. Please don't cook or bake anything. _That's_ the birthday gift that I want, so promise me that you won't get overly ambitious by making me a special meal."

"But-"

"No ifs, ands, and buts, Asato. Promise me that you won't cook anything during our holiday?"

With a heavy sigh and a prominent pout, Asato replied, "_Fine…_no cooking. You can be just so plain mean at times. Your birthday is only once a year and it's not that you're going to die from my cooking. What happened to you that one time was just a fluke, trust me."

"Shinigami don't die, or at least don't die easily. I'm not even remotely interested to see what it would take for us to die. All that I want is a peaceful holiday with you. We'll eat out and I'll cook, so don't worry about pleasing me with your cooking."

"But I've gotten better, _honest_," said a teary-eyed Asato with a gentle voice while a childlike pout still escaped from his lips.

"I've made up my mind, Asato. I said no," was my reply as I pushed the glasses closer to the bridge of my nose, my gaze not escaping Asato.

Asato was upset in a childlike fashion, something similar to a child withheld from freely romping inside a toy store or sadly finding out that his fondest wish would not be given. But should I make him happy and as a result resign my body to at least a week's worth of food poisoning?

I think not.

Seeing Asato pouting and sad, I chuckled a bit and gently smiled at him. I reached out and rested my hand on his hand, explaining to him, "If you're looking for a way to please me and make this holiday special, let us just focus on enjoying each other and doing things together. Please don't be upset with me. I feel more comfortable being the chef. That has always been my role ever since I was a child."

"All right, I won't cook. I just wanted to do something special," said Asato as he squeezed my hand in gentle reassurance.

The smile that I have given Asato was warmer and softer as I felt better once I saw him smile. "You don't have to do anything to make me feel special. Being with you already puts me in that state of mind."

After telling Asato those words while looking into his eyes, it was my turn to reciprocate by affectionately squeezing his hand. If we were not in a public place, I would have just done what I had in mind – to give him a lingering, passion-infused kiss.

With a suggestive smile, I asked Asato as I had my right index finger ghost over the back of his hand, "After dinner, why don't we return home? Catch up on things we've missed…?"

My grin became warmer still as I saw Asato blush a bit and nodded for his response.

Dinner was soon over after dessert and good conversation between Asato and me. By the time that we walked out of the restaurant, I felt relaxed and ready for that much-anticipated holiday that he and I were looking forward to. I took in a breath of fresh cold winter air and filled my lungs, then exhaled.

"Let us go?" asked Asato as he glanced my way, his hands burying in his pockets once we were outside.

Meeting his gaze and then smiling at him, I replied, "Of course. You don't have to tell me twice."

"Sempai! Tatsumi-san! Wait up, please!" cried out a semi-familiar voice as I was about to follow Asato at the inconspicuous dead-end corner that he and I normally used as a portal between Chijou and Meifu, the two of us now feeling free to hold hands by this time since we figured that no one pay attention to us.

I turned around, startled as I saw Kouya Isa running towards me and waving her right hand while her left hand carried a couple of shopping bags. I stopped my walk, with Tsuzuki standing right behind me.

Isa tried to catch her breath once she stood before me, still managing to smile and genially giving me a bow. After the formality, she said, "It's so nice to see you! I'm buying gifts for my nieces and nephews. It's Christmas, after all. What are you doing – "

The young woman then blushed a bit as she took her gaze away from the hand that clung on to Asato's hand. She hurriedly took another bow and apologetically told me, "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to be rude. I didn't know that you have company with you." She then straightened up and smiled at Asato, "I'm very pleased to meet you. Please forgive me for intruding with your time together. My name is Kouya Isa. I work with Tatsumi-san at Holy Innocents' Academy. He's mentoring me since I'm just new at my teaching job."

Asato was blanched, stammering a bit. "I'm…Tsuzuki Asato. I'm very pleased to meet you as well. You're not interrupting at all."

"Well, I'm glad that I'm not intruding. I just wanted to say hi to Sempai here and wish him a Merry Christmas. And since you're with Sempai, I wish you a Merry Christmas too," said Isa with a warm grin in her face, that familiar aura of kindness that she always radiated since we first met being strongly felt at this time.

My heart clenched a bit, wondering what prompted Asato's rather oddly-toned response in spite of Isa's warm and amicable greeting. Was he getting jealous? I did mention Isa to him.

Then I stopped for a minute and thought, _"Wait a minute, did I ever tell Asato about Isa? Oh, no. I guess not. No wonder. Well, I'll straighten it out on our way home."_

My mind wandered a bit for a few minutes. When I blinked to clear my thoughts, I did not realize that Asato and Isa were talking about how Isa planned to spend her Christmas with her large family during the school break.

Isa smiled and gazed into my eyes. "Speaking of family, I have to head home. I promised to help Mother cook for tonight's supper and I need to wrap these gifts. It is so nice to meet you, Tsuzuki-san. I hope to see you again with Sempai. One of these days, I will invite both of you to my home."

"Sure. Have a good school break," said Asato with a warm grin, his voice now having the usual warmth that he was well-known for.

Asato and I then waved goodbye at Isa, the latter enthusiastically waving back. We watched her turn around and then hurried back to her original path, the two of us not moving from our spot until she disappeared.

Once again, I felt a certain heavy air return…the same one that I felt when Isa first approached us. I glanced at Asato, seeing that he was tightlipped and deep in thought. He then told me, "Let us head back home, Seii. We need to talk about her."

I calmly explained to Asato as we disappeared, crossed the portal between Chijou and Meifu, and then re-appeared at the park nearby Asato's place, "She's only a good friend. She, in fact, reminds me of my sister Inari. You don't have to worry about anything."

Blinking a bit since he was caught off-guard with what I just told him, Asato weeded through his thoughts then realized the context of my explanation to him. He then told me, "Seii, I'm worried about your friend Isa and so should you."

Frowning a bit as I unlocked Asato's apartment with the spare key that he had given me a while back, I inquired, "Why?"

With that grim demeanor still there, Asato said, "She wasn't supposed to see me or see me holding hands with you."

"I still don't quite get what you're trying to tell me, Asato. It doesn't matter to me if she, or anyone, has seen us holding hands. She's just a friend from my assignment. She's a good person."

Asato did not budge from his spot at the doorway of his apartment when he stressed out, "I was already in shinigami form when I turned around that corner, Seii…yet she was still able to see me and even introduce herself to me."

My forehead crinkled and my eyes narrowed as I closed the door behind us without having my gaze leave Asato. "Well, she caught a glimpse of you before we were about to leave Chijou."

A tightlipped Asato shook his head. "I was in shinigami form all that time, Seii…from the time that she caught your attention up to the time that we parted ways from her. I was too startled to even remember to change back into my human form. I'll check the kiseki for you and see if her name is there. Do you know if she's psychic? Clairvoyant, perhaps…?"

Still shaking my head a bit, I asked, "The kiseki? The _Book of the Dead_…? I _really_ don't understand why you're so alarmed about it."

"I keep forgetting that you've never worked in the field just as I've been doing all these years. You're still fairly new and you're not familiar with the way that shinigami operate. How are you supposed to know what I'm specifically worried about?"

Asato then added as he saw my confused expression, "She _wasn't_ supposed to have seen me in shinigami form _unless_ she is listed in the kiseki."

My eyes then went wide and my chest tightened when he grimly nodded, acknowledging that I was now on the same page as he was. "_Yes, Seii…._ Unless she is supernaturally gifted or is about to die, she's _not _supposed to see a shinigami in true form. Humans are only supposed to see a shinigami when they're marked for death."

**End Chapter Eighteen**

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Author's Notes

_Ah, what is this fic all about..._

_Little is known of Tatsumi Seiichiro's past - not just to us fans, but also to his fellow YnM characters._

_Using the pieces of information provided by YnM's mangaka as well as my imagination, this fic is my attempt to fill in those many "holes" about his past. This fic is also my interpretation on why he is the person that we know, love, and fawn over as YnM fans._

_By the way, the timeline for this fic is after the Gensoukai story arc. Since Gensoukai is still pending, I'm going to take the position that the Gensoukai arc is over, Hisoka succeeds in getting the powerful dragon shikigami, Tatsumi and Tsuzuki – even though they are in more comfortable terms now – still have unresolved differences from Tatsumi's prior dumping of Tsuzuki, and Tatsumi and Watari's relationship becomes deeper and more intimate._

_Readers who have been following this story will find this chapter to be a rather abrupt turn from the pace that it had been enjoying. There is a rhyme and reason for this, so please have patience. _

_Secondly, one may notice that some of the names in this chapter sound familiar. Yes, their names appeared in __Apocalypse Rising__ - another Yami no Matsuei fanfic that I have been working on. One does not need to read __Apocalypse Rising__ to understand what is going on in this fic since this fic stands alone. _

_For avid readers of __Kyoto Files Revisited__ and __Apocalypse Rising__, I strongly believe that the "continuity" between the three fics is a nice treat. Please watch out for the upcoming sequel to Apocalypse Rising which will be published simultaneously with the second of a two-part final chapter for Apocalypse Rising._

_Happy reading and many thanks._

**_PJ Zatken_**

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_**Normal Disclaimer**_

_Yami No Matsuei (Descendants of Darkness) and its characters are copyrighted properties of Matsushita Yoko. This fan fiction and the minor original characters that appear within this fan fiction belong to PJ Zatken._


	19. Innuendos

**THE SHADOWS OF MY PAST**

**Chapter Nineteen – Innuendos**

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_**Timeline – Winter 1951**_

For a long while, I stood before Asato in silence and still very much stunned from what I just heard.

Asato said in a calm and soothing voice, "Why don't we hang out here first? Talk about it, perhaps…?"

I absentmindedly sat in a park bench, leaning forward with elbows resting on my thighs and hands clasping tightly. Many thoughts had crossed my mind, and the more thoughts crammed in my head the more that I worried about Isa.

Asato's comforting hand rested on my back, followed by the gentle words, "Seii, talk to me. Did I upset you?"

I closed my eyes, doing my best to enjoy the small amount of peace that Asato's loving gesture had given me. Once I opened my eyes, I felt a little bit of calm rest upon my soul.

This was the first time that I have noticed how peaceful everything looked around me, especially since a fresh batch of snow had blanketed everything that it could. I sadly smiled, noticing two sets of footprints on the snow-covered ground – Asato's and mine. I took note on how chilly the air was and that snow began to fall once again.

After a couple of minutes, I shifted my gaze from my surroundings to Asato. I was tightlipped and worried when I told him as calmly as I could, "I…never knew about that rule. It… Well…"

Asato gave me as much patience as I needed, not saying a word as I allowed my thoughts and worries to heavily weigh upon me.

Minutes later, I finally managed to gather my thoughts more coherently and explained to him, "Isa… She reminds me of Inari."

"Inari?" asked Asato in a soft voice as he continued to rest his gaze upon me.

After letting out a troubled sigh, I admitted to my lover, "Inari is…or was…my younger sister. She had a hard life. I have many regrets when it comes to her and my mother…things that I have uncovered much, much too late. Many unresolved feelings…."

My companion was patient, not asking for any clarification or answers to additional questions. I then added, "Being with Isa…talking to her…is just like having Inari return from the dead."

I could see from Asato's eyes that he understood my train of thought. His empathy was clearly reflected through his eyes and face. He softly smiled and said, "We could check the kiseki now, if you'd like…if it will help you put your mind at ease."

I shook my head, then explained to Asato in a calm voice, "Our holiday…We're supposed to – "

The smile that Asato gave me became warmer. "A holiday _isn't _a holiday unless you're at peace to enjoy it, now would it? It'll only take an hour the most out of our holiday. After that, we can focus on enjoying the holiday. Now come on…."

The gaze that I gave Asato deepened even further. After letting out a sigh, I said as I rose from the park bench and buried my hands inside my coat pockets to keep them warm, "All right. Lead the way. After that, let us enjoy the holiday that we've promised each other."

"Do you want to walk there or use the quicker way?"

"A little of both," was my reply after I pondered on the question for a little while. "But first, I want to stop by at home and get a few things for my stay with you. I'll meet you at your place an hour from now?"

Asato nodded with a smile. "I'll wait for you at home, then."

I smiled at Asato, holding his hand with such affectionate tightness before drawing him close to me for a stolen kiss. The kiss between him and I pleasantly lingered, the two of us ignoring the cold brought by the additional snow fall.

As much as I wanted for that kiss to last long, I ended it with a lingering yet chaste kiss. I softly smiled at him with a promised whisper, "I have to go. I'll be quick, Love…and thank you."

My lover smiled back with such warmth and love, his eyes reflecting that smile much more intensely. "Be careful. I'll wait for you."

* * *

Once I walked in the door, I said, "I thought that you're gone for two weeks or so, Mako-san? Did your plans change?"

Mako-san, who was enjoying tea, said in a cheerful tone, "Good evening to you, Seii-kun."

I felt my cheeks heat up. My right hand automatically rested on the nape of my neck. "I forgot my manners. Forgive me for being rude. Good evening to you, too, Mako-san."

My father figure, mentor, and fellow shadow master murmured in-between one sip of tea from his cup to the next, "Don't worry about me. No offense taken. You're home early, Seii-kun. I thought that you're staying with Tsuzuki-san for the holidays. You two, from what I understand, have been planning it for months."

"I still am," I replied as I sat down for a minute with the dear old man, the latter now pouring a cup of tea for me to enjoy with him. "You told me that you're going away for a couple of weeks, so I made plans. I don't want to spend the holidays alone. But now that you're here, I don't want you to spend the holidays alone. Did your plans change, Mako-san?"

The old man placed the iron-cast kettle on the tray. "Oh, my plans are still on. In fact, you caught me in the right time. After this cup of tea, I'm about to leave for my mission."

I fell silent for a while, thinking about many things.

Mako-san gave me a pursed-lipped smile, now asking, "Do you know that you're frowning right now? What are you thinking about?"

A long period of silence passed before I let out a sigh. Gazing at the old man, I admitted, "This current assignment of mine…and well….I miss you. You and I don't get to spend as much time as we did. You just barely got back from your mission and you're leaving again. I miss our talks, our meals together…."

"You just miss a sake buddy and my cooking – admit it," deadpanned Mako-san, being as tongue-in-cheek as he watched me while continuing to savor his cup of tea.

A chuckle escaped from my lips. I shook my head, took off my glasses for me to clean while I said, "Well, yes…those too. But it's more than those things."

"In a thoughtful and calm tone, Mako san's reply was, "It's the nature of our jobs, Seii-kun. You know that, don't you?"

"I… Well… I feel that I should be spending more time here at home, especially when I know that you're going to be here."

Mako-san chuckled a bit. He consolingly patted my back before telling me, "Son, I'm gone much more often than you. We do see each other as often as possible given our situation. There was never a time that I spent my time alone at home. I assure you that so don't worry about me."

I looked at the old man for a while, giving him a quiet nod and a soft smile.

The old man's smile became warmer when he said as gently as he could, "If it's any consolation, I miss hanging out with you too, Son. I miss our talks. I miss needling you. I miss our meals together. I miss many things. It's a welcome and much-needed contrast for the work that you and I respectively do."

After letting out a sigh, I told Mako-san, "Yes, I agree with you." I then took another sip from my teacup, still thinking things through about what I have just learned from Asato.

The old man, being as astute as he always had been, asked me immediately when I realized that my teacup was now empty, "More tea?"

I smiled and nodded, handing Mako-san my cup and accepting it back from him with the customary words of gratitude.

Mako-san and I were quiet for a while before I chose to break the silence by sharing, "It's my work. She's one of the teachers who I met while undercover in this current case of mine."

I guess that I was taking too long in sifting through my thoughts, since the old man said, "Go on…."

"Her name is Kouya Isa. She reminds me so much of Inari. Asato and I went out to dinner in Chijou after work, and she saw Asato even though he was already in shinigami mode."

The old man let out a deep, worried sigh. "That's not good. Not good at all."

"Yes. Asato told me exactly why it's not good at all." I then put the teacup down and filled out my cup as well as the old man's cup with hot tea. "She reminds me of me, too, Mako-san. She is the sole breadwinner in her family. Her parents are old and are not healthy. She has younger siblings who are still much too young to fend for themselves. I'm worried about her, Mako-san. I'm also worried about her family if something ever happens to her."

The old man mumbled before taking another sip from his cup, "So, a kindred soul in trouble, Huh…?"

"You could say that."

I then explained to Mako-san the case that I was working on. I pulled out the folders from my briefcase and shared with him the evidence that I have collected thus far.

The old man, as usual, listened intently as he glanced at the folders' respective contents. After reviewing everything, he said, "Tsuzuki-san is right. Her ability to see Tsuzuki-san in his shinigami form may mean one of two things. One is that she has supernatural abilities. Two is that she is about to die and a shinigami is now waiting in the wings to gather her soul and present her before Lord Enma for judgment."

I fell silent for a while. A feeling of dread rose within the core of my being.

"So what are you going to do, Seii-kun?"

"I'm meeting up with Asato at his apartment. He and I will go to JuOhCho and check the kiseki to see if Isa-chan's name is in it."

The old man and I once again fell quiet, the two of us together sharing tea and letting our respective thoughts ramble within our minds.

Mako-san finally broke the silence by murmuring, "Well, there's another thought…"

When I transfixed my gaze at the old man and gave him my full attention, he thought aloud, "There could be a third reason. Something or someone else might be behind all of this, and your friend is another target."

"That's what I'm afraid of, Mako-san. So far, all of the targets have died. I only find out about these victims being targeted only after they die by their own hand. I don't want something bad to happen to her."

"And you don't want to be too late, either. Is that what's troubling you the most?"

I let out a sigh then nodded. Afterwards, I said, "Yes, or at least that's what I think. She's a good person. So many people are depending upon her. In this particular case, too many people have died so gruesomely. I dread in thinking such a fate falling upon such a good person."

"It's the nature of our work, Seii-kun. I don't mean to sound unfeeling or cruel, but you have to get used to it."

After I fell quiet for a while, I told the old man, "I know what you mean, but I don't think that I could be that heartless."

Without leaving his gaze on me, and looking at me as if he was scrutinizing me, Mako-san asked me, "Do you think that I'm heartless, Son?"

The word "son" and "heartless" combined in one sentence, or maybe the very question itself, felt as if it was a knife that was stabbed deep into my chest. Without hesitation, I replied in a tone laced with the hurt and offense that I felt, "I have _never_ thought of you in such a manner. Why would you insinuate that I would say such things against you, Mako-san?"

The old man did not reply. He just calmly looked at me.

I felt guilt creep upon my soul. Did I hurt the old man's feelings? Did I say the wrong thing to the very person who had been guiding and looking out for me all this time?

I let out a heavy sigh, explaining to Mako-san, "You have been a father to me for as long as I could remember. You have been more than a father to me because you were there in every aspect of my life playing different roles. If it weren't for your kindness, I wouldn't know where or how would I be."

After a long pause, I then added, "I did my best to show you how much I treasure our friendship…our relationship as father and son, business partners, mentor and student. I did my best to show you, Mother, Father, and Inari that I love all of you. Do I come across as someone who thinks that you – or anyone else who I held dear to me – are heartless?"

Mako-san gave me a gentle smile, reaching out and letting his hand rest on mine, "Son, I didn't mean my words to sound as an accusation against you."

"It feels like it, Mako-san..." I then closed my eyes, looked away, and let the comfort of my father figure's gentle gesture pacify me.

"I asked the question because through the years, I've learned to _not _have my work affect me so much." The old man's voice took an even gentler tone when he said, "Seii-kun… Son… Open your eyes. Talk to me, Son."

I opened my eyes, still feeling a sense of hurt and guilt. I could not help but look at the comforting hand that rested above my hand.

"Listen, Seii-kun. There's a reason why we're here in Purgatory. This place is a transition between our earthly existence and the promises of Heaven. While we're here, the intent is to purge us of our sins."

After a long yet much-intended pause, probably done by the old man to allow me to calm down and let his words soak within the core of my being, Mako-san added as he affectionately clasped my hand, "I know fully well that Lord Enma adds more misery than he what is intended for us to bear. What I'm telling you is to learn how to be a master of your emotions, just as I am teaching you to be a master of the shadows. The mastery that I'm suggesting…pleading…for you to learn and adopt would not turn you into a heartless bastard…. I guarantee you that."

I blinked; those very words making me gaze directly in the old man's eyes. "Lord Enma? I believe you, but in this case I really can't see that to be true."

Mako-san gave me a rueful smile. "Yes, Seii-kun…. Just because one bears the title of "lord" means that the individual perpetually bears good intentions. Lord Enma makes sure that all of us here in Meifu are suffering. He takes pleasure watching us go through that."

My eyes narrowed, with me still having trouble accepting that Lord Enma could be the manipulative being that my mentor was claiming him to be. I could not help but ask my mentor, "What makes you seem so sure of that?"

"How could the gods of Heaven be the very source of mercy and love and yet be vindictive and manipulative at the same time? They can be either one or the other. It's as simple as that."

My eyes remained transfixed on the old man, with him adding the words, "Trust me, Seii-kun, when I say that you've always been a son to me. I tell you these things so that you could always be the strong survivor that you've always been. The life that you had in Chijou was already hard. The existence that you will continue to face in Meifu, especially under Lord Enma's rule, is harder still. Be objective. Be used to what you have seen and will continue to see. Don't let those sorrows drown you into helplessness. Use them as lessons so that you come out of these trials and tribulations much stronger, wiser. Continue doing what I advise you to do until you finally earn the right to enjoy the promises of Heaven."

I was quiet for a little while, absorbing the wisdom embedded within Mako-san's words. Once I thought that I comprehended his words, the meaning behind them, and the good intentions and love that those words bore for me, I gave the old man a nod and said, "Yes, I understand."

Mako-san let out a sigh and then smiled. He tightened the hold on my hand again with such affection. "I'm glad. I love you, Son. Just never forget that."

The old man then drew me close and hugged me, whispering in my ear, "I love you, Seii-kun. I know that we only celebrate Christmas as a borrowed tradition from the West, but Merry Christmas, Son. I always want happiness and peace for you."

"Merry Christmas to you too, Mako-san…Father… I love you, and I too wish for your happiness and peace. I always have and I always will," was my reply as I closed my eyes and continued to reciprocate the hug.

After the long but much-needed embrace, Mako-san patted my back. He smiled, wiping the tears away. "I have to go to my assignment. You and I will continue this conversation over a good meal followed by bonding time over sake."

Taking off my glasses because they were now wet and steamed from my tears, I gave my father figure a nod and a smile. "Yes, we will. I'll wait for your return. Be safe."

The man gave me a tightlipped smile and then stood up, his hand stroking my hair just as he did when I was a child and continued doing so every now and then – most especially on moments such as this. "I'll do my best. Be safe as well."

I nodded once more and then watched the old man disappeared before my eyes, the latter now transporting to his assignment.

Once I finished the remaining tea in my cup, I stood up, went to my room, packed my bags for my short stay over at Asato's apartment while I thought, _"I never got a chance to ask Mako-san about his current assignment. I wonder what type of assignments he normally would handle. If my assignments are as grueling as this, his might be more grueling than mine."_

I let out a sigh after I packed the last item and zipped up my luggage. _"Strange…. Mako-san normally volunteers that information without me nudging him to do so. I'll just ask him after he returns from that assignment and I happen to be home."_

With a small luggage in tow, I left my room and opened up a portal leading to Asato's doorstep. I knocked on the door and then smiled at him once I saw him.

Asato opened the door wide to let me in, and then escorted me to his bedroom. "Seii, there's room for your clothes and sundries in the dresser drawer and the closet." I saw his warm become warmer still as he added, "I'm so happy that we're spending the holidays together."

I reciprocated Asato's smile by drawing him close to me, with me affectionately holding his hand. "So am I. I'm looking forward to a restful holiday with you."

Asato stole a kiss from me, which was another gesture that I was more than happy to reciprocate. He then drew away from me and then said, "Let us get you settled in, then we can go to JuOhCho, browse through the kiseki, and then see if your friend's name is on it."

After letting out a troubled sigh, I replied, "Right… We'll leave as soon as possible. This won't take long."

Fifteen minutes later, Asato and I were done placing my clothes and sundries in their respective temporary home.

Once Asato and I have given each other a nod, we disappeared for our destination.

In a matter of seconds, my lover and I reappeared before the marbled steps leading up to the great offices of JuOhCho.

Asato glanced my way and he told me, "Why don't we take our time from here, walk and talk at the same time?"

I nodded, smiled, and followed Asato's lead.

The two of us walked side by side, ascending to those ever-familiar marble steps. It was familiar to Asato because he had been a shinigami for decades while I remembered these steps so vividly through its real-world counterpart – the National Diet Building.

Our footsteps echoed more pronouncedly through the long maze of corridors since the building was nearly empty at this time. From what I understand, only the Gushoshin – the librarians of JuOhCho - would be present in the building and maybe a handful of staff that prioritized work over a well-deserved holiday.

Throughout our walk towards the library, Asato and I did not speak to each other but rather enjoyed the comfortable silence. The walk helped quell the worries that had been plaguing me since I have been assigned to the Holy Innocent's Academy case.

Asato explained as he gave me one leather-bound book, "We'll look at the assignment log, and if we don't find Isa-chan's name in it then we have another place to go to. And don't worry. It won't take that long. The one hour time allowance that we have includes that trip."

"_Trip…?"_ I asked, my eyes narrowing a bit. I noticed that he was busy browsing through the second of two leather-bound log books. "If we don't find our answer here, then where are we going?"

With a gentle smile, Asato replied as he gazed at me, "The Castle of Candles and its resident, the Earl. Between here and there, we'll find your answer, Seii."

* * *

Asato and I took the liberty of borrowing one of the cars from the small fleet of cars under the Shokan Division's jurisdiction. I normally would not be talked into bending the rules, but my lover made a good case for borrowing the car before filling out any paperwork – we were using the car to go to the Earl on official business.

With me behind the wheel, I followed Asato's directions. Navigating through the many streets of Meifu and taking long stretches of winding roads, he and I reached the majestic Victorian-style mansion of the Earl of the Castle of Candles.

Asato took a deep breath and a long relaxing stretch as soon as he got out of the car.

I also took a stretch, but a more cautious one as I scanned my surroundings. The entire surroundings looked peaceful, lush, yet mysterious and lonely. I surmised, based on the winding roads leading to this place, this mansion was located in a remote location for the sole intention of isolating the Earl and the secrets that he and his Castle held.

The chilly breeze blew some of the sakura petals and made the loose blossoms float as if they were fragrant feathers, mingling with the snow. I could not help but allow my thoughts to get swept away for a couple of seconds, taking in the beauty and the meaning behind the sight before me. I have only been here in Meifu for a handful of years. I would not be surprised if my interpreted meaning behind the sakura trees, their petals falling on the ground, their fragrance, their beauty, and the fact that these mesmerizing trees have been silent yet eternal spectators to the many heartaches of those who resided in Meifu would have everyone else think that either I was being too melodramatic for my own good or that I was just plain crazy.

Asato and I ascended the marble steps which led to the heavy antique doors. Asato rang the doorbell.

I blinked when the door opened without seeing anyone before me, yet I heard Asato cheerfully greet, "Good evening, Watson. My friend and I are here to visit the Earl and ask him a question. Is he available?"

I got startled when my eyes focused downward and saw the owner of that strained yet polite voice – a zombie-looking creature no more than two feet tall who wore and apron and held a shiny silver tray in one hand.

The owner of that voice, Watson, said, "I'm sure that the Earl is available. He would be happy to see you, Tsuzuki-san. You gentlemen are just in time for dinner."

Asato smiled, the two of us coming in after Watson led us to the mansion's receiving area. "Watson, meet my friend Tatsumi Seiichiro. Seii, he is Watson – the Earl's butler."

After I gave the courteous butler a slight bow of acknowledgement, I told him, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Watson."

Watson smiled, the sight giving chills and a sense of endearment. I guess over time, I would get used to seeing him. "Likewise, Tatsumi-san…. Right this way, gentlemen."

A grinning Asato leaned close to me and whispered in my ear, "Watson is a good cook. You'll like his cooking."

I gave Asato a chuckle and a purse-lipped smile. "I know, especially since your stomach has been growing since we rode the car."

Asato blushed, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry. I can't help it."

I froze from where I stood once Watson stopped and announced our presence to his master. The long dining table had a sumptuous feast spread before the master of the house – an invisible man whose presence was known through a floating white porcelain opera mask broken in half for his face, his tuxedo, and his satin white gloves.

The Earl rose from his seat. "I'm pleased to meet you, Tatsumi-san. I've heard so much about you through Chief Konoe. Anyone who helps Tsuzuki-san is always welcome in this house. Gentlemen, why don't you sit down and join me? This is more than plenty for me."

"Earl," said Asato in a reverent fashion, "May we check the kiseki that you keep? It's for a case that we are working on."

"Why of course," said the Earl in a rich, kind tone, "But first, I'd be honored if you two join me for dinner. It's good to have company every now and then."

"Thank you, Earl. We'll be happy to join you," was my polite reply as I sat down in the chair that Watson pulled out for me, and I watched Asato do the same. The Earl sat in the patriarch's position of the table, Tsuzuki sat at the Earl's right side, while I sat at the Earl's left side.

The three of us ate in silence for a while.

Asato was right – Watson's cooking was excellent. Everything tasted great. What I did like the most, though, was the baked salmon almondine with grilled asparagus served with brown and wild rice. Maybe I should ask Watson for the recipe, if he would not mind sharing it with me.

Then again, I figured that it would be better to figure out the recipe on my own. I began savoring the food on my plate, heightening my sense of observation and taste.

There was, however, a distraction which had started since we sat down together for dinner. The distraction became more pronounced, worsening as dinner was half-way done. Along with the heightening of said distraction was the boiling of my temper. My hands looked like fists as I held my eating utensils, doing my best to keep a lid on my rising anger. I felt blood pound in my ears and behind my eyes as I heard and saw more things that distracted me.

What distracted me, one would ask? Well, let us see… Let us start with what was going on right now before me.

The Earl leaned close to Asato, "I assume that this request of yours is another favor, Tsuzuki-san?"

"It's business-related, though," said Asato in a cautious tone.

"Tsuzuki-san, _everything_ that you've asked for from me is all about business. Nothing changes, then," was the Earl's reply. What began to bother me, though, was that the tone of his voice had a lace of seduction in it when he added, "I'll add it to the long list of favors that I have granted you. I keep that list along with the kiseki and the candles that I watch over."

I felt my lips purse, which was another effort to quell my temper. I guess that I was not thinking when I asked point-blank, a question that was a product of my curiosity, "Favors, Earl? What type of favors?'

"Oh, favors. The type that is more appropriate for discussion somewhere more private," was the Earl's reply, his tone sounding more of an admission disguised as a joke.

I did not know what angered me more – our lecherous host's advances towards Asato, which were _this _short of manhandling my lover before me, or the fact that my lover was blushing as if he was an innocent schoolgirl who just heard something that bordered intimacy and carnality.

"So, Tsuzuki-san, when will you pay me in-kind for the favors that I've done for you?" was the very question that the Earl asked, his gloved right hand seemingly allowing his invisible chin rest on it.

"Please, Earl," was Asato's sheepish response, with him flustered and looking as if he was about to shrink.

I lost my appetite right then and there. I lost my interest in finishing my meal. I wanted to look at the kiseki, find out to answer to my question regarding Isa-chan, and then leave this infernal place. My mind kept running scenarios of the lecher helping himself with Asato. The thoughts were just unbearable. I wanted to lash out and maim the Earl.

Tonight was the first in a very long time that my temper flared up so badly. The last time that I lost my temper was when I killed Ishino Toya, my sister's tormentor and the one who brought shame to my family.

I just pray to the gods that tonight would not be the first in a very long time that my temper and sense of retribution would push my hand to kill the object of my anger. I did not care if he was an Earl. I did not care if I would lose my job over an act that would allow me to unleash my rage towards the lecherous Earl. I did not care as to whether the Earl was alive, dead, or undead.

That very night, I have simplified my assessment about the Earl – something that had stuck with me for a very long time: I hate him.

And the assessment "I hate him" was a euphemism of what was really brewing inside me. Words not being able to fully grasp the intensity and complexity of how I feel towards the lecher. For now, and for a very good long while, the words "I hate him" would do.

I let out a heavy sigh. I gave Asato a look which gave him the hint that I want to see the kiseki.

A couple of minutes later, the Earl noticed that Asato and I were done eating and that we were getting ready to return to the purpose of our infernal trip here. "There's still dessert. Watson made a decadent devil's food cake for tonight."

I saw Asato's eyes twinkle, as if he was ready to jump up, sit, and beg. I glared at him, but that was ignored as we ended up finishing dessert. I did not touch my piece of cake because I fully lost my appetite and my blood felt as if it was boiling.

Asato asked me, "Aren't you eating your dessert?"

I told Asato in a flat tone, "No, I'm not."

Asato asked with a smile and a twinkle in his eye, "May I have your piece, then?"

I give up. That was it. I pushed the plate towards Asato, giving him a death glare because I felt as if my head has swollen three times its size.

And to add insult to injury, Asato ate that piece of cake with much delight and much to my disgust.

Time moved torturously from the moment that I gave Asato my cake up to the time that he and I entered the chamber where the kiseki was kept. I heard Asato's and the Earl's respective explanations about the kiseki. I know that I needed to hear this, and so I listened even though I wanted to kill them both right now.

The Earl allowed me to personally review the kiseki to look for Isa-chan's name, per his and Asato's instructions. It was agony focusing on the task while hearing that perverted lecher, his sexual innuendos, and Asato's coy whimper-like responses.

After my examination, I closed the book. Still holding on to my last shred of control over my temper, I told the Earl and Asato, "Her name isn't there."

"Then that means that she's not scheduled to die yet. She might have supernatural abilities, which is why she was able to see dear Tsuzuki-san here," explained the Earl, the last words of his explanation seductively curling when he said the words "dear Tsuzuki-san here."

I bowed before the Earl, hiding how my eyes were narrowing so dangerously. "Thank you very much for dinner and this _favor_. I need to get some air, so Asato and I bid our farewell."

The Earl said, "Such a shame. I was hoping if the two of you could stay longer."

Asato's reply was, "Maybe next time, Earl. Seii…is not feeling well, it seems."

The Earl's rich voice was laced with worry. "May Watson and I offer you two some tea before you leave? It might help."

This time, I was the one who said, "No, thank you. I had quite enough this evening."

"I beg your pardon?"

I glared at the Earl, telling him in front of Asato, "I am normally not a rude person, but I will make an exception tonight. You, Earl, have been lecherously sending sexual innuendos to my lover all evening long."

_"Your lover?" _said the Earl, his tone incredulous.

I felt as if my eyes were burning when I said in a firm tone, "_Yes. _Asato is _my_ lover. This may be your home, but I suggest for you to have a semblance of decency to not drape yourself over someone else's lover like a cheap rug. However, I am grateful for your help with the kiseki and for a delicious dinner. As grateful as I am, your behavior is depraved. _Farewell._"

And before a shocked Asato could respond or close his hanging jaw, I said, "I'll wait for you in the car, Asato."

I then hurried down the stairs, collected my coat, walked out the door, went in the car, slammed the door, and started the ignition. I gave Asato five minutes to bid his goodbye to that lecher. If he was not in the car by that time, damn it all – I would be driving out of this hell-hole without him.

**End of Chapter Nineteen**

* * *

_**Normal Disclaimer**_

_I do not own Yami no Matsuei and its lovable characters. However, I do own this fic and other original characters._


	20. Gifts

**THE SHADOWS OF MY PAST**

**Chapter Twenty – Gifts**

* * *

**Timeline – Christmas Eve, 1951**

When I started the car's ignition and was ready to leave, I saw Asato run out of that lecherous Earl's manor as quickly as his feet could take him. I drove the car as close as I could get to Asato so that he could get in and we could drive out of this forsaken hellhole.

The first fifteen minutes inside the car were grueling for me. From time to time, I entertained the idea that if the silence was torturous for me then it would be the same for Asato. However, my anger got the best of me and I simply allowed it to bore deep into my heart. My blood was still boiling. My teeth were clenched as I started our long road trip back to Asato's apartment.

In my mind's eye, I could see the Earl's imaginary lips smirking…that floating white half-mask of his bobbing up and down while hearing those perversion-driven innuendos of his all aimed at Asato. My mind began playing different scenarios of that lecher's attempts to seduce my lover.

"Seii…"

My heart and chest felt heavier when the silence between us was broken. My mind just screamed that the sooner that Asato and I get to his apartment, the better I would feel. I did not respond. I did not feel like it.

"Seii, please…"

Without removing my gaze at the road while I drove us home, I said, _"__What?__"_

It took a while before Asato replied, "Seii, please slow down. You're driving too fast."

Again, I chose not to give a reply. My mind nagged me, giving me that desire to just get to my destination as quickly as I can. The car engine's angrier roar seemed to pacify my frayed nerves.

"_Please_ slow down," said Asato a second time, this time the words sounding more urgent than the first one. He reached out, resting his hand on my left arm.

Once Asato touched my left arm, something inside me just snapped.

And what did I do?

I slammed my foot on the brakes – hard.

The tires screeched loudly. Asato and I jerked forward and back. My blood boiled. My chest and head were heavy. All that I saw was red.

Since the car was now stopped at the side of the road, I gave Asato a long and hard look.

Asato gazed into my eyes, as if he was trying to read my thoughts. He was tightlipped, his tone laced with such vulnerability when he told me, "I'm sorry, Seii. Please forgive me…"

My eyes narrowed. I had to let out a heavy sigh, but it probably sounded more of a dismissive snort. "What for…?"

"You're angry right now, so I must've done something to anger you so much. If I did, please tell me. Please forgive me. You were driving too fast…and you were scaring me…not just the driving, but of you….."

I froze from hearing those words coming out of Asato's mouth. I could not help but look at him, getting drawn by those expressive amethyst eyes of his. Even if he had chosen not to say a word to me, those eyes of his spoke far louder and more elaborately than any of his words could convey.

Those words, those eyes... Both of them brought back memories…

* * *

_**Timeline **(Flashback) – December27_

_Tatsumi Seiichiro's Sixth Birthday_

_"Seii, Son…. You need to learn how to calm down."_

_Feeling that I was not being heard, I blurted out through gritted teeth as the tears brimmed in my eyes, "Inari broke my toy, Father! You and Mother just bought it for me for my birthday and she destroyed it!"_

_Father looked at me and gave me a kind smile, especially when the tears flowed down my cheeks while I tightly clutched my new but now-broken wooden puppet in my left hand. He motioned me to come and sit beside him, just as he always did whenever he wanted to talk to me._

_I looked at my ever-genial father. The smile that he gave me became warmer still._

_"Come, Seii…. Come sit with me."_

_Still crying, I approached Father and sat right beside him, feeling more comforted as he gave me a one-armed hug and kissed the top of my forehead. I closed my eyes, taking in as much of that affection as I possibly could so that I would not feel so rotten._

_My father and I sat on the bench located at our backyard garden for a long while, with my father not saying anything while allowing me to cry out all the tears that I could possibly shed over the destruction of a cherished birthday gift._

_Soon, my tears quelled down into sniffles. It took a while before I had the heart to look at my now-broken toy without shedding a tear. My tears just made my eyes watery, most especially when I cast my gaze down on my broken toy._

_In a very gentle voice, Father said to me, "Son, remember how I told you that you must pick your battles?"_

_I could not look at my father that time because I was too sad and at the same time too angry at my younger sister. I merely nodded, making some of the tears that I held back stream down my cheeks once more._

_After letting out a subtle sigh, Father added, "I understand where you are coming from, Seii. You and I worked hard together to save up for that toy, and then Mother and I searched three marketplaces to finally buy it for you. I do hope that you understand as well that Inari did not mean to break your toy. She wanted you to share, and you would not do so. You two were trying to pry the toy away from the other, and it unfortunately broke. It was an accident. No one wished for it to happen, but it did."_

_"I told her to let go, and she did not. This is not the first time that it happened. She always wanted to get what is mine, and then does not take care of it."_

_"She is still too young to understand matters just as you do. You are her older brother. You are her example, too. You must do your best to be patient." _

_Father then let out a sigh, this one much heavier than the earlier one that he let out. He rubbed my arm in a consoling fashion as he explained in an even gentler tone, "As I said before, Son, you must choose your battles. Not all battles need to be fought. Sometimes, forgiveness and patience are your best allies. To those who you love and care about, to those important to you, forgiveness and patience are the best gifts that you can give them. Do you understand what I am trying to tell you, Seii?"_

_I nodded once more. This time, Father's words sank deeper into my heart and mind. I then looked up to him, his eyes meeting mine. I gave him another nod, and then tried my best to return the smiles that he so generously showered me with during our talk._

_My father empathetically smiled at me. "Whenever you feel the need to explode, Son, slowly count from one to ten. After that, count down from ten to one. Keep repeating that until you calm down. Do everything that you can to calm down. Once you are calm, decide on whether the battle should be pursued or not. Sometimes, you must stand your ground as fierce as a lion would to protect her cubs. Other times, you must approach matters with patience and diplomacy. There will also be times wherein you must simply walk away because either the heart of the matter is inconsequential, or the consequences of taking on that battle do not bring forth benefits for the greater good."_

_When Father fell quiet, I looked up to him. He did not say anything for a while. It was as if he was gauging as to how much of his words of advice had finally placated my anger._

_As Father's eyes met mine once more, he added, "And for those you love and cherish, be patient and forgiving even though you feel that you have been the aggrieved party. Once you have calmed down, talk to that person. Let him or her understand what is going on inside you. Let them know that as much as you are going through not-so-good feelings, those will pass. When you do so, oftentimes you will realize that you have also made mistakes. When that happens, you owe that person an apology to say the least. Love, forgiveness, understanding, and patience will always be welcomed gifts to those who you cherish. Remember these words, Son. Remember them well."_

_**End of Flashback**_

* * *

That memory… It was the _last_ Christmas and the _last_ birthday that I have spent with my father. I have always acknowledged my father for being the wise, graceful, and humble man that he was. That day…that memory…carried so many kernels of wisdom.

And how quickly did I forget…. My jaw hurt for some unknown reason, and I suddenly felt so tired...beaten...

Recalling the past and my most recent actions, I shuddered and gazed into the eyes of the one who sat next to me in the car. The very person who sat beside me was _Tsuzuki __Asato_. He was my best friend, confidante, and lover.

Since the facts that now echoed inside my head were all true, then what was I doing? What did I just do to honor that bond between Asato and me?

As I calmed down had my better nature hopefully take rein of my mind and emotions, I felt ashamed. The past had just reminded me that I was acting no better than a six-year-old child before receiving a kind father's wise counsel.

Looking at Asato with a fresh set of eyes, it dawned upon me as to how much of a jerk I have become towards the one who I claim to love with all that I was. If he was one of the most precious people in my life, if not _the_ most precious one, he certainly deserved the best of me. At the same time, I also admit that I could not help but acknowledge the feelings and thoughts that have coursed inside my head and drove me to temporary insanity.

Here was Asato, the very one who I aggrieved, with all humility asking me forgiveness for something that I was solely responsible for – my emotions running amuck. I could see through his eyes as to how much he believed that he was the one who caused my anger. I could also see how truthful he was that my reckless behavior scared him…that _I _scared him.

Love, forgiveness, understanding, and patience... I should've given it to Asato. He more than deserved it from me, and yet what did I do?

Asato's eyes…. Those expressive amethyst eyes…. They were one of the very first things that drew me towards him. They served as mirrors or deep pools of clear water that gave others a peek into the deepest part of his soul, expressing everything in such volumes and depth that no words could fully convey. Yet in all the transparency and innocence that he had, one could find himself lost in trying to unlock the mystery that was Tsuzuki Asato.

As lost as I was whenever I looked deep into my lover's amethyst eyes, I have known since Day One that there were never any signs of deceit in his ways.

It took me a long while before I managed the heaviness inside me. I then told him, "I'm very sorry for scaring you. I'm the one who should be apologizing, not you. Could…"

I had to pause for a couple of seconds before I could add, "Could we just rest here for a couple of minutes…just to close my eyes until I calm down?"

Asato, still looking very much concerned, nodded.

Still very much ashamed for what I have just done, my left hand reached out for Asato's right hand. I rested my body against my seat and closed my eyes. I clasped my lover's hand as I did all the mental exercises that I could to quell down the rest of my raging temper.

All throughout that time, Asato did not say a word. Judging from the soft noises coming from his direction, he chose to do the same thing that I was doing.

As the pangs of guilt nipped the innermost core of my being, I tightened my hold of Asato's hand. During times such as this very moment, how I wished that I have my father's gift of being able to convey his emotions through a simple gesture such as a mere touch.

It made me feel a little better when Asato reciprocated by affectionately squeezing my hand as well. I hope and prayed that I would be given more wisdom and discernment so that I would not hurt those who I love ever again.

When I finally calmed down, I opened my eyes. I glanced down at my watch and noticed that at least a good hour had already passed since I stopped the car at the side of the road. I then gazed sideways, noticing that Asato had dozed off in his seat.

"_I__'__m __very __sorry, __Love. __I__'__ve __been __very __stupid. __I __will __make __it __up __to __you __when __we __get __home. __I __promise,__"_ I thought as I watched him in this peaceful state for a couple of minutes. Being careful to not wake him up, I slipped my hand free from his, started the car, and then drove to our destination.

Upon reaching our destination, Asato stirred from his nap and tried to stifle his yawn. Afterwards, he asked, "Where are we?"

My tightlipped reply was, "We're home…."

Asato gave me a nod, avoiding my gaze.

I let out a subtle sigh. My chest still felt heavy, but now due to completely different reasons. I cupped Asato's cheeks with my hands, leaning closer to him and planting a long lingering kiss on those lips of his.

Pain and joy mingled in my heart when Asato reciprocated that kiss. It felt as if he poured all the gentleness that he had within him through the kiss that he and I now shared. The kiss between us became more explorative, communicative, and passionate to say the least.

I drew away from Asato. I loved him very much, and the fact remained that I hurt him through my words and actions. And so I mumbled the words, "I was the one at fault, not you. Please forgive me, Love."

In between my words of apology, a teary-eyed Asato gave me a soft smile. "Let us just go inside, enjoy your birthday…our holiday together…."

Shortly after Asato and I entered the apartment, he initiated a long and lingering kiss between us while he locked the door. One thing led to another and soon, he and I found our way out of our clothes, into his bedroom, and eventually in his bed.

Each thrust… Each kiss… Each touch…. Every action from my part was _my_way of expressing those pent-up emotions locked deep within me. I have never realized until now just how vulnerable I was whenever it had anything to do with Asato. I have also just realized that I would not have it any other way, either.

I needed Asato, wanted him, yearned for him more now than ever before…those emotions fueled more from thinking about that invisible lecher…those emotions being communicated once more as I claimed my lover as mine and mine alone.

At the same time, there was a voice that echoed in the recesses of my mind and warmed my heart. The voice reminded me in so many different levels about how I should be treating and cherishing the one who I now made love to and how I was fully capable of committing gross acts of stupidity and callousness towards him.

And in spite of all my shortcomings, here was Asato reciprocating every thrust, kiss, and touch that came from me – as rough or as gentle as each one came – with passionate ones of his own. Without the need for words, he expressed with such innocent vulnerability as to how much he loved me…believed in me, in us….

When the clock chimed to announce that it was now midnight, Asato whispered in my ear, "Merry Christmas, Seii. I love you very much."

I could not help but become teary-eyed. I smiled at Asato and replied, "I love you, too, Asato. Merry Christmas…."

In turn, Asato held my hand and gave me the warmest of smiles. At that moment, I felt that my guilt over what happened hours ago had been mostly lifted…a smile that pretty much said that I was forgiven for being such a jerk.

I hardly said the words "I love you" to anyone. I could count from the five fingers in one hand as to how many people I have said those words to. It was only just now that I have realized that lately, I have said those words more often than I ever had during the time that I was still alive…still human.

And there was the irony… I became more of a human being when I lost my humanity. I just learned how selfish and destructive I could possibly be – all while I also acknowledged that I still had at least some hope left within me…that I was still capable of experiencing all these spectrum of emotions.

Including love…. Most especially love….

I could _finally_ say "I love you" without feeling this heavy burden in my heart or this lump in my throat. Being able to do so…being able to acknowledge how vulnerable and selfish I could possibly be… It was both scary and liberating.

All of it was a gift…. The gift of being able to distinguish… The gift of having loved ones around me who remind me that I was loved no matter if I was at my worst or my best…. The gift of knowing that in spite of all the trials that I have been through, I was still capable of being human…of being able to love and to love back.

As my lover and I resumed our night together, I could not help but think as to how blessed I was for having pieces of Heaven in a forsaken place such as Meifu…that love and forgiveness could exist in such a cursed place. Was it not this writer…the one named John Milton…who said something to the effect that the mind can make a Heaven of Hell or a Hell of Heaven?

The one in my arms served as my anchor when I needed grounding and my mirror when I needed to take a long, hard look into my soul. He was a blessing…a gift…. I pray earnestly that I would be able to do at least half of the things that he had done for me.

Yet for some reason, part of me knew that beneath Asato's smile and transparent child-like innocence was this deep-rooted sadness that even he himself could not fathom. How I wish and pray that the One above who watched over every existing being would be able to give me the strength and selflessness needed so that I could bring that piece of Heaven for the ones I love…particularly Asato.

Maybe that was the true meaning that the Christmas season held – a semblance of peace and the all-encompassing love given even to the greatest of sinners. I wish that the peace offered by the Christmas season would envelop all in Chijou, Meifu, and even Makai. I wish that the peace would go on forever.

And in turn, I wish that I would be able to give Asato that peace that I feel that he had been seeking for himself. I did not know as to what burdens he carried deep inside him, but I wish that I would be able to be as selfless as he had always been with me so that he could finally be where I think he would like to be….

Happy, and at peace….

Happiness _and_ peace… Those would be the gifts that I wish to give Asato, not just for Christmas but everyday. And if I could not give it to him now then I should and would do my best everyday until I could give it to him…

To _never_ stop until that deep-rooted sadness would be eased by happiness and peace that I could give him….

**End of Chapter Twenty**

* * *

_**Normal Disclaimer**_

_I do not own Yami no Matsuei and its lovable characters. However, I do own this fic and other original characters._


End file.
